I finally took the initiative to look up what all of the hub-bub about this swine flu was about.  Typically, I ignore the news and get only the utmost “important” things from family and friends.  Some of you would say I’m not educating myself on the happenings of the world, but to be honest, I feel like I’m staying true to what really matters: the world around ME and the people who live in it.  That, and I don’t really care for the media’s representation of much of anything these days.  I’m just not ready to jump on the doom and gloom wagon, I have enough things in my own life that could easily get me down.

So, 109 cases so far, and one death in the US.  Although, the one death was a mexican visiting Texas and had “underlying conditions” and died from the pneumonia that the flu caused.  Being prepared is one thing, but I won’t be stocking up on tape and face masks just yet.  And, if I do…it’ll have nothing to do with swine flu.  I will take this plenty serious, but as of right now?  I have a better chance of walking into the road and getting run over than I do of dying from the swine flu.  Actually, seeing as how some people don’t read speed limit signs out here, that may not be saying much.  But, still.

Since I’m not spending my time raiding the shelves of Walmart for jugs of water, face masks, and duct tape, Steven and I had plenty of time to spare after my doctor’s appointment yesterday.  (I am still 3 cm, 80% effaced just like I was on Tuesday.)  So, we decided to head a town over and look at apartments.  If you know me at all (or have read my blog for over a month), you really shouldn’t have to ask WHY, but in case you are, I’ll save you the extra embarrassment from not really having been paying attention.

You see, Steven lost his job a couple of months ago and it was pretty much “Surprise!  Don’t come back!”  kind of thing.  And, while we have our theories as to the WHYS – which have everything to do with the management of the company and their finances and not much at all to do with S – none of it really matters much at this point.  And, in case you are still confused, I’ll break it down further…

No job = No income

No income + bills + creditors = Still no income

Do you see where I’m going with this?  We didn’t really have “savings” and are pretty much winging it (and have been) but are getting rather close to the end of the pot of money we were able to scrounge together.  Instead of waiting for another month or two, we thought we’d be proactive and just look at apartments and prices while we still have CHOICES and a little time, rather than being backed into a corner with only one or two options.

In other news, still no job.  Leads here and there, but after 2 months – nothing means anything until a contract is signed.  Now, we’re looking at the possibility of going full time military – I’m still figuring out how I feel about that, and it will mean a very probably move in a few years if we go with that.  Only thing is, there will still have to be a few rounds of jumping through fiery rings just to do that – and it all has to be done fast and of course is not in my hands at all.  So, yeh.

In even more AWESOME news…our last dependable vehicle died.  DIED.  So, we jumped it one last time (for now) and my grams let us use her old car, which well…yeh.  *Sigh*

There’s more, there always is…but that should give you a pretty good idea as to why I’m stressed.  And, why if anyone else tells me to just “Calm down” or “Focus on me and the baby”…well, please don’t.  I am trying to see the rainbows, I really am.  But, right now…I’m almost 40 weeks pregnant and feel like I have absolutely no control over much of anything.

In fact, I’m beginning to wonder if this baby is even going to be born before the year is out.  Well, not really…but I am wondering if maybe my body is a little confused, considering all of the trouble and hormone issues I had with conceiving L in the first place, and other hormone-related type issues.  I’m wondering if the baby is ready and my body is just a little confused.  I know NORMALLY, your body should know what to do, but I also know sometimes, the rules don’t always apply and what if I’m one of the weird ones?

Welcome back!

I’m still pregnant.

That, and the whole “she’ll come when she’s ready” thing?  It’s getting old.  Like a geezer in plaid pants and suspenders old.

That’s all for now.  I’m going to go sit on a ball and read now.

No baby yet.  *Sigh*

This week at my appointment, I’d really hoped they would’ve told me I had progressed SOMEHOW, that I was either dilated more (I’ve been 1 cm dilated since last week) or effaced.  Something.  But, there was no change.  Steven will be going out of town soon and it scares me that I could go into labor without him.  Not that I couldn’t do it without him, but because I WANT him there.  I need him there for support.  Besides, who else can I make rude gestures and remarks towards that will actually think it’s kind of funny?  He’s the only person I can think of that I can threaten to stab his liver with a dull spoon and he finds it HUMOROUS – regardless of how serious I may be at the moment.  This is one of the reasons I love him.

So, I was hoping I’d basically progress on my own or be induced before he went out of town, thereby canceling his trip OR well…canceling the trip so he’d be with me and there’d be NO chance that I could have the baby over the few days he would be gone into a high security area with no cell phone service as a huge possibility – and miles away.

But, my doctor said I hadn’t progressed – DESPITE the fact that I all but drank 80 gallons of red raspberry leaf tea, squatted like a duck, and all but begged my husband to please just hurry up and have sex with me (and do it fast), because this baby needs to GET OUT NOW.  He’s been a trooper, let me tell you.  But, he understands…he was hoping he’d get to skip the “out of town engagement” as well.

Instead, I’m still 1 cm but have miraculously grown to 124 lbs.  This HAS to be water weight, now.  HAS to be.  I’ve been drinking TONS of water and herbal tea and MAN.  We won’t mention my last two trips to the chocolate factory.  Nope we won’t.  The rash is gone for now.  I ended up going to the doctor a day early last week and got a prescription refilled for the cream I had earlier in the pregnancy.  It took the stuff like 3 days to kick it, and I’m proud to say that I’m no longer slimy feeling…OR itchy!  I also think my skin is beginning to go back to it’s original state – more of a combination rather than “dry” and scaly…thank heavens!

False labor comes and goes here and there but mostly stops when I get up.  Mostly.  And, it never really gains intensity.  Except this morning.  THIS morning was contractions in my tummy rather than my back and felt more like knives instead of cramping and wowza, they hurt.  My legs and feet ached like crazy..but it all went away after a bit.  At this point, I really wish she’d come – but, I wish the contractions would either be the real thing…or not.  It’s killing my sleeping habits…you know, the habit of sleeping at night time?!

And, somehow…I’ve still been able to avoid the dreaded AWFUL heartburn I had last time.  Granted, I’ll get little twinges here and there but it’s NOTHING like I had with L.  Oh, and my favorite breakfast right now is homemade whole wheat waffles with carmelized bananas.  YUM.  Steven makes them for me and well, YUM.  I used to make these for Lorelei when she was a wee one and didn’t throw her food at me.

This past Tuesday, a friend of mine invited some of my closest friends to one of my favorite restaurants and it was soooo wonderful!  I love getting together with them all and was excited to be able to share that time with them since we all end up really busy with our own families.  Then, to top it off, they paid my check AND showered me with some VERY well thought out goodies!  These ladies know me – each and every gift was PERFECT.  I’m telling you.  PERFECT.  EACH ONE.  I’m so incredibly blessed and love them all so very much!

—–

And, now for something new:

————————THANKFUL THURSDAYS——————————–

Funny conversations.  Great friends who truly know you.   A husband who will wake up in the middle of the night just rub my back and sit with me when I’m hurting.  A God who loves me no matter what.  My crazy-awesome doula whom I LOVE.  Chocolate Factory Fudge.  Flamingo Row Shipwrecks.  My parents and brother and the rest of my family – some of the most loving and generous people I know.  My father-in-law, who would drop everything to come and see us.  Lorelei’s sweet kisses, hugs, and smiles.  The best church-family ever.  Indoor plumbing.  A place to let go.  Ability to hear with my heart even when my head won’t shut up.

…and for second and third and billionth chances…

It’s crazy to not have a doctor appointment today.  I’ve had my appointments on Tuesdays right after lunch pretty much since I became pregnant!  I thought for sure I’d have trouble remembering the appointment, but then there’s the whole I DON’T GET OUT MUCH thing, so this is like my big outing.  Yeh, sad, I know.  I look forward to Walmart trips too, and I know that makes me weird, too. 

Anyhow, at 37 weeks…

Occasional back-ache cramp type stuff go on.  Like period cramps, cept not.  Obviously.

Most days, I feel REALLY drained and exhausted and literally have no energy.  For anything.  You could tell me there was a cupcake on the counter and I wouldn’t even get up.  See?  THAT should tell you something.

The nausea.  It’s THISCLOSE to throwing up, but I don’t.  It’s random.  Sometimes it’s mornings, sometimes it’s during the day (like now), and sometimes it’s at night while I’m trying to sleep.  Sometimes it just kind of stays with me all dang day.  But, I don’t actually throw up.  The nurses have offered me more Zofran, but since I’m not losing lots of food and it’s mostly just a pain, I’d rather not take the extra medication.

The itchy rash.  It’s BACK!  The one that makes me want to peel my skin off.  They never really figured out what it was before, and I’m hesitant (again) to get the cream again just because I feel like it’s medicine that will also go to my baby and I really think I can tough it out for a few more weeks.  I’ll just whine all about it!  The doc’s office has since wished they’d gotten me in today rather than Thursday so they could check it out again but my calendar is kind of already full up until Thursday.

Standing hurts.  Sitting hurts.  Sometimes, even laying hurts.  I’m in the uncomfortable part now.  Sitting straight up makes me want to puke, and puts pressure where pressure isn’t really fun.  Standing feels like I’ve, what…got a kid’s head between my legs?  And, laying down gets uncomfy when the baby decides to lay all funky, taking my tummy with her and leaving me in a really weird position.

Tremors.  Actually, my belly (or should I say uterus?) has been VIBRATING occasionally.  I looked it up because when I ask people about it, I get weird looks.  It SERIOUSLY feels like she’s having seizures.  It’s not a wiggle or a roll or hiccups or little situating.  It lasts for like 10-15 seconds or so and is like seizures.  But then she acts fine.  I think L might have done this too and she’s perfectly fine.  So, yeh.  I don’t know what it is.

Vitamins make me sick, so I’m not really taking them right now.  (But I’ve upped my fruit/veggie intake)

I’m eating smaller meals more often.  Or trying.  I’m getting full-feeling faster.

Definitely have to pee alot.  As in frequently.  Like every 10 minutes sometimes.

I SO DID go buy a vinyl mattress cover because the thought of peeing in the bed or my water breaking in the bed freaks me out…only because this mattress is basically brand new and won’t fit in the washer.

The baby clothes have been brought downstairs and are now hanging on hangers.  Most of them.  …You know, the ones L hasn’t pulled off the hanger yet.

Everything else in this house looks like a disaster zone and I just want to sleep.  So, when do I get the surge of energy?  I have cloth napkins to make, a house to clean, and other stuff to make!  What the heck!

We still have a huge list of stuff to do… like pack the bags, install the carseat (and find the carseat), clean out the SUV, mow the shaggy lawn, and stuff like that.  Oh and clean the house.  Bleh.

“So, what kind of church is this?”  My little younger brother asked of my approaching baptism.

“Oh, you know…the usual,”  I replied, “black hooded capes and candles and stuff.  You know..the usual.”

“Of course,” he said.

(NOTE:  SARCASM)

This baptism was a little less nerve-wracking than my first – or, I would imagine, anyhow.  I wore a cute little white frilly thing for my first baptism, and this past Easter Sunday, I stood in front of my closet trying to decide between a pair of gray drawstring pants or khaki capris – the only two pairs of “pants” that still fit me (with the exception of some very HOT blue and yellow spongebob pajama pants).  It was a tough call, but ultimately I went with the capris after having carefully calculated exactly who had seen me in which bottoms the most that previous week.

S and I arrived at the church early for an Easter “break-fast”, leaving L to come in time for the services with my mom.  I took advantage of the smorgasborg and piled my plate high, knowing that soon I’d have to move back to pants that use real buttons rather than elastic bands.  Besides, Aurora made me.

The service itself was great, well…except for one thing.  I really thought Mike was going to break out into a solo with his microphone but alas, he did not.  My disappointment dissipated quickly, though, as it WAS Easter – that, and my attention span was burning a little short thanks to the (delicious) breakfast we’d had earlier.

As I waddled walked out the side door to prepare for the baptism, L screamed her protest.  I swear the kid wanted NOTHING to do with me until the moment she thought I was going somewhere.  So, we went ahead and brought her to the back.  I was handed something that looked much like a summertime blue space suit – and despite my request to have one specially trimmed in white lace, I ended up donning the suit as was.  I’m sure they simply forgot.

I had also discussed with certain members that I would like my own theme song and some special back-lighting.  I figured if they’d just hold me up as I entered the water, I could do some fancy footwork and make this a service nobody would soon forget.  Instead, they just stared at me.

“What?  You mean I actually have to walk down the steps by myself?  Or, do I wait for you to push me?”

They let me walk.

I do have to say, though – they did warm the water up quite nicely and the area really is the perfect size for a water birth.  And, much closer to hospitals (just in case).  So…I’m thinking…

Anyways, it was great and wonderful (even without the theme music, lace, and lighting), but I’m pretty sure I traumatized my poor sweet L – seeing as how she screamed bloody murder when I went underwater.  After that, she wouldn’t leave my side until I was dressed and standing out front again with all sorts of plugs and outlets nearby to play with.  Sorry kid, I know it was your birthday and Easter and all, but I thought it’d be fun to make you think I was being drowned (I maybe should’ve explained what was going to happen to you first?)

Oh…and I’m a little upset that nobody told me you’d only be able to see my hairline and up since I’m so short.  Had I known, I’d totally have packed some moon-shoes and hair-sprayed my hair up into a cute but very large beehive so at least people could see my hair.  Just sayin’.

That – and, a trapeze or some dolphins.  Oh, and the stairs coming down?  Totally needs to be a water slide.  For real.

But really…it was perfect.

(My hot attire without the lace I requested)

(No wonder L screamed.  It does kind of look like he’s drowning me – which he wasn’t.)

(This should so be a slide.  That, and Steven thinks I look like Mary here.  A very pregnant Mary with swollen ankles.  And no lace.)

Apparently in one short week, I gained an entire 4 lbs. I’m seriously considering having them do another ultrasound to check to see if I somehow am now having twins…or maybe Aurora sprouted another head? A really really big head? But, really 120 lbs? Are you KIDDING me?

On the 6th (of April), I had some lovely little contractions for about 5 hours. They mostly felt like achey back cramps (like menstrual cramps) – and were super annoying and dull with a little bit of hardening in my uterus…but, it felt almost constant, like there were no real beginning and end…so I couldn’t time them. I emailed my doula who was out of town, knowing she probably wouldn’t get the email until she came back to work (VACATION? Who do you think you are, woman!? just kidding) but obviously wasn’t TOO concerned because I neither texted (or called) her OR my OB. It was more of a “Hmm…maybe I SHOULD be packing stuff and unpacking baby clothes” kind of thing and I knew they’d be quite a lot more intense if it were progressing far enough. I did try the water and resting thing (on both sides) and it helped not. So…I guess my body just wanted some practice time.

Or, maybe I have a bladder infection. At my doctor’s appointment, they noticed some extra protein in my urine, but trace levels. After a string of “how does it feel to pee” sort of questions, which I apparently did not answer to their liking (I was peeing just fine…and frequently), they decided to send it off for testing. Just to be sure. I bought cranberry juice. And, ever since they told me I MIGHT have an infection I’m pretty sure my brain has decided that it might as well because I’m feeling a bit more…eh…uncomfortable. I’m not convinced it’s not in my head, but I’ll start cranberry pills tomorrow JUST IN CASE.

Oh, and I have a rash on my chest again. It’s random and a little itchy and kind of looks like heat rash, cept it stays around. Not like the itchiness of the rashes I had before, just…normal itchy. Not sure what that’s from (maybe just hormones or something else random), but figured I’d note it anyhow. Have had it for a couple of days.

Speaking of hormones…I’m like a regular bleary eyed softy these days. What? We ran over an ant? HOW COULD YOUUUUUUU?!! Yeh, it’s not pretty.

I’m feeling mostly good – a little tired, but no big deal. No swelling so far as long as I take it pretty easy and don’t try to do a LOT of walking and standing. Which is totally not a problem

After the contractions, I realized I need to get on the ball and start finishing up (starting) some stuff because THIS BABY COULD BE HERE AT ANY POINT! Took wee baby clothes out of storage and hung them and realized that WOW, 2 KIDS IN ONE ROOM WITH ALL OF THEIR STUFF AND A WEE TEENINY CLOSET? SQUUUEEEZZEE! I printed the birth plan and have decided to ignore the advice I received on baking fresh cookies and cupcakes for the staff because:

1. I really don’t think they’d make it out of my kitchen.
2. If I were getting induced or having a schedule C-section…maybe. But, I have a feeling this little kidling isn’t going to give me much of a heads up for a baking day. And, really…I’m pretty sure the staff would be far more pissed off if i brought in week old moldy cupcakes (no matter how beautifully decorated) than if I brought nothing at all.
3. Did I mention I’m pregnant and really LIKE (eating) cupcakes?
4. I highly doubt I’ll feel much like sifting flour and measuring butter between contractions.

Guess I could throw some Oreos on a plate and call it a day, but really…what kind of girl do you think I am?

UPDATE: The Strep B test that came back from last week…Negative.

35 weeks pregnant and….

116 pounds.
Baby is still head -down.  She’s doing all swell in there and according to the last ultrasound (today) she’s growing nicely although for the life of me, I can’t remember how big she was.  Is.  Whatever.  It was normal range, so I forgot and my dear husband pretends he never heard.
She has not, however, dropped yet.  Turd.
The amniotic fluid is a tad low – it’s supposed to be between 10 and 20 and it’s 11.  So, it’s still “normal range” but kinda pushing it’s luck.  Not that that should surprise you, it IS my body after all.  We follow no rules.  Well…kind of.

In other news, well…actually just the rest of the OB visit and random notes…
We did the Group B Strep Test and the results of that should be in soon…
And, then they did another swabbing, because I obviously just couldn’t get enough of the fun-ness and turns out, I am NOT continuously leaking amniotic fluid.  Which is good news, in case you were wondering.  I had spotted some “mysterious ” looking fluid that was all cloudy and swirly and not really pee one morning, but apparently that’s not what it is.  So, I guess I just pee magic fog occasionally now.  Which is cool.  Maybe it’ll do tricks?  I don’t know.  (Or maybe it was amniotic fluid and it’s just not leaking any more.  Or, maybe it’s just magic.)

I’m supposed to go back next week.  Every week, actually, til this kidling is born.  We’re in the home stretch.  Woo.

Oh yeh, I almost forgot to mention that my ankles still look like ankles and I’m quite proud.  It may or may not have much to do with the fact that I’ve been keeping my feet up mostly anyhow because it’s uncomfortable to sit any other way and if I sit straight up, it hurts my insides and baby A gets really ticked off.  I also almost forgot that for the most part I’ve done REALLY good with only occasionally having indigestion, but it is pretty much remedied by laying down – meaning I’m only getting it because the child is smooshing stuff.  Um…and sometimes it feels like I am laying ON her.  Especially when I lay on my left side.  So, I always get scared I’m laying on her arm or brain and cutting off circulation and while part of me wants to say it serves you right, the rest of me feels like a bad mom so I just turn over.  I’m such a pushover.

Oh, and then there’s the occasional body aches and the out of breath-ness from NOTHING except the child messing with my innards.  So, there’s that.  All normal and jazz.

In OTHER news,
I’ve hinted around about a meeting and such today and possible changes and such and well…

It didn’t quite turn out the way we were kind of hoping.  I mean, it did…but it didn’t.  We never really got our hopes up and we’re trying to be open to whatever it is that’s supposed to happen…but still…it could’ve been the “answer” – but it wasn’t.  And, for that I’m a bit disappointed – but also relieved since it’d mean a whole new set of circumstances I haven’t yet come to terms with.  But, it also means we still have no answer for how this will turn out or which path to take.

It means that for now, we’ll be looking for homes for our kitty cats so we can move at the drop of a hat.  It means that for now, we still aren’t sure whether we’ll see our tomato and corn grow and be able to harvest the work of our hands.  For now, we don’t know if our future plans will involve relearning to integrate ourselves in an entirely new community away from our support network – our friends and family.

And so…we continue to walk by faith.  Blindly.

It’s been ten days since my husband lost his job.

Ten days isn’t that long – but, it kind of is.  It really is when you live in a one-income household that was pinching pennies to begin with.  It really is when you had no backups.  It really is when there isn’t a “nest egg” of savings to back up on.  It really is when there aren’t many people hiring.  It really is.

I won’t even pretend to be brave or to have it all together – because while it’s true that I have some good “moments” where I’m all trusting in bigger plans, I have an equal amount of moments where I’m under the realization that those “bigger plans” could indeed include us going through some extra “hardships” for whatever reasons.  I feel like I’m on this horrid broken roller coaster.  Blind-folded.  The ride is bumpy and at any moment I may fly off the track.

For those of you who know me, you know I prefer to remain mostly transparent.  I like to put it all out there (or most of it) for the simple fact that if I keep too busy pretending everything is okay, pretending to live some other life as some other person, then you’ll never know me and I can never change for the better.  If I refuse who I really am and the path that I am on, I will leave no room for God to truly work in my life for a change because I’ll be too busy pretending.  So, I won’t pretend.

I’m scared.  I’m terrified.  I’m hopeful.  All together.  So many emotions lumped into one big mess of me.

DH has sent off resume after resume, called old friends and current ones, followed leads, and worked on small projects…  and still, nothing yet.

We’ve made a list of all of our bills, hoping there was SOMETHING we could cut out.  An extra.  But, we’d already cut all of the extras out, save for $15 a month for extra capabilities for his phone.  No home phone.  No tv.  No magazines or mail order subscriptions.  No memberships.  The only things we could really cut out next would be cell phones and something as trivial as say, electricity!

And, then we got a letter from our mortgage company.  I had called the DAY he was fired, trying to find out if they had any special plans for hardship and the woman basically told me that we were still in good standing and not late on any payments and once we began getting unemployment checks, they’d want proof of those.  Then, she said, they’d expect us to pay basically the whole check towards (up to the amount we owed) on the house payment.  Which was all of ZERO helpful as we’ll still require food and electricity and water and such.

The letter, however, stated that we were DELINQUENT in our account.  I, of course, begin sweating as I’m the list-maker, the girl who freaks out when her bills are late and now they’re sending me letters saying I have a week to contact them before they want to FORECLOSE!?  So, of course I call and the woman informs me that we are TWENTY FOUR days past due on our bill.  Except we paid 2 days ago online AND he’s only been fired for TEN days and ten days ago we weren’t even behind on a payment so how are we NOW?  She didn’t know the answers to any of that and seemed satisfied with the confirmation number of the payment we gave her.  She suggested we file for hardship, which would take another 30 days.

She also wanted to know why the hell I wasn’t working and finding a job.  “Um, because she’s VERY pregnant and almost due and watches our kid,” my husband offered.  “So, when is she going back to work?”  The woman questioned.  “SHE’s LIKE GOING TO HAVE THIS BABY IN A FEW WEEKS, LADY.  NO.  WORK.”

Which brings up a whole other slew of emotions and fears – like having to move at the drop of a hat to a place I don’t know and having to give birth in a strange city without my support network.  And, what if he can’t get home in time?  I could be alone.  I finally found a doula, and I made a pretty little birth plan with beautiful graphic detail and you’re telling me it’s all possibly going to hell (excuse me)?!

I’m so sick and tired of hearing how it’s going to be all right.  I want to stubbornly look those people in the eye and tell them that I’m ALLOWED to freak the heck out.  I’m pregnant.  I’m scared.  I feel helpless because all I can do is stand over my husband and ask him what he’s doing 80 times a day (which is so not helpful).  I REALIZE that I’m not going to die and that even if I lose my house and credit and all of the things we worked for and have to relocate…at least I still have my family.  And, I’m thankful, I am.  But I’m scared, nonetheless.  I REALIZE that there is an ultimate plan, but I can’t get rid of the thought that just because God wanted us somewhere else, it doesn’t mean we’re necessarily “moving up” (in our opinion) at this time.  Maybe God WANTS to scare the shit out of us?  Maybe He wants to test our faith (consider it tested)?  Maybe His plan is not that we find a better job, maybe it’s that we WON’T.

I want real advice, real helpfulness.  I want to know people are there for us.  I’m tired of the pats on the shoulder about how it’s all going to be okay – because are you willing to GUARANTEE that?  Are you going to do something to make it all okay? – and then the instant lead in conversations about how THEIR money is oh-so tight and how their lofty jobs just don’t support their ludicrous spending habits.  Seriously, I don’t want to hear about it.  Not right now.  You should probably take THAT conversation to someone else.

Okay.  Freak out over.  For now.

(PS – We don’t have health insurance through his previous employer, THANK GOD.  Otherwise, I think I would have offered his ex-boss more than murderous glances.  So, as long as we can meet the payments on that, we can keep it.)

(PSS – I really have no intention of murdering anyone.  Not today, anyhow.)

PSSS – Sorry I’m a mess. )

Besides having crazy weird dreams and now weighing 117 lbs (I gained 4 lbs in 2 weeks?!), pretty much everything still feels the same.  Same dry skin as 2 weeks ago (but not nearly as bad as 1st and 2nd trimester) – this is just normal dry skin – not the flesh eating sort that makes you want to just rip your skin off.  My entire body is slowly just plumping up, and if I were a cow I’d be worried.  Basically, I’m feeling really good this past week.  Today, I actually had a burst of energy and was able to clean up and vacuum L’s room and put together her toddler bed (yippee!  I can now mark THAT off the list), bake 2 loaves of bread – one whole wheat and one whole wheat banana bread), and wash a load of clothes.  So, those things are finished and I feel rather accomplished, thankyouverymuch.

A friend of mine hooked me up with a HUGE stack of birth books to read so I’ve been quite busy with those.  I know the technicalities of it all, as I’ve been here before, but I love reading the different approaches and mindsets for birth.  I’ve read some very hippy books as well as some not-so hippy books.  I’ve read books that suggest you moo like a cow during labor (which I totally plan to do, by the way) and others that focus on hypnobirthing (something I may use PART of to help me in certain stages of my labor).

My favorites so far are definitely:

Ina May’s book

The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, P.T.

Birthing From Within by Pam England and Rob Horowitz

Basically, Ina May is just really cool and would possibly make me consider heading to her “farm” to have this baby…except not.  But, the idea was entertained in my head, and that means something.  (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Ina May is a midwife and she has this “Farm” where women can come and give birth in close proximity to doctors and such, but they stay in these cabins and go for completely natural.)  The Birth Partner is supposed to be for Steven to read, but I’m basically reading it and then giving him the cliff notes.  Right now, I’m loving that it’s one of the few books I’ve found that actually TELLS you how to deliver a baby in an emergency setting.  Not something I want to have to know, necessarily, but would be really cool to print out the info to have in the car and house…on hand.  It also has all sorts of other information, although some of it is a little bit dated (but not too bad).  The third book, Birthing From Within combines art and creativity with preparing for labor so I obviously LOVE this one.  One of the authors actually teaches her own classes (which this book is based off of) and I think it’d be super great to be able to attend those.

Anyways, those are 3 that I’d completely recommend – regardless of what TYPE of birth you are going for…whether you want a completely sterile hospital birth or you want to go all crunchy granola and do it at home.  Good stuff.

Hello!  Well, I was told that I should probably have a birth plan and, to be honest I did: Have a baby.  But, the greater forces that be didn’t think that was good enough, so I logged on to a website that basically made one for me.  I threw that one away.  It was like 4 pages long and didn’t even have pictures or diagrams or anything.  So, I decided to make my own.

I know you already know my name and basic sexual history from my chart and all, but I heard that you should really make friends with the nurses – and, I just want you to know that I’m totally down with that.  Usually, I don’t really let my friends touch me in all the places you’re about to, but I understand.  I would like to request, though, that you at least chat me up a little beforehand, you know – so it doesn’t feel so cold and all.  Bonus points if you make funny kissy faces at me.

Also, I’d really appreciate it if maybe the student nurses could stay away from my va-jay-jay.  It’s not that I don’t want to be their friend, I just don’t want to feel like I should be selling theme park tickets.  You understand, right?

I realize all births are different, and therefore all moms probably have their own brand of crazy coming in, so I had a few things I thought we should discuss (if you have a really short attention span, please skip to page 3):

-  Please ask me before you go doing anything up in my hoo-ha.  I have this weird reflex of kicking and wouldn’t want to kick your head.  So, if you’re wanting to do something like strip my membranes, make sure I’m cool with it.  Thanks in advance.

-  If my water breaks before labor, I want to wait a while before being induced.  Like, 12 hours.  I promise I won’t take a bath or sit in any mud puddles in between.

-  Since I’m basically going to be displaying my goods all over the place, I’d really like some mood music and lighting.  Barry Mantilow is cool and all but I’m kind of thinking more along the lines of oceans and such.  And, I don’t want to set your alarms off, so I guess I can pass on the candlelight, but do you think we could maybe dim the lights a little?  I’ll bring the music if you’ll dim the lights *wink wink*

-  Can I please have two hospital gowns?  I’m thinking I might want to get up and try some different positions and I realize I probably won’t care THEN, but come on.  Help a girl out.

-  Can you please just ignore me if you see me take a swig of water?  I realize I can’t have buckets, but this is some hard work.  Ice chips just lose their cool factor after a while.

-  I know I’ll have to have an IV or a port or something, but for the most part I think it might be cool to be able to move should I feel the need.  It’s highly probable that I won’t feel the need, but I like to keep my options open.

-  I’ve decided that I don’t want an epidural.  The problem is I might change my mind.  Don’t listen to me.  Even if I plead or tell you I’m dying.  I really don’t want one, so just tell me they’re out or that someone ran over the anesthesiologist.

-  Since I’m not having an epidural, I might do some really weird things.  You know, like moo or cross my eyes and zone out.  I might even hop up like Elvis, grab my crotch and sing, I’m really not sure.  I’ve been reading some really hippy/crunchy books and who knows which set of advice I take.  You are more than welcome to moo with me, by the way.  Or, just moo at me.  I’ll think you’re hilarious and will probably bring you cookies when I come back.

-  I’m thinking I’d really like a mirror.  You know, so I can apply my chapstick and then make sure I’m pushing right and stuff.  It helped last time.

-  As far as episiotomies go, no thanks.  Unless of course, it’s a medical emergency…but still, ask before you do it, okay?

-  If my husband leaves with a limp or a black eye, he most likely just ran into the door or something.  Just ignore it.  It’s cool.

-  After my baby is born, I’d really appreciate it if you could not whisk her away but could maybe do all of the suctioning and wiping down while she’s laying on me?  And then I want to breastfeed before all of the “routine” stuff starts getting underway.

-  My husband wants to cut the cord, but if he gets all pansy-like, that is up for grabs.  My mom will probably bare her teeth and nails if you don’t let her do it though.  Just sayin’.   I’d also really appreciate it if you could wait until the cord stops pulsing to cut it.

-  Speaking of pansy-ing out – If my husband should get all dramatic and go unconscious, just gently move him over with the toe of your shoe.  Try not to kick him, or anything but DOOD, this is my day.  He can get his own nurses, or wait his turn.

-  Once my baby is born, please hold off any of the crazy family members that somehow used their ESP powers to find out I was there.  I’d really like to bond with her and my husband and establish breastfeeding before we take on any visitors.  If you need to, you have my permission to send them to the neurosurgery or general surgery waiting rooms.  At least it’ll buy me a little bit of time – plus it’d be kind of funny (obviously moreso for me, not them).

-  Since I’m breastfeeding, can you please not give my baby any sort of pacifiers or artificial nipples or formula?  I know you probably wouldn’t, but I just wanted to be sure in case when you talk to me next I’m all mumbly and you can’t quite decipher what I just said.

-  I’d love to give my daughter her first bath, by the way.  I brought some baby stuff, so please let me know if you guys are down with that.

-  I’m okay with the Vitamin K shot, eye goo, and PKU prick, but can we do that after the initial breastfeeding, please?

To RECAP:

Things might get a little weird.  Mooing, Elvis crotch grabbing, and the like.  (Confused?  You should’ve read the whole thing.)

No episiotomies

Please wait until the cord stops pulsing before it’s cut

No students touching me

Please ask before you do anything that will affect me or my baby.  You can do whatever you want to my husband.

I plan to breastfeed, so please no formula, nipples other than my own (artificial or not), or pacifiers