Last week, Lorelei came down with cold-like symptoms – you know, sneezing, runny nose, headache, and general tiredness but waking up at the butt crack of dawn. We watched “moobies” and lounged around, and she got to eat any sort of fruit she wanted (her favorite).
Then, she developed a rash that looked much like a heat rash. Or, hives. Or, scarlet fever. It spread all over her back, the tops of her arms, and across her belly.
And, after consulting with Dr. Google, I decided that it was definitely not measles, fifth disease, or most of the other rashy sicknesses. In fact, it wasn’t even heat rash since it wasn’t going away. Scarlet fever didn’t really fit either, but would stay on the maybe list just because the rash was so similar – and if she’s anything like me, there might not be a “typical presentation” of symptoms. Story of my life. And, hives? She tried some new fruit juice 2 weeks ago. It could be a late reaction. Or maybe she just has a cold and freaky odd ball rash? Afterall, she didn’t have a fever.
Then again, I’m not a doctor…so I took her to the pediatrician. I hate rashes.
We were fashionably late, as always…and I opted out of Lorelei wearing any socks with her slip on shoes because dude, it’s practically spring. I did make her wear her jacket though. Oh, that and it would have taken at least 30 minutes to find matching socks. Especially if they were supposed to be clean. So, I convince the 20-something pound toddler that she does NOT in fact need both blankies, 2 stuffed animals, a book, AND her sippy cup and that she can just pick one – and I whisked her out of the SUV and into the hospital before she could think to even scream in protest (which would have taken another 30 minutes ANDDUDEIJUSTCOULDNTHANDLETHATRIGHTTHEN!)
We signed in and underwent something probably comparably to an FBI questionnaire all because it “was a new year” and they had new policies and such. Mostly, I think they wanted to keep tabs and make sure I hadn’t gone off and moved on them just in case they thought some purple gloves or cotton balls had gone missing. I’m not really sure. But, they pretty much gave me the death stare, so I figured I’d fill it out. While standing, holding a purse, and trying to fit my cards back in my wallet. And while holding a toddler (who weighs a third of my pregnancy weight ) tried to wriggle free. GOOD TIMES.
We found a little spot on a vinyl sofa in the “sick room” and hunkered down as I tried to make us real small and not touch anything. What I really wanted to do was run out to the SUV and grab some trash bags and make ourselves a little tent as everyone coughed and sneezed and oozed all over the place. I’m allowed to pretty much take tylenol during this pregnancy, and whatever it is that YOU have, I don’t think Tylenol will cover, yo. So, quit scooting closer to me. Mmk? I managed to keep Lorelei in my lap with the contents of my purse (see, that’s why I keep it bulging at the seams!) until we were called back.
As we waited for the doctor, Lorelei decided it’d be best if she stripped. Luckily, I managed to get her to keep all but her shoes on – it fell in my favor that she does not know how to un-snap buttons yet. Finally the nurse came and asked me 80 questions and confirmed everything I had already figured out. Probably not strep/scarlet fever but we’ll test just in case it’s not a “normal presentation” because that rash sure is icky. And, could be a virus. Blah blah blah.
Then, there was the …
“Oh my gosh. You haven’t been in since last April.”
That sounded about right, so I nodded.
And then there was the…. “OHMIGOSH! SINCE APRIL!”
Wow, these people are bright. So, I explained that I don’t really see a need to go to the doctor unless she’s sick…and she’s not really been sick. Therefore, we haven’t been in. But, apparently she didn’t agree because that also meant we missed the extremely important parts of the well child check up like weighing and measuring (because we don’t vaccinate, so they don’t do that) – and I’m OBVIOUSLY not qualified to weigh or measure her and type the numbers in online. I’m JUST her mother, for God’s sake!
About a month, I mean hour, later – the doctor came in. Steven had just made an appearance and was having fun seeing how close he could bring me from the brink of cardiac arrest and back by letting Lorelei roll around on the exam table and run from end to end.
The doctor looked at Lorelei, and then had her lay down while he looked her over (presumably just in case she’d had any alien parts surgically attached since we were last there) while Lorelei’s face crumpled up and she reached for daddy. I would’ve cried too if some square-headed man poked and prodded me with chubby fingers and kept mispronouncing my name as LOR A LEE. It’s LOR A LIE, you noted it already a dozen times in her chart, plus it’s what we’ve been calling her since you walked through the door.
He asks some questions, all quiet-like, and instead of asking me (who brought the child in), he directs his questions to Steven. Steven shrugs and looks at me. I answer the questions. We play this game for about 10 minutes. Then, he stands up and wipes his hands on his little white coat and I step in to ask him what his diagnosis is.
“It appears to be an infection of the sinuses.”
“A sinus infection?”
“No. She doesn’t have sinuses yet. But, you wouldn’t know how to diagnose it, so as far as YOU are concerned…sure, it’s a sinus infection.”
(Insert me mentally punching him in his eye sockets here.) “Okay…so the rash is from this, too?”
“Uuuuh. Well. *mumble mumble mumble* It could be from strep but we don’t know and I could put her through the tests but I’d rather just treat this first.”
“The nurse already did a strep test, did it come back inconclusive?”
“Oh she did? Well how about that. It should be back any minute.”
“Did her ears look okay?”
“I couldn’t really tell. There was a lot of wax and I could have dug it out but her overall presentation didn’t look bad enough for me to put her through that.”
I agreed and listened to him drone on for the 3rd time about how we could use just a dab of olive oil before bedtime and blahblahblah.
He leaves the room and I am still not sure what the final diagnosis actually is. He pokes his head in a moment later to tell me the strep test came back negative.
Then, the nurse comes in with a prescription and hopefully the actual diagnosis. He’s calling it a viral infection and he’s giving her a decongestant/antihistamine and some antibiotics.
Excuse me, what?
Antibiotics? For what? You really miss us that much that you’d give my child an antibiotic for a VIRAL infection just so you could see her more once it’s depleted her immune system for no good reason? OH WONDERFUL.
We filled the prescriptions anyhow, after much debate (which was me debating with myself) and I decided to give Lorelei 3 days to improve and then I MIGHT break out the amoxicillin. But, until then, I’d use the other medicine. I open the paper that accompanied the prescription and the first line reads:
ANTIBIOTICS ARE NOT TO BE USED FOR VIRAL INFECTIONS. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN TO HELP AND CAN CAUSE UNNECESSARY STRAIN ON THE IMMUNE SYSTEM, RESULTING IN ….
Take that, doctor square head.
And, just because I tend to doubt myself a lot…I decided to call the office the next morning to make SURE I hadn’t misheard the diagnosis…to make sure he hadn’t said or meant to say BACTERIAL infection instead. So, I call and they pull out the chart.
“What did you say you thought she had?” the nurse said, sounding confused. “Because in here, it says she has a SINUS infection and EAR infection.”
“Does it say anything about a broken arm or that we should come back for a tonsillectomy next week, too?”
“What?”
“Nothing. Thanks.”
Turns out, my daughter has no sinuses and they got infected. Also, her pediatrician is super smart and psychic and used his mind powers to figure out she had an ear infection because he couldn’t see inside them.
In other news, we are looking for a new pediatrician.
Welcome back!
