I had felt like I had been beaten to the ground – over and over again – and simply couldn’t take anymore.  Or, if I did, it’d be stupid on my part – to the point where I might even begin to deserve it should I stay and let things go on the way they were.

Then, in my Christmas stocking from my wonderful mother, I found a book: YOUR BEST LIFE NOW by JOEL OSTEEN.  If you’ve never heard of him, he’s a TV evangelist – and if you know me, you’d know that this fact would possibly be enough to encourage me to set the book down never to read.  I’m simply not a fan of “pushy” anything – from religion to Avon, it really doesn’t matter.  Not that I don’t think spirituality is worthwhile, it’s just I don’t like what certain people and groups of people have done with the entire subject.

But, I picked it up anyhow, figuring that if I could glean even one little nugget of inspiration – or something to inspire wisdom inside my soul the entire book would be worth it (to me).  I had barely gotten through the first four chapters when there it was:

“….’a twofold recompense for our former shame.’  That means if you’ll keep the right attitude, God will pay you back double for your trouble.  He’ll add up all the injustice, all the hurt and pain that people have caused you, the abuse and embarrassment, and He’ll pay you back with twice as much joy, peace, and happiness.”

The notion that somehow we can be paid back for the hell we’ve been dealt…and, double…is pretty big to me.  To me, it means that while I’m sorting through things and trying to make the right decisions, I don’t have to worry about “being the fool” and ever going back, because if I truly believe things will change, I’m not the fool at all.  That, by giving him that luxury of yet another chance, of turning yet another “cheek” and forgiving it all again, I may be taking a chance but it will not be one that goes unrewarded.  And, whether this leap of faith sends me plunging back into deep water again is somewhat irrelevant to the good things I will see from something – or Someone- much bigger than myself.

Although this quote from Isaiah 61:7 gives me a fresh perspective on a tiny facet of the things I’m mulling over, it doesn’t necessarily make me ready to jump in with my eyes closed.  So, for now I smile, knowing that everything that has happened so far wasn’t just for naught, and even the bad that may come later will eventually be turned into something good, something better.  A lot of thinking and learning and feeling is yet to come, as I wait in hope that I will observe some magnificent changes that will bring me home again…

…to the place I wish most to belong.

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