Boss Sanders

I asked Miss to start a list, so I will too.  Out of fairness ;)  Besides, she says my Amazon list with 99% L’s stuff just doesn’t cut it.  I hope you’ll all do this (and be sure to tell me!  ESPECIALLY if you are doing the bloggy swap!)  Anyways, the idea is to post 100 of my favorite things…for gift ideas/inspiration/etc.  This is way different than the 100 of my favorite things list where you’re allowed to post things like “sex, family, and blah blah blah.”  (Hear me, Miss???)  lol

My 100 things:

1.  Burt’s Bees Chapstick.  With Peppermint.  Nothing works as good.
2.  Crazy/Funky cloth napkins.
3.  Clothes.  I love shopping at stores like Charlotte Russe, Limited, Ann Taylor Loft, Gap, Old Navy, etc.  Depending on the store, my size is always different.  But, that at least gives you an idea of my “style”
4.  This book.
5.  This book.
6.  This book.
7.  This book.
8.  This book.
9.  Chocolate.  OMG.
10. Chocolate, caramel, and pecans…together!
11.  Brownie Bites
12.  Reeses Pieces or Reeses Peanut butter cups
13.  Young Living Essential Oils
14.  I love the “all natural stuff” that you buy at the health food stores
15.  Crafty stuff.  I love it all, mostly.
16.  The smell of chocolate.
17.  Scent of honeysuckle
18.  Fruity scents
19.  Massages
20.  A book on woodworking ( a really good one)
21.  Tools for woodworking
22.  Photoshop Elements 6 for a Mac
23.  A deep freezer (new or old), so I can freeze meals to save money!
24.  Music.  I like music.
25.  Hammock and stand
26. Stationery
27.  Wax seal kit ( I SOOOO WANT THIS!!)
28.  Organizational stuff.
29.  Trips.
30.  I want to go to Disney World
31. Vancouver
32.  Sand Diego
33. Los Angeles
34. Las Vegas
35.  TAZO pomegranate and plum green teas.  Oh geez.  Yum.
36.  Mini colorful outdoor paper lanterns (bright colors)
37.  Funny stuff
38.  Random things (although, I don’t do much when it comes to knicknacks)
39.  Framed Photographs
40.  Wall hangings and paintings (My Bedroom is a blue/ocean-ish feel, Kitchen/DR is lime (the fruit) green with accents of bright colors like pink, yellow, turquoise, and purple and is all about whimsy.  LR is a deep red (brick-ish almost.  Not burgundy.  I hate burgundy.  We’ve got some asian inspired things, but mostly its just dark woods, red, and cozy.  I’m trying not to make it toooo ethnic of any sorts)
41.  dinner at B. Russells
42.  dinner at Flamingo Row
43.  A deck.  Who wants to buy me a deck?  haha.  I’m running out of realistic wishes, here.
44.  A new fridge
45.  A new dishwasher that actually gets stuff clean
46.  A new stove/oven just so it’ll all match haha  (I’m still trying to think of less exp stuff)
47.  I have a garden.  So, a cute mom/daughter gardening set would be cute.
48.  I don’t wear crocs.  And, won’t.  I also won’t wear gloves in the garden.
49.  I like earrings.  I hate bracelets (although if you make me one, I’ll forever cherish it…just not wear it).  I blame my wrists which are bony.
50.  Black stillettos.  Because I have none.  I know, right?  I won’t post my shoe size because I’ll never hear the end of the mockery, but you can email me for sizes.
51.  I’d say little signs for my garden but I kind of cram packed it with a huge variety of stuff.  That, and some of the plants didn’t listen to me and grow where I told them too…stupid birds/rain.
52.  I like outdoor pretty stuff.  You know, chimes, little statues of angels and rocks that say “grow dammit” and other hilarious things.
53.  Roses.  I like roses.  Especially really different ones.  They should come with roots and a pot so I can plant them and they can grow FOREVER!
54.  Starbucks iced frappucino.  Caramel with shots of chocolate.  Vannilla bean is good too.
55.  A sweet phonecall.
56.  Random postcards, letters, cards.  I save them.
57.  Funky mirrors
58.  Those hilarious old-school photos of women with hilarious sayings on things…ahhh you know what I’m talking about, right?
59.  Hell, I’m only on 59???  Plane tickets.
60.  Somebody pay my way for BlogHer 09!!  Haha (Hey, this is my list of wants, and I’m getting strapped for 100!)
61.  Make me something.  I will love it, I swear.
62.  Compost
63.  A new bedding set.  Like this one.  Exactly like it.  lol
64.  2 cheapo bedside tables.  White.  Like these.  Only, I’m cool if they were used and need painting and sanding
65.  Umm…a basic white plant stand (I think they have them at the company store?).  Nothing all wiry, just simple wood.  Simple lines.  Nothing expensive.  Just something I can put indoor plants on in front of the window so my cats won’t eat them.
66.  Indoor bamboo palm plants
67.  Hehe, can you tell I’m wanting to redo my house stuff? Okay, no more mentioning house stuff…  I love throws.  Soft ones.
68.  My favorite colors are raspberry pink and caribbean blues and turquoises.  If you don’t know what raspberry pink is…HERE.  I don’t know what the frick that thing is, but it’s the right color.
69.  I also love bright orange (not neon colors), lime (as in the fruit, not neon) green, and lavender
70.  I like fun, fresh designs and patterns
71.  I also like girly stuff.
72.  I’m running out of room, so I’ll start posting sizes.
73. Waist: 24 inches
74.  Hips: 33 inches
75. I’m about 5′1″ and that should tell you loads about length
76.  Depending on brand, I can wear an XS or Small.  If it’s super small sizes, I can sometimes wear a Medium (like Hollister - but hollister cleans my wallet out and we are not currently friends)
77.  Same with bottoms.  Generally I wear an XS/S or a 1 or 2.  Depending on the brand.
78.  Shoes…5.5 to 6
79.  Ohhhh yeh…I want one of those little bowl thingies with the little grinder doohickey (for herbs).  I forget the names of them and am sure Steven knows, but I don’t want to ask again.  Anyhow, I want one of those.
80.  I like Vodka.  Grey Goose, would be cool to try.
81.  I love wacky “kits”.  Like…cupcake kits, make your own this or that kit, sushi kit, etc.  Whether it’s a store bought already put together kit, or you put it together.  I go crazy over kits.
82.  I also love pampered Chef
83.  And Athleta.com
84.  And food.  And drinks.  And I go crazy over good sweets.
85.  I love pier one an the World Market.
86.  I am a romantic.
87.  Seriously, I love almost anything.  Kiwi Magazine, Wondertime, and Mothering (in that order)
88.  Books.
89.  Are you getting to know my likes/dislikes yet?  I love music of all sorts, as long as its not so head banging rock that I cant understand the words (Limp Bizkit is okay, so if its more headbanging than that…maybe not), I hate listening to yodeling, really bluegrassy music makes me gassy (I like country just not the really hick sounding stuff…I guess i like SOME bluegrass…just not all), and….I think I like most everything else?
90. I like to learn more about my friends.
91.  I like movies but hate owning a bunch.  Hence, we netflix and borrow alot.  Way better.  I like going to the theater occasionally but mostly I end up having to pee and trying to hold it the whole time as some shit kicks the back of my seat (while I need to pee).
92.  I can transform from the whole girly girl to the outdoor chic in like .5 seconds.  Which reminds me, a good all natural and non harmful mosquito and tick repellant would be cool.
93.  I like cooking as long as it’s fun and experimental.  (i.e. I don’t fry chicken or make meatloaf - common southern dishes - unless I’m making them with a twist.  I prefer to eat and cook other stuff).
94.  I pretty much don’t wear camo.  Sorry.
95.  I love hilarious graphic (fitted ) tees.
96.  I love learning.  And, right now, I’m really into natural healing and all that comes with.  And, of course…I want to learn woodworking.
97.  I like fabric.  Colorful, fun, bright, modern, fresh fabric (to sew with).
98.  Almost done!  YES!  The romantic in me loves redenvelope.com, the simple/mod gal in me loves IKEA (although we dont have a store anywhere around here), the neatfreak in me loves the Container Store, the interior designer in me loves Crate and Barrel, Pier 1, and Pottery Barn (occasionally) and World Market.  The crafty in me loves etsy.com and the weirdo in me loves uncommongoods.com.  And the total nerd in me loves bookstores.  Period.  lol
99.  Other interests of mine are: homeschooling, cloth diapering, world religions and alternative views (I’m stocked up on Baptist, Catholic, and Mormon though), alternative lifestyles, psychology, natural healing and alternative medicines…and I think I’ve told you the other stuff.
100.  It’s not so much the stuff, as it is the experience and the thoughts behind it.  If I know you spent time to make me something or really really put  thought into a gift or an “action,” I’ll love it - no matter what it is.  This list is not a beggar’s list, it was REALLY hard for me to fill 100 things.  It’s a guide.  It’s a way to know me better.  And, if you want to use it, you can.  If not, that’s hunky dorey, too!  Mostly, it’s here for the bloggy swap and so I can bribe Miss into doing one, too!!!  lol

A NOTE (OR FEW) BEFORE WE BEGIN:  1.  I fully realize the extent of the floppiness of the 2nd hat.  They were $2 at Walmart yo.  I just couldn’t pass them up.  Besides, she’s still almost bald and we prefer non-sunburned heads.  2.  Yes, I also realize the room in which these photos were taken are kind of dark.  I am in desperate need of some photo editing software for my Mac (*cough* Photoshop! *cough* like for my birthday *cough*).

SET 1: Lorelelei dressed in an elegant No Boundaries dress in black from Mommy’s Closet (it doubles as a tank top) and beautiful faux pearls.  To top off this fantabulous look is a black/white polka-dotted hat with a tiny rosette.  A second necklace will appear later in this set, and that’s from Mommy’s Closet as well.

SET 2:  In these photographs, Lorelei is wearing a fashionable dress from Melo’s closet (thanks Nissa!  I love you!), as well as a hot pink football Mardi Gras style necklace (that she did NOT in fact get from Mardi Gras, thankyouverymuch) and a very floppy (but cute) hat.  As in the first set, Lorelei chose her own necklace - in fact, mommy suggested the white pearl again for set 2, but Lorelei disagreed and took the white off to put the pink on.  In this set, Lorelei shows us that these necklaces can be doubled up or worn as a long strand (only for the seasoned models/walkers, however).

What do you do when you turn around to put food on the highchair tray for (her) lunch, and the highchair’s missing? You bribe her to roll it back down the hallway and put it back. You can count to three all you want and threaten , but the thing that gets this kid moving? Food.

The sign-up deadline for the Sending My Love - Bloggy Swap has just passed, and now it’s on to the good stuff.

First, I need the following people to email me their addresses please:

1. MamaWise 3. Hockeyman 4. huckdoll

6. Jogging In Circles 7. Shamelessly Sassy 8. Zoeyjane 9. Sarah 10. Miss

11. BusyDad 12. A Whole Lot of Nothing 13. Immoral Matriarch

NOTE- I know numbers two and five are missing…that’d be myself and hubs. I have our address memorized (waiting for a standing ovation…cookie…or something…) *sigh* Fine.

Second, I will explain to you how you got your partner. The idea is that you know ONLY who you will be sending to. Take a look:

Number 5 is me. Those folded up papers? They all contain numbers between 1 and 13 (well, except for 5). If you signed up, your number is one of those. To demonstrate, I unfolded mine. To the left, is a number (which will correlate DIRECTLY to the signup list above)…that person will be mailing me something. To the right is a different number, and I’ll be mailing them something. Make sense?

Out of fun, fairness, and secrecy (because I don’t want to know who is sending me anything), I left the 4 pieces of paper directly behind my number unopened. I will mark them so I know which order they went in and have Steven open them and email THOSE partners. I could have left only the number right in front of me unopened, but who are we kidding? I would SO have known by the end of the emails.

So, now…I need those of you on the list above to send me your emails. I will send you (or Steven will) the address of the person you are supposed to send your package/mail to. I did this TOTALLY randomly. I not only could not see the numbers, but I also didn’t have the names/numbers paired together where I could see them or memorized. In full disclosure, I did have to have 2 ppl swap places on the circle because Angie was going to be mailing her husband something, and that would’ve sucked. Other than that…I didn’t tamper with anything. So, if you wanted a different partner…um…well I have no clue what to tell you. Luck hates you I guess? I kid I kid. I know we allll love each other equally, right?

Assuming that you send me your address soon, I should have your partner’s addy sent to you by this weekend. After that, prepare a box (or letter) that’s full of love. Anything you want (welll…). The send-off deadline is September 15, 2008. You can send sooner, if you want. DO NOT POST or tell ANYONE who you sent your stuff too. When sending off your package or letter, you can tell who you are. And, once you get it from the partner that sent to you, you can post what you got on your blog.

Let me know if I forgot anything?

PS - I highly highly recommend getting Delivery Conf numbers because occasionally people that your packages were NOT intended for get butterfingers…and your packages go missing…and the post office sits on their hands. It took me $200 worth of packages to figure this one out. Just sayin’.

Things I wish to remember…Lorelei at 15 months…

- You “honk” people’s noses
- All animals are either dogs (panting noise) or cats (OW! –derived from the sound “meow”)
-You still love bananas and refuse to call them as such.  They are “nana” for now. You ask for them for breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, supper, and any other time.  You even ask for them when you are sleepy or get hurt.
-You  take showers.  You know how to “wash” yourself.
-You do love water, and swimming is fun, too.  But lake water?  Not so much.  Actually, you scream.
-You loved your first boat ride with Grandpa, Daddy, and I…but the life jacket?  It just pissed you off.  But, once we started riding you got quiet and shut your eyes (because of the wind).
-You climb things.  Even people.  Or, you try.
-You like to hold things…in both hands.  It makes you happy.
-You hug and kiss alot and are incredibly sweet and affectionate.  You’ve even said “I love you” a couple of times.
-You know how to put a person on hold and then hang up on them once you’ve said “hiday” or “hi” to them.  Once you hang up on them, you try to call places without our area code…in fact, I’m not even sure it’s in the US.  Sometimes, you’ll sort through our phone book and find people that we rarely talk to.
-You like to feed Glory.  Your food.
-You can dance, even to music on the local radio station that wasn’t intended for one year olds.
-You know how to water the garden
-You share well
-Sometimes you get really frustrated with things, especially if you don’t get to do something you really want to do.  I know it’s just a stage, but the whining is…urgh.
-You SOOOO have daddy wrapped around your finger…all of them.
-You love accessorizing with your necklaces.  You know how to put them on and loop them to make them shorter (as to not step on them).  You love wearing them anywhere we go…or just by themselves.
-You are beginning to get interested in dolls.  You will love on them and even try to feed them (well…give them drinks)…but you’ll ditch them as soon as a better toy comes along.  Like your water table.  (Or, you might make dolly go swimming/drowning?)

Yeh yeh, I know.  It’s July 14, almost 15.  So, I’m going to save the words and just get to the photographs.

This is… L at the “petting zoo” set up in front of Kenlake Hotel.

Wanna smell my fingers?:

Auntie Amburger (Amber) showing how the pig will roll over if you rub its (his/her) stomach:

Ha!  I got ya!

Don’t worry, ducky…I just wanna “honk” your nose…

She thought this guy was a dog.  Almost, but not quite.

She thought he was a dog, too.  (And, she thought the long-haired bunny was a kitty)

Lorelei trying to get into the white “dog’s” cage:

Wanna dare me?  I swear I’ll do it! (Up to no good)

Err…What’s that stuck to your head?  I bet I can get it off for you…  Let me try…

You look a lot less scary from this end.  Hey, what is that?

Her favorite part of it all:

I have some 5th of July photos that are a wee bit late in getting up here…but hey.  Shut it.

Oh, and yes, we chose to celebrate the 4th all weekend long.  Catholics, what can I say?

Grams’ flowers:

Grams threatening my dad:

Brown Bag Special:

Would you like water or beer with that?

Hubs:

Lorelei and Grams

Josh (my “little” bro) and (his girlfriend) Katelynn

Aunt Sheila (isn’t she adorable?):

Aunt Phyllis and Uncle John (who refused to look at the camera.  So, instead I got a picture of his butt.  Thanks.)

Let me show you:

L and Aunt Phyllis:

A hug for Sam:

Stop and smell the flowers:

Yesterday, when I got the phone call about Shad, I worked on getting a “prayer chain” together.  I messaged some of my closest friends, blogged it, and even sent out a mass email to my contact list.  I never dreamed that Gmail would randomly attach emails that belonged to companies and almost everyone I’d ever conversed with in the past few months.  I braced myself for a lot of backlash, both from unfeeling people who did not share my beliefs as well as from people scolding me about my (accidental) un-professionalism.  And then, I decided I didn’t care.  I decided that for every person that wanted to send me a hate email (there was actually only one that was truly “hateful” towards ME), there would be tons more that got to pray for Shad, that wouldn’t have had Gmail not been wiley.  Yesterday, over 400 people across the globe prayed for Shadrach Boaz (we know him as Shad Boaz).

Today, Shad passed.  He had been flown to Vanderbilt, in hopes that there was something more that could be done.  But, the damage was too great.  I firmly believe that each of your prayers and warm blessings and thoughts did NOT go in vain.  I ask you to keep praying for him and for the family and friends he left behind.  I am choosing to leave the previous message up, and I invite anyone that would like to leave a message to do so - whether on this post or the previous one.

God bless you all and thank you so much for your prayers.  They are -and forever will be- deeply appreciated.  More than you will ever know.

 UPDATE: 

Services will be at noon

Tuesday at Heartland Worship

Center.

Firends may call from 4 until

8 p.m. Monday and after 10

a.m. Tuesday at the church.

Further arrangements were

incomplete at Milner & Orr

Funeral Home of Paducah.

Expressions of sympathy

may take the form of contributions

to Shadrach H. Boaz

Memorial Scholarship Fund,

c/o St. Mary School System,

1243 Elmdale Rd., Paducah

Shad Boaz. He’s only 20 years old and he’s in the hospital right now.

And, I need a favor. A huge favor. You see, this boy and his parents are friends of our family. This morning, on the way to work, he lost a tire and while trying to over-correct, he swerved off the road (and possibly flipped - I’m not straight on that part of the story yet) and hit a tree…which then fell on his car. Currently, his brain is swollen but is being kept alive by a life support machine.

And, I need you all. I don’t care if you’ve never prayed, I don’t care if you think your prayers have never been answered. Heck, I don’t even care if you don’t believe in God. I. don’t. Care. I’m asking you to simply send up a prayer, that his brain will go back down to normal and that he’ll be okay. If you don’t pray, then will you please send up good thoughts, or meditate, or do it all. I FIRMLY believe that when enough people want the same thing, the universe/God hears us and it happens.

So, please…for me…for a few seconds will you back away from the computer and pray/send good thoughts/meditate for this boy (and his family, too)?

I would so very much appreciate it …

PS - I’ll leave updates here, as I get them.

PSS - If anyone even TRIES to take over this post and even makes my friends feel even the slightest bit of crap for what they believe (no matter what it is), I will cut you off and you will be banned. We’re sending up nothing but love here at this blog. Because that’s the way I roll.

UPDATE (July 9 ): At approximately 1:30 PM (ish), Shad Boaz passed on. Please continue to keep him, his family, and his friends in your prayers.

UPDATE (July9): According to some of my family members that have been in contact with the Boaz’s, Shad is still having “relatively no brain activity.” We aren’t sure what the family is planning as their next step, but please keep him in your prayers. Absolutely NOTHING is impossible.

UPDATE (July 8 ): According to tonight’s news, Shad Boaz was airlifted to Vanderbilt in Nashville. I don’t have any additional news at this point, but tomorrow I will try to update again. Please keep praying.

UPDATE (July 8 ): I just think this is so awesome, and wanted to make a list of all the wonderful people that are out there and have sent their prayers up. (I’m sorry if I forget anyone, but if I do, just let me know and I’ll add you!)

Ashley (me) - “I am doing all that I know to do (prayer) to help. I wish I could do more (please let me know if there IS something). My prayers are with Shad and all of you. I pray that God will heal his body and wrap all those that love him in a cloak of comfort.”

Dadspeed

Damon - “Wow, this is such a sad story.
having covered such stories for our paper out here in Philadelphia, I can tell you that every bit of prayer helps.
So I will pray for this young man - as I will for the many individuals in similar conditions. Life is very, very fragile…”
Sandy, Gary, and Josh Wurth

Miss - “Beautifully written my dear. My thoughts and well wishes are with him and his family..”

MamaWise - “My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family…”

XBox - I was late on the timing, but your friend has my very very best wishes.
I hope he fights back to good health.
Kimmylyn

WPAT

Mama - “All the best to everyone.”

giddyteri - “will pray earnestly”

Maggie - “good thoughts sent his way”

SMURPHYINC - “i am praing now and im due @ 10 PT will pray then too! hoping for the best…please God! xx”

BocaBeth - “God Bless and provide strength for the boy and his family and friends”

Joeprah - “I am sending thoughts and prayers your way. May God bless him and all his family and friends during this difficult time.”

Vonetta - “Done! I am prayerful that your friend will recover and be whole again.”

2chix.com - “We sent our prayers for his complete recovery!!!!!!!!!!!”

Debby D from Dogwood Farms - “Hello Ashley,
I have sent out my prayers for this young man, though a little later than your e-mail asked.
I do believe strongly in the power of prayer, and in the mysterious power of the love and concern that people feel as they send up their prayers to God. Your concern is moving, even for me, a stranger to you.
Do you mind telling me his first name?
I will continue to think and pray for him, and would appreciate have his first name in mind when I do so.”

Faith Skincare - “Hi Ashley will pray and I will pass this on to my church Intercessors blessings”

Kelly Joe (oops, I emailed a spammer?) - “GOD HEALS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Wendy - “I am praying for the boy and his family and for you!”

Jeremy - “Sending prayers your way. I hope your friend heals. Very sorry.”

Momo - “I am so sorry. I will pray…hard.”

Sheena - “Sending healing thoughts your way”

Christy M - “I received your email at 1:45 and said a prayer for your friend and the whole family. I prayed for strength, peace, and for God’s guidance during this very hard time.”

Gail (Eternal Vision) - received the message about your friend. Please know that we are praying for him.
Keep us posted on his progress.

The Butterbaugh’s - “We’re family friends as well ….May our loving God embrace Shad and comfort him, may He give him strength and bring him to healing. As our God cares for Shad, may He also envelop his family in his love and provide them peace and the strength of knowing that His will shall guide Shad.”

Angels On Earth - Guideposts Ministries

Tim - ” Ash, I’m so sorry to hear of this. Please keep me updated.
I hope and pray that he pulls through.”

Mindee - “Forwarded to my prayer group…please keep us posted.”

ChicExecs - “O no… so sorry to hear this! I said a prayer. Please keep us posted.”

Maria - “it’s a given babe, he’s been in my thoughts since I got your email. he’ll pull through.”

Jason - “May God bless and heal Shad…in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Amen. ”

Goli - “Hi I am shad’s aunt and we are so worried about him. Please please everybody send good thoughts and Ashley when you get any updates PLEASE let us know.
We love you Shad”

Molly - “Our thoughts are with you and your friend-we’re hoping for his speedy recovery. All the best”

Do you ever hear something that just really touches you, brings memories back? This afternoon, while getting ready, I was listening to the radio and this song came on (Bye Bye by Mariah Carey –above). And, I blinked back tears as I remembered those that have entered and left my life (one way or another) and the imprints that they left.

This…is for you.For my Gramps, who I miss so very much. I see you in so many things: riding lawn mowers, gourd bird houses (any birdhouse, actually), an empty ash tray, military medals, when someone says “You ordered it. You eat it.” And, so much more. I miss you Gramps, and I hope you know how much I love you. I really did mean to say goodbye…

For the many aunts and uncles who are no longer here. I miss you all, too. Uncle Paul, you inspired me. Aunt Pat, you were always so fun and so full of life - I remember you always smiling and laughing. Uncle Milo, I remember rides on your trike. Uncle Bo, you were always so kind and so sweet…and gone in an instant. Uncle Ed, I remember the way you made us all laugh, and you could entertain us for hours–like magic. Literally.

For D. my best friend, who chose to leave when I needed you the most. You turned your back on me and voluntarily walked out of my life. I miss the person you used to be. I miss the long phone calls, and the connection we shared. I miss the way we could make each other smile through the many tears. I hope life is treating you well…

For C., the boy who held my hand when I cried. Who defended me when people trashed my name. You were the first boy I fell in love with. You picked me up when I fell, defeated. And, then…you turned around and tried to break me. But, you didn’t. Sometimes, I miss you too. Or, who you used to be. We used to have a lot of fun, together. I miss the friendship. But, to be totally honest, I hope I see you soon. And, although I’m happy now, I hope I look kick ass and I hope you see me and feel a little regret. Just because you were a total ass when we said goodbye.

For J and B. You both changed my lives dramatically. You saved me from myself and you were there when I needed someone (and didn’t know that). Thanks for that. I miss you, both. Sorry I was an idiot. And, in case you care…things are pretty great now in my life.

For S.B., I never thought your story would end the way it did. I thought you were indestructible, I guess. My mom told me when she heard. I had to pull over on the side of the road as I cried. I miss you. You held my hand and you dried my tears when I’d come to school late, crying because I just had a fight with my mom. You’d threaten to kick the other boys stupid arses, which made me laugh. When B made cry, you ran after me — ignoring the “Girls” sign on the bathroom. You drug me out and you made me talk…and then you made him be nice. And, when B2 tried to humiliate me in class, you took care of it. You had my back. I had yours. We talked everyday, and then I went away. I’m so sorry that I didn’t keep in touch…and, now you’re gone…and, it’s too late. I thought I had forever, and I was wrong.

….