No baby yet.  *Sigh*

This week at my appointment, I’d really hoped they would’ve told me I had progressed SOMEHOW, that I was either dilated more (I’ve been 1 cm dilated since last week) or effaced.  Something.  But, there was no change.  Steven will be going out of town soon and it scares me that I could go into labor without him.  Not that I couldn’t do it without him, but because I WANT him there.  I need him there for support.  Besides, who else can I make rude gestures and remarks towards that will actually think it’s kind of funny?  He’s the only person I can think of that I can threaten to stab his liver with a dull spoon and he finds it HUMOROUS – regardless of how serious I may be at the moment.  This is one of the reasons I love him.

So, I was hoping I’d basically progress on my own or be induced before he went out of town, thereby canceling his trip OR well…canceling the trip so he’d be with me and there’d be NO chance that I could have the baby over the few days he would be gone into a high security area with no cell phone service as a huge possibility – and miles away.

But, my doctor said I hadn’t progressed – DESPITE the fact that I all but drank 80 gallons of red raspberry leaf tea, squatted like a duck, and all but begged my husband to please just hurry up and have sex with me (and do it fast), because this baby needs to GET OUT NOW.  He’s been a trooper, let me tell you.  But, he understands…he was hoping he’d get to skip the “out of town engagement” as well.

Instead, I’m still 1 cm but have miraculously grown to 124 lbs.  This HAS to be water weight, now.  HAS to be.  I’ve been drinking TONS of water and herbal tea and MAN.  We won’t mention my last two trips to the chocolate factory.  Nope we won’t.  The rash is gone for now.  I ended up going to the doctor a day early last week and got a prescription refilled for the cream I had earlier in the pregnancy.  It took the stuff like 3 days to kick it, and I’m proud to say that I’m no longer slimy feeling…OR itchy!  I also think my skin is beginning to go back to it’s original state – more of a combination rather than “dry” and scaly…thank heavens!

False labor comes and goes here and there but mostly stops when I get up.  Mostly.  And, it never really gains intensity.  Except this morning.  THIS morning was contractions in my tummy rather than my back and felt more like knives instead of cramping and wowza, they hurt.  My legs and feet ached like crazy..but it all went away after a bit.  At this point, I really wish she’d come – but, I wish the contractions would either be the real thing…or not.  It’s killing my sleeping habits…you know, the habit of sleeping at night time?!

And, somehow…I’ve still been able to avoid the dreaded AWFUL heartburn I had last time.  Granted, I’ll get little twinges here and there but it’s NOTHING like I had with L.  Oh, and my favorite breakfast right now is homemade whole wheat waffles with carmelized bananas.  YUM.  Steven makes them for me and well, YUM.  I used to make these for Lorelei when she was a wee one and didn’t throw her food at me.

This past Tuesday, a friend of mine invited some of my closest friends to one of my favorite restaurants and it was soooo wonderful!  I love getting together with them all and was excited to be able to share that time with them since we all end up really busy with our own families.  Then, to top it off, they paid my check AND showered me with some VERY well thought out goodies!  These ladies know me – each and every gift was PERFECT.  I’m telling you.  PERFECT.  EACH ONE.  I’m so incredibly blessed and love them all so very much!

—–

And, now for something new:

————————THANKFUL THURSDAYS——————————–

Funny conversations.  Great friends who truly know you.   A husband who will wake up in the middle of the night just rub my back and sit with me when I’m hurting.  A God who loves me no matter what.  My crazy-awesome doula whom I LOVE.  Chocolate Factory Fudge.  Flamingo Row Shipwrecks.  My parents and brother and the rest of my family – some of the most loving and generous people I know.  My father-in-law, who would drop everything to come and see us.  Lorelei’s sweet kisses, hugs, and smiles.  The best church-family ever.  Indoor plumbing.  A place to let go.  Ability to hear with my heart even when my head won’t shut up.

…and for second and third and billionth chances…

Welcome back!

I *accidentally* kind of went off my prenatal vitamins again.  Actually, I just forgot for a day or two and noticed that my heartburn went away, as well.  So, I thought I’d do an experiment and see if I left out the vitamins a couple of days, if the heartburn would stay gone.  And, it did.  So, I’m wondering if that’s the connection.  Then again, I took the vitamins again today and have done pretty well, so who knows.  I’ve decided to only take them in the morning with just a bit on my stomach and with water only (no juice at all).

The area around my butt-bone (as I like to call it since I have no other words to describe it) has definitely felt awkward.  Kind of like I need a chiropractic adjustment (which is awesome since we can’t go to the chiropractor due to insurance and such).  And, of course, still having the moments where it’s like a stitch and I can’t walk without being in HUGE pain.  I have to lay down and just let it pass with a pillow between my knees (and on my left side) – that usually works, although it means I’m not moving for at LEAST 30 minutes, if not longer.

I’m eating well and having no problems there.  This second trimester is supposed to be the “honeymoon phase” and I’m feeling very jipped since I JUST started feeling okay and now comes the heartburn, cramps, and overall PAIN.  AWESOME.

The past few days, I’ve noticed an increase of hormone induced FREAK OUTS.  Granted, I have loads of reasons to be in a less than happy state, but the past 3 days have been RIDICULOUS.  You know, wanting to cry and not knowing why and a mean word just makes me burst into tears and such.

And because FREAK OUTS just aren’t enough, for the past couple of days I’ve had some major back pain.  Not the achey joints and ithinkipulledsomething sort of kind…but, the kind that feels oddly similar to back labor.  Yesterday, it would come and go but stay for 3 hours or so at a time.  I called the hospital’s OB line to find out what I could do and any things to watch for and they basically said:

-get on all fours to help the baby have more room and get her off your back

-lay on your left side with pillows between your legs and add some ICE

-take some tylenol or tylenol PM if you need it

-warm shower

-no pushing/pulling/picking up things.  You know, like YOUR KID.  Right right.

-And, if it becomes intermittent GET IN HERE!

So, I’ve been watching them a bit.  Not with pen and paper and charts kind of way, but just paying more attention to how often and how long – but no official stop watch yet.  Today, they’ve been coming and going more.  At one point, it’d actually last 30 minutes and then go away for a while and come back again.  Plus, I just feel WEIRD.  Not like when I’m about to get sick and I feel like I’ve been hit by an invisible bus, but WEIRD and tired all the same.  Lying down doesn’t really help except for the OTHER pains – and these “pains” are enough to keep me awake or wake me up but nothing to scream and bang my head about.  Also, nothing to run to the hospital about since I know that’ll end up in more bills that I can’t pay.  So, I’ll just wait.

Did I mention I’m only 25 weeks?

The thought of going into early labor – this early – kind of freaks me out, but then again it’s not hard to freak me out right now and I’m trying to keep that in mind.  I really can’t afford to just run to the doctor these days JUST BECAUSE – especially not the hospital.  Then again, the thoughts of what if I wait too late …yeh.  *Sigh*  Apparently I am now experiencing pregnancy induced anxiety.  Woot.

Oh, and just for the sake of chronicling things a bit better (I’m feeling really badly that I don’t have an actual journal dedicated to this pregnancy like I did with L), I had some major crampage earlier.  You know, the remember to breathe sort where you clench your eyes and everything kind of becomes hard to concentrate on and the text on your laptop gets blurry?  Yeh.  That kind.  No contractions, just major OWW – and then it went away.

Okay.  Cramps.  Again.

And, I’m out.