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27
Timestamp: 2010-06-01 18:25:39 UTC
Comment number 27 was Sandy. Congratulations! You should be receiving an email from us soon!
I used to be of the mindset that truth was a simple thing – that truth was not only always the best policy, but that sugarcoating it was for wussies. –That, if you couldn’t handle the blunt, raw truth…that it was YOUR problem. I believed that if everyone was just THAT honest, we’d all be a happier, simpler world.
Since then, I’ve learned differently.
Since then, I’ve learned that we all see truth in our own ways. What I believe to be true and what you believe to be true could be totally different. We experience things differently, and while certain things will remain consistent, there will be others that change depending on who you ask.
I’ve also learned that truth is much like water – it can heal or it can destroy, depending upon how it is delivered.
A cup of water gently delivered to someone tired and thirsty? Healing.
Water sprayed in their face? Not so much.
Water sprinkled on parched soil? Healing.
Water blasted by a firehose on fertile farmland? Not so much.
A warm bath to soak tired muscles? Healing.
Boiling water poured over same body…Not so much.
Truth, like water, can heal or it can destroy.
Delivered GENTLY and with love, it can heal. Sprayed in someone’s face and/or with anger, it can destroy.
There’s a time for honesty and there’s a time to simply listen. And, while I don’t advocate lies – I believe that in order to follow Jesus, our lives have to be “sugarcoated” in the Holy Spirit – in compassion, in love.
Your so called “honesty” is sometimes nothing more than a concealed deadly dagger perched and ready to pierce a soul.
Today, I hope you disarm yourself and take the time to “sugarcoat” your lives lest you learn this lesson the hard way. Like I have.
*EDIT: Coating things in kindness is something I believe we should all aspire to, however I do not believe you should look to me as your model. That’s not what this post is about. I, too, am imperfect and strive daily (and mess up just as much) to seek God’s face.
*EDIT: This post was NOT a response or post geared to any one person (or people). However, this blog is not a fictional one, and I did write about a TOPIC that has affected me and that I feel strongly about.
This week is going to be a 6-day week for me, right after I delete today from my memory.
It’s been one of THOSE days – the kind where you feel so emotionally and mentally handicapped that there doesn’t seem like much more of an option other than JUST BEING. -Where even painting (something you normally enjoy) seems like a task so unapproachable.
One of those days where bad news follows bad news which follows more less-than-desirable news.
Yep. One of those days.
And, on top of it all, my brain is doing somersaults, trying to find the “right” answer to a problem in my head – one where spiritual and physical conflict and just leave me questioning all over again.
Right now, my life feels like it’s suspended for a month or two as we wait for some news.
I almost wish they wouldn’t have even said anything.
How’s that for a cryptic emo post?
ONE
Lorelei (looking at and holding her baby, says to her/it in a whisper voice): “Baby. You look at me! Don’t say ‘dammit’! No.” Then, she proceeded to open her mouth insanely wide and…bite her.
Me: *looked at her, mouth wide open in astonishment*
Lorelei: “What?” (as if she was just doing the most natural thing in the world)
TWO
Lorelei: (As Rora crawls onto Lorelei’s chest) No, Rora! Don’t get me! You’re pushing God, He’s in my heart! Mama! Get her off of me!”
THREE
Lorelei: DADDDY! Where you going? Are you getting ready?
Dad: Yep. I’m getting ready to go to work.
Lorelei: Noooooo!!! No go to work!
Dad: Well, I have to go to work so I can make money so we can buy you things.
Lorelei: Oh. Okay.
FOUR
(During tutoring)
Me (to a student): Okay, so if a woman has blood type A and her husband has type B blood, what type will their children have?
Lorelei: C!! Because A-B-C!!!!! C comes next! Yay, good job!
Note: She usually doesn’t join me for tutoring sessions. Thankfully.
FIVE
Me: Hey, Steven…have you checked the mouse trap today? I don’t want to see it, but you should check to see if we caught Mr. Mouse.
Steven: (gets cell phone and shines light under the dishwasher) Um…I don’t see it.
Me: What…you don’t see the mouse?
Steven: I don’t see anything.
Me: As in…it’s too dark?
Steven: No…as in…the mouse trap is gone. And, no mouse. I think it ate it.
Awesome. We have a scary phantom mouse that EATS mouse traps. Awesome.
Around the house…A load of laundry finished. Plan to do another load, but beyond that, not planning to clean.
A few plans for the rest of the week: My calendar is filled with tutoring, physical therapy, a bible study and book club…then drill. Depending on how I feel, I may go to church with a friend.
I started this blog in the beginning of 2008. In the beginning, I wanted to share stories about my daughter, Lorelei and also to just …be creative (like my “ad for a sugardaddy” or crafts). As time passed, I became convinced that my blog should be and go far deeper than that. I wanted people to know me. To REALLY know me, and not just the good, sugar-coated part. I expected a lot of people to run at the sight of blatant honesty (and many other emotions, warranted or not), but I wanted to know that when I looked around at the people surrounding me…I wanted to know that those people were there because they wanted to be. Because they loved me…entirely.
At first, blogging was awesome. Let’s be honest: A lot more people stuck around then I thought would. People would come up to me and start conversations where my blog post left off. Word traveled about my blog, and soon more people than I can count began reading my blog (sometimes they met my blog before they met me). It was great being able to say the hard stuff just ONCE and not over and over again. It was fun to be able to announce our second pregnancy to friends we’d made all over the country AND some family members ALL AT ONCE.
But, then…there are times like this when I really struggle with keeping a blog at all.
I can’t help but notice the drop in comments from 2008 to 2010 (although my traffic has increased 20x). I can’t help but notice that the people who used to call, don’t. Actually, sometimes I feel like I should make my blog private just to force people to call me to ask how my day was. You know, to have friendships…the kind where I *know* you care and then we can have a two sided conversation about our lives. When the comments AND the phone calls stop, you just feel like you’ve been left behind, like nobody really wants to talk to you, online or off.
And sometimes… I think I might miss the facade of “the girl that is always happy.” I wouldn’t for long, I don’t think, but sometimes…I wonder, “Would it be better to just smile and pretend?”
I will always have stories to tell, but I’m wondering if maybe I should move it somewhere else.
