My sweet and wonderful daughter has been overtaken by gremlins. Or something…

Maybe it’s just the terrible twos, but oh-my-freakin-gosh.

In .3 seconds, she goes from running around the house, playing and laughing like a little cute insane person to

AGGGGHHHH!!!! Screaming her lungs out, throwing herself to the floor (even off steps)..and the latest?

Slapping me in the face. (And, no. We do NOT slap her nor has she EVER seen either of us slap each other.) Granted – the look on my face after she slapped me (I had asked her for a kiss beforehand) seemed to be enough of a punishment (although I added in some words about how we do NOT do that here). She quickly gave me a kiss (her idea) and began chattering happily again.

I knew this would all come. I know it’s a developmental stage. I know it’s normal. I know it will pass.

But dear sweet baby Jesus please give me patience or give me a really really good cocktail.

So, excuse me while I RE-childproof the house for not only an infant, but a toddler who enjoys throwing herself from the last two carpeted steps and then WAILS until she realizes we’re pretending to not notice and who has begun throwing things and climbing things. Excuse me while I try to not go crazy and begin to re-evaluate all of the common-sense stuff I’m supposed to be doing to make this period of time a little more bearable for both of us.

Hopefully our parenting skills won’t totally scar the 4 of us.

(Feel free to offer actual helpful advice – like, you know…specifics. Or drink recipes. I’m game for either. Please DON’T tell me how it will pass, it’s like telling a really wet person that someday it’ll stop raining and not offering to share an umbrella. Not helpful.)

Welcome back!