A few days ago, Lorelei decided that the carpet in her bedroom was way too itchy…

So, she climbed into her armoir and proceeded to dump half a bottle of topical Benadryl gel onto the carpet.  And, apparently that didn’t completely resolve the issue, so she continued to rub it deep into the carpet - and allover her body.

(Cue us moving all liquids, gels, and creams to the top of said armoire.)

Next day?  She felt her hair was in need of some intense moisture repair.  So, she climbed up and found the vaseline on top of her armoire.  Let me just say, she moisturized her hair REALLY well.  I swear, I give her baths.  In fact, in the past 3 days, she’s had about 8 hair-washings.  And, in case you just found my blog by searching “vaseline in hair” - Well, let me tell you…it’s STILL not out.  After shampooing twice, powdering her head with cornstarch, shampooing again with a clarifying shampoo, using hotter-than-normal water, and dawn dish soap….she still looks a little “oily”.  Fortunately, it seems to be coming out some.  (You can also try RC/coke/pepsi or peanut butter.  Those were both on my list to try next, but it’s starting to come out.)

(We immediately moved all liquids to a high shelf in her closet that *I* can barely reach.  I’m fairly confident that she wont be able to reach them without a stepping device for a really long time.  Like, 2 years.)

Then, the little darling decided she should help clean.  She found a spot in the Living Room carpet she thought could use a little help and managed to get the stain remover off of the washer….and treat the carpet…and her legs.

We quickly sprayed her down in the shower, but the contact still left a bit of a rash (which is just now clearing up).

The good news is that along with all of this “helpfulness,” she’s also been showing an interest in doing laundry.  The problem is that i keep finding clean dry clothing in the washing machine when I go to throw in wet bathing suits.

I’ll accept that slow progress is still progress, but in the meantime, I think it’s time to TODDLER-PROOF the entire house.

Any ideas where to start?  (We’ve already “BABY PROOFED.)

Welcome back!

Pride.

Sometimes, it’s obvious.  It can be so IN YOUR FACE that you can’t even miss it…

But, sometimes…  it’s not.

Sometimes, it’s hidden and it takes someone to point it out before you even realize…

I’ll admit it.  My feelings have been hurt pretty easily.  And, it’s something I’m working on, but I’ve not completely perfected this one yet.  I still feel a little left out when a group of people I consider close friends gather and I’m not invited.  I begin wondering if why I was excluded, and then I begin to think that maybe they never thought as much of me as I did of them.  That, perhaps it was just a public show…or maybe I read too much into the “friendship” in the first place.  Or, maybe I go out of my way to invite someone to do something and they decline my offer…repeatedly.  Instantly, I’m sure they just don’t want to be my friend.  The list goes on.  And, until recently, I had never thought of it like this, but…

THAT’S PRIDE.

To think that these people really are so concerned about ASHLEYASHLEYASHLEY is crazy.  I mean, as cool as it would be if the universe actually did revolve around me…it doesn’t.  To think that people would go out of their way to hurt me and make me feel awful is PRIDEFUL.  Granted, there are people who have been in my life who were like that, most people aren’t.  I do a pretty good job of weeding out people in my life these days - and have unfortunately weeded out a few of the good people just because of this sort of PRIDE.  (Thanks Janice for helping me see that.)

Then, there are the little comments.  Like, after I work really really hard to make something - whether it be food or a craft or any other project - and someone COMPLIMENTS me.  And then I say “Oh, it’s nothing.”  Except it’s not nothing because I worked 8 hours on it!  Or, one of my particularly difficult ones would be if someone tells me I’m pretty.  And, I say…”Riiiiggghhhttt”  Or when someone compliments me on my talents, and I say it’s nothing special….Because it seems like just accepting that compliment would be prideful all in itself…but actually…

THAT’S PRIDE.

God made me quirky and creative and just the way I am.  Regardless of the distorted way I may see myself, God thinks I’m pretty darn great.  And, it’s prideful to think I would know any better to say otherwise.

And then…

There are the opportunities I forego just because I’m afraid to fail.  I’m afraid to take things on because I don’t want to fall, I don’t want to fail.  I can become so caught up in every single detail, trying to make everything just so…so perfect, so right.  And, if it’s not…I feel like a failure.

THAT’S PRIDE.

Because you know what?  I’m not perfect.  I am flawed.  It’s how I was made and it’s how I’m intended to be.  But, even so I can succeed.  That’s the beauty of it!  –Even things that may not turn out exactly like I wanted them to are not failures or useless…they can be beautiful and purposeful, too!  So what if I gifted a journal that was a little crooked and so what if the last bread I baked completely sunk down the middle?  I made those things for special people in my life and my heart goes into everything I do.  THAT’S what matters.

I am so in love with my life right now.

I never cease to be amazed at the workings of God in my life, especially when I can see Him in the tiniest of details.

Then today, I realized exactly how well He knows me…

better than I know myself.

Example:  My new job.  Combine pregnant women, designing, counseling, teaching, a Christian atmosphere, and the ability to stay home with my family?  I would have never thought it was possible.  I would have just picked one, but God constructed and placed me in a job that was seemingly MADE FOR ME.

What’s more is that I didn’t look for this job.  I didn’t seek it out.  I wasn’t looking for ANY job, actually.

But, after interrupting one of their board meetings, they decided I belonged there.

The trouble was in getting me to agree.  I felt pulled, but there were (and are) things in my life that I’m not ready to give up.  Like, being with my children.

And, then…they told me they valued family.  My family.  And, that I wouldn’t have to give it up.

And, they meant it.

Just proof that God is in the details (and so very good)…

A few days ago, we bought a van.  It began as a simple phone call, letting us know that a woman we’d never met or heard of was selling her van at a reasonable price and in great condition with very few miles.  And, it had air conditioning.  –Something we’ve been doing without in our other vehicle.

To be honest, we’d recently (like, the day before) had a conversation about how we should trade in one of the SUVs for a van just so we could hold more kids, have an a/c, and save on gas.

Then, the phone call.  After that?  My parents loaned us the cash and gave us permission to put the vehicle in their yard to sell.  Details.

TODAY, I accepted a job.

A job, which, had Steven not been fired in March, we would not had extra time - which means we wouldn’t have been involved with a certain fundraiser.

Which means I wouldn’t have walked into their board meeting.

Which means we wouldn’t have met.

Which means their hearts wouldn’t have chased me.

Which means they wouldn’t have offered me a job.

Which means I wouldn’t be working for a place that captures my heart and will allow me to be the woman God wants me to be, even if that includes ALSO being a stay at home mom to my two girls.

Praise God.  He is so awesome.  And, I am so thankful that He loves me enough to be concerned with even the smallest details of my life, as well as the seemingly bigger ones.

Over at TipJunkie, there’s a fabulous birthday party going on (on Monday!)

Are you going to be there?

I SO am.

Birthday festivities, prizes, and tons of FUN.

Despite the excitement I felt while pregnant with Aurora, the truth is that I rarely had the energy to pick up the high-energy dvd workouts I’d accumulated once I saw the first pregnancy test. Somehow, it seems like chasing a toddler around the house and cleaning up after both inside pets and said toddler just begins to take a lot out of you. Or, that’s my excuse.

By the end of the day, I was ready to rest, to relax.

Actually, by the beginning of the day, I wanted to relax, too!

Keeping your body active while pregnant IS good, but not every workout is designed for every woman’s pregnant body. Some women have a lot of energy and can go, go, go! -While others of us wonder what exactly hit us! Prenatal Yoga is great for those wanting to strengthen their bodies gently and peacefully, as well as providing a way to connect with your unborn baby.

In Prenatal Yoga with Desi Bartlett, Desi leads you through meditation and breathing techniques, as well as some body strengthening to increase your strength and stamina for the up-coming big day!

This video can be used through all 3 trimesters and is great for even beginners!

Buy yours HERE.

It’s taken me about 20 years, but I’ve learned something about relationships and friendships in life:

You can’t depend on other’s to make you happy.  You have to learn to be happy with just you, first - otherwise, it’ll never work.

But, that’s where I have trouble.  I open my heart and I love people with all I have.  I’ve learned to not have high expectations and that relationships (no matter what kind) represented in the movies and on television are just someone else’s fantasies.  I’ve learned that real relationships usually will involve some sort of betrayal at least once and will carry many disappointments.  The key?  –Is realizing you’re both human and being ready to forgive.

I’ve got that.  Or, at least I understand it.

But, it’s when I see my friends all gathering together around a table, celebrating and laughing, in a place I wasn’t invited…

It’s when I see a friend reaching out to others in the most loving ways when my life seems so shattered too, except I’m standing all alone…

It’s when parties are had and I’m invited…to just look at the pictorial evidence only after the fact…

It’s when I confide in you my deepest darkest secrets, but you take your heart breaks and triumphs and tell the world so that I may hear only the echoes off the walls…

It’s when I try so hard to love, to listen, to support, and to make others feel loved…

…and I feel so…

…unworthy

…unaccepted

…unloved

…unimportant

…in your life, when some of you are such an important part of mine…

And then, I feel so stupid for hoping, for wondering, but all the same I feel it all.

Right now, I’m reading a book about food.  I know!  My exciting life!  –No, but really…this book is all kinds of awesome.  It’s educating and eye-opening and is really causing us to take a closer look at what we are putting in our bodies.  And, we’re ready to make some changes.

Meat - We had both been under the impression that all lean meats were best, but that’s simply not true.  Our country is on this whole low-fat kick (skim and low fat milks, cheeses, meats, drinks, etc) and it’s costing our bodies!  So, rather than focusing SO much on finding the leanest cuts, but more on WHERE IT CAME FROM.  We’ll be trying to choose hormone and antibiotic meats, as well as free/pasture range and fed.

Eggs/Dairy - Raw milk, handmade cheeses and butter from raw milk, and fresh farm eggs are also on the new list.  The antibiotics going into our bodies from milk products is CRAZY and turns out that the additives in the low fat milk we were getting are absolutely disgusting and horrid for us.

Fresh fruits and veggies - most of which will come from our own garden , while others we will buy or barter for, making sure the bulk of them are organic and not treated with pesticides and other chemicals

Fresh herbs

Sugar substitutes like honey, agave, and stevia

And, then of course…we’ll work on finding a better sea salt product, eliminating and finding a substitute for baking powder, learning to implement sugar substitutes into our cooking, grinding our own grains or at least switching from the plain white flour we use now, choosing extra virgin olive oil instead of just regular olive oil, and finding a better alternative to our current water source (distilled, maybe?).

Granted, this will be a slower process since we’ll be using what we have first and replenishing our stock with the better alternatives.  In a perfect world, we’d just throw out the CRAP foods and replace them immediately but our pocket book will need careful re-arranging, and most likely sacrifices in other areas in order to allow for these expenditures.  And, when it comes to eating out or being guests, we will choose to nurture our relationships and not sacrifice the things that matter most.  (Still, all things in moderation.)

I’m incredibly excited but a little nervous…

SUGAR!?!

I remember very clearly the first time I felt self-conscious about our income.  Our lives had just taken another twist, turn, and dip despite our careful planning and had left us with a small food budget, $50 per 2 weeks.  And, by food budget, I mean ALL FOOD.  It included any eating out (which was non existant unless someone paid our tab) and all food purchases (if we ran out of bread or milk, too bad, we had to wait until next paycheck).  I learned to cut coupons and plan meals around the least expensive ingredients and quite frankly, we ate a lot of food we didn’t really want to eat.  It was hard, but we knew we could do it.  Then, one day, I put the word out and was asking for recipes.  Inexpensive recipes.  Recipes that one could fix on a dime.

But, apparently my dime and other people’s dimes somehow translate into different currencies because I began receiving emails calling for ingredients that would quite possibly blow half of my 2 week’s budget in just one sitting.  Even then, we kept our heads up.  It wasn’t until an email floated across my screen that said…

“Do you mean cheap or like, ‘food stamp’ poor?”

And, for some reason, that got to us.  Or, it got to me.  My pride (such an ugly thing) was bruised.  Food stamps had gotten such a bad rep and to me, food stamps were what individuals got when they didn’t feel like working and just wanted to live off the government.  Food stamps meant you failed.  Food stamps meant you were lazy.

Pride.  It’s such an ugly and destructive thing.  Pride.  It’s something God has been working on within me.

And, today?  Today, it was us who were waiting in line to apply for food stamps.

During the long wait (I still have no idea what exactly we were waiting ON since there was nobody in front of us), I saw a brochure laying nearby.  The front read:

The

Benefits

Of

Planning

Your

Family

Be sure you are ready.

It is your decision.

You can plan your life.

And, I laughed.  It was a brochure about family-planning, or rather, how not to have a baby.  But, what struck me was not the discussion centered around IUDs and Condoms, but that it said that YOU could plan your life.  –Which, as good as it sounds in theory, means absolutely nothing because it is not OUR plans that matter at all - it is HIS plan, something we can’t control no matter how hard we try.

So, when the sweet woman behind the desk told me we would not be able to receive any food stamp help despite the fact we were WELL below the income requirements (due to him receiving unemployment and not working checks) for a family of four, I had to remind myself that it’s not MY PLANS that will save us and keep us afloat.  It is HIM.  And, regardless of whether or not the government will help us, He will never stop working in our lives, always providing the things we need when we need them the most.

I have complete faith in that, and I will not let pride stand in the way of fully admitting …

that I am nothing without He who made me.