I sat there – mostly quiet and minimally defending myself as I listened to my character being attacked.  And, while I may possess MANY character flaws, the ones I was being charged with were not only untrue, but they were unfair and they stung deeply.

Perhaps it would have hurt less coming from a stranger, but as it were, it felt more like a Judas’ kiss.

I struggled to stay silent and in control of my tongue as hurtful words were flung in my direction.  Unfair words.  Untrue, half-story words.  Unloving words coated in hypocrisy.  –All from someone I trusted.  Can I tell you how much I just wanted to launch a counter-attack?  Oh, how I wanted to fling those words right back.  How I wanted to twist them into tiny sharp daggers and rip flesh, how I wanted to explain the hypocrisy of the whole thing and use my angry and hurtful words to bring JUSTICE!

Instead, I said little.  My silence was then mocked and considered as me flailing to defend myself, like I was too dumb to do even that.  Regardless of how it seemed, my reactions were carefully measured and restrained.

And, why?  Why not turn my tongue loose with every thought?  I had every right to, didn’t I?

I could feel God working on my heart that day.  I didn’t understand the intricacies of the lesson he was beginning in me, but I knew my mouth must be guarded.  I knew that part of my lesson was to picture the end goal of this conversation.  Would I use my words to harm or heal?  Did I want understanding or did I just want payback?  Was I willing to give up my “rights” to follow Jesus again and again?

That day, I left the conversation with no closure, no justice, and no human understanding.  For the rest of the week, my heart ached with hurt and my mind replayed how unfair the conversation had been and how much it’d hurt.  But then, God in His Glory revealed the rest of the lesson to me.

You see, one of the reasons it hurt so much for my friend to say the things they did was because I care deeply about what others think about me – especially the people I care about.  But, instead of relying on others as my mirror to see my reflection and worth, I am meant to only use God as my mirror.

While it is true that others often see us truer than we can see ourselves, it is also true that compared to God, their reflections of us would more resemble a circus fun-house mirror.

The truth is that God loves me and He knows my heart and all it holds.

And by the way, it’s true for you, too…

Welcome back!

Family Talk 2 is a conversation game – it has 100 cards, each with a thought-provoking question to inspire fun and thoughtful conversations with your family and friends.  To play, simply pick a card and ask the question!  This game is a great way to get a glimpse into the hearts and minds of those you care about!  What’s more is that it’s incredibly portable – so, take it on car trips or play it around the Christmas tree (or table!)  Either way, you’re sure to have a blast!

Retails at $9.99  / Ages: 3 & up /  2 + players

The Lumps Legend: Children around the world have been so good over the past few years; lumps of coal have built up at the North Pole. Puzzled by what to do with the excess coal; Santa’s elves decided to create an exciting new game that uses lumps of coal of all shapes and sizes. The game is so much fun, good little boys and girls, for the first time ever, are excited to get lumps of coal in their stocking!

Lumps, the Elf Coal Game is a family-friendly dice game for ages 6 and up.  It can be played with one player or up to 100, making it a great game for anywhere!  It’s compact size and easy rules make it a great game for all ages!

WANT TO WIN THEM?

One lucky reader will win both of these games! To enter, simply follow them on twitter (#ContinuumGames) of “like” them on Facebook.  (Then, come back here and let me know which you did in the comments!)  Contest ends December 16, 2011 at noon CST.

And, for ALL of our bosssanders.com readers, they are offering 15% off purchases made on their website – just use the code: funforallages

Disclaimer:  I received these games as part of a review.  Like always, my thoughts and opinions are my own and are not swayed in any way.

Original Sprout -

Original Sprout has become one of our family’s favorite body care brands.  The makers of Original Sprout products not only make products that smell and feel good, but that are also safe for our babies and children.  They do not use any natural or synthetic ingredients linked with estrogen & hormone disruption, cancer & autism such as: Phthalates, Dioxanes 1, 4, Sulfates, Parabens, Formaldehyde, Propylene Glycol, Dipropylene Glycol, Acetaldehydes, Styrene, Toluene, Glycol Ethers, Ethylene Oxide, Musk, Lavender or Tea Tree Oils, Clove, Soy, Nonylphenol, Mineral or Petroleum Oils, Triclosan, Eurethane, 1-2 Propylene Oxide, Placenta, Synthetic Colors & Titanium Dioxide or Nanoparticles.

Their regulated, European Directive Compliant products are:

• Are made by a master stylist and mother, so they are safe and natural, but perform as good or better than high-end salon brands.

• Free of phthalates, phytoestrogens, soy, gluten, animal products, parabens, and propylene glycol with no added dioxanes or formaldehydes.

• Free of skin penetrators & photosensitizers (plasticizers & nanoparticles).

• Extracts are certified organic. The majority of ingredients are plant derived & from natural sources.

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• Fragrances are made with naturally derived ingredients & are certified FREE of phthalates, lavender, tea tree, PG, DPG, parabens, dioxanes, benzenes, formaldehydes, acetaldehydes, styrene, toluene, chlorobenzene & glycol ethers.

• Products are vegetarian/vegan & biodegradable.

To read more, go here.

The Natural Shampoo, Scrumptious Baby Cream, and Miracle Detangler are three of my favorite Original Sprout products.

The Natural Shampoo gently cleanses as it moisturizes hair.  I love that it can be used on the whole family (including me!)  It’s subtle scent is lovely but not overwhelming, so your sweet babies still smell like sweet babies and not heavily perfumed or obnoxious.

The Scrumptious Baby Cream – OH!  The Scrumptious Baby Cream!  I think the name itself says it all!  The scent is light and fresh and leaves baby (or your) skin feeling and smelling scrumptious!  The cream is ultra-moisturizing, lightweight, and non-greasy!

The Miracle Detangler is one of my faves!  My oldest daughter (age 4) has thin hair that tangles easy.  Post-bath has been a battle since her hair has covered her ears – me trying to sort through the tangles and her dodging the brush!  But, with this detangler, her hair becomes manageable and soft.  Other detangling products (a popular brand) have been tried on her hair, but leave her hair limp and smelling like chemicals – UGH!  Original Sprout’s Miracle Detangler leaves her hair pretty and tangle-free, without the horrid chemical smell!  (And, it leaves me without the headache!)

And, guess what!?  Original Sprout is offering Bosssanders.com readers 10% off their first order by using this code: FIRST_ORDER_10-U at www.originalsprout.com!

Disclaimer:  I received these products as part of a review.  Like always, my thoughts and opinions are my own and are not swayed in any way.

He’s here, he’s here!  Sweet baby Aidan came at 39 weeks and we feel so very blessed!

I may get around to publishing his birth story on here later, but for now I’m enjoying snuggling my precious newborn and trying to pull my very excited little daughters off the walls.  Sleep has become a hot commodity.  I miss it. 

I’m relearning the dance of breastfeeding and wondering why nobody has made infant ponchos during these first few weeks as mother’s milk readjusts to something that doesn’t resemble a horizontal Old Faithful.  That, and boy diapers.  Oh. Boy.  First I was terrified to even touch and once I got over the need for ointment and gauze, I quickly learned the uncertainty that comes with each change (Will I need a change or clothes or won’t I?).  And today I had my first miss overall – Changing a dirty diaper only to have him begin “dirtying” a new one mid-change as I scrambled to catch it all before it hit the bed.  Then, my premature breath of relief as I reached for the wipes to clean him up and pee began spraying EVERYWHERE!

What I’ve learned:

1.  Use a changing pad
2.  Make mom change all of his diapers
2.  Use a “shield” and stop being so darn leisurely!

Also, I forget how much laundry comes with having a newborn AND breastfeeding.  Sheesh.

Did I mention I need sleep?

Blog posts may get quite interesting over the next month or so with this whole sleep deprivation thing.

Me at 37 weeks pregnant…

Apparently my immune system is shot.  I’ve become sort of a hermit these days and yet I’ve still managed to come down with “something.”  There’s a deep cough (productive), headache, body aches, exhaustion, and all that.  Granted, the cough could be causing the headaches (as well as a few random contractions), and pregnancy could ALSO explain the rest, so who knows.  Anyhow, my doc prescribed me a Z-Pak for good measures because really, this kinda stinks.

Last night, there was another *episode* as I’ve begun calling them.  The contractions that get increasingly harder and stay consistent for about 7 or 8 hours and end in me being sick to my stomach (in the both ways possible, sometimes at the very same time.  YAY.  Pregnancy is SO gorgeous!)

The contractions, paired with me feeling an overall feeling of YUCK made me wonder if this was indeed going to be IT.  But, then again, I wonder that EVERY time …and then I roll my eyes like my 4 year old does.

Obviously, last night wasn’t IT.  I’m still pregnant.  –Which is okay, I don’t really want to have the sore uterus and tummy (or a newborn) with this icky cough.  That, and my doula is going out of town.

In other news, (and this is just so exciting – haha) I lost my (or at least part of) mucus plug!  See, fun, RIGHT?  Riiiggghhhttt?   I know, I should’ve taken pictures or drawn a smiley face, but hey…it’s always in retrospect, right?  Anyhow, I was fascinated with it because a) it wasn’t like the books described it and b) I never saw anything with either girl.  (If you are squeamish, THIS is where you skip to the next paragraph.  Actually, if you’re squeamish, you may want to stop reading my blog.  Sorry.)  And here is where I describe it because the books didn’t do such a good job…  clear and small and gummy/rubbery.  It actually wasn’t gross.  Had I found it on the floor, I would’ve thought it was one of those little adhesive gummy thingies they use to stick stuff in magazines and mailings…  it was almost just like that.  I googled what they look like after that, though and found a few pictures, although apparently it can look like a variety of things.  Except for a lion.  If something resembling a lion comes out, you have something else going on.  Just saying.

During my check up, today, we also saw that the little guy has LOTS of hair supposedly.  I’m used to bald babies, so I didn’t even think to put hair gel on the baby registry, but turns out, we might need some.  Guess what else!  He also is BREECH again!  Grrr ARGH!  Breech and facing my back at 37.5 (ish) weeks.  Awesome, no?  No.  Not really.  In good news, he did pass the “sniffing” test (it’s what the nicknamed part of a test they do via u/s where they watch him to see if he’s making the movements for breathing…and he was!)

Lots of pressure when I walk, exhausted, lots of peeing and … you know, normal pregnancy stuff.

NEW HAZAARDS:

Doing laundry (washing) in my upright washer (Bending over the top is quite uncomfortable and may result in falling in)
Peeing in the pee sample cups at the doctors’ office.  It’s more of a position-and-guess game.  You just HOPE it doesn’t end up all over your hands.  They need the bowls to collect the pee.
Shaving.  A little dangerous.  My balance is off and I can’t even see my feet.  I’m not saying I shave my feet, but I clearly can’t see anything else below my belly…

A few days ago, my facebook lit up with status updates mocking Kim Kardashian’s marriage…or, end of as the case may be.  To be honest, I had to google to see what the buzz was about – I purposely don’t keep up with celebrities and their lives so much.  Trust me when I say that I GET just as well as anyone how much sacrifice (and rewarding) a marriage takes (and is), but COME ON… at what point do we see all marriages as holy and is there some time-frame that they must pass in order to not be seen as a joke to others?

Today, apparently one of the top “news” items is the addition of the Duggars’ new baby (number 20).  I will admit that I’m in awe of how they do it.  I’m pregnant with my third baby and swear I could have an anxiety attack at any moment just from the stress on my body and just taking care of me and two kids.  But, today I actually saw a post that called the Duggars selfish for having another child.  Really?  Selfish?  Parenting is one of the LEAST selfish things a person can do.  What about laying down your personal wants and needs for that of someone else is SELFISH?

Second, if the Duggars want to have 20 children (or 40, for that matter) and aren’t cloning or abusing or whatever… what business is it of anyone else?  I mean, really… what are you, the uterus police?  Just because some folks actually want more than 2.5 children and are willing to do so, it doesn’t mean anyone else has the right to judge.  Do you think you have a right to weigh in on others’ fertility decisions – whether a family wants 4 kids or 24?  SHEESH!

That’s not the end of my thoughts, but I can stop there   Stepping off my soap box for now.

My thoughts swirl around these days.  Or, at least today.  I can’t honestly tell you how my thoughts went yesterday.  They are THAT swirly.

• Lala comes up and looks at a page I colored in her coloring book and says, “Wow! That looks great, mommy! “. Before I can thank her, she says, ” but in a minute, I’m gonna do it even better.”.   <–If she wasn’t 4, I’d say she’s being arrogant.  But, she IS 4 and she really was giving me a compliment.  She makes me laugh.
• Another quote from Lala (she asked her sister this when she was trying to figure out which activity would be next):  “Would you like to play toss the dog or chase the goat?”
• I’m thankful for the bills I have to pay (and being able to pay them)… it means I have running water, heat during cold months, and lights. I’m thankful for my girls’ smiles…but also for their tears…because it means they CAN cry. I’m thankful for crappy internet connections because even though it means that I may only get spotty conversation with my husband MAYBE once a week, it’s still more than if we were relying on mail alone. I’m thankful to have the opportunity to miss my husband – it means I have a great father for my children, a husband who I love enough to miss, and a marriage that has been through hell and back (commitment). I’m thankful for days like these, where staying in bed seems like the best option, because in the end it means I’ll be better for it and I’ll be able to love and relate to others more deeply.
• I’m so very thankful for the family and friends who have been helping me feed my little family during this time.
• If you ask how I’m doing “in passing” (like at Walmart or on Facebook or in front of a crowd), my answer is usually the standard “we’re okay,” “fine,” or “good.”  If you want to REALLY know how I’m doing or how my week was, ask me privately.
• I don’t really understand what people mean when they ask if I’ve talked to my husband.  Have I talked to him in 6 months?  Yes.  Or, do you mean to ask if we’ve talked today?  And, does “talk” include a text from facebook or do you mean “talk” as in a 2 hour skype session?  The answer to the last one is no… never.
• I am both terrified and excited at how soon this baby is coming.  On one hand, I feel awful physically from the contractions and I would really like to hold my baby.  On the other, it also means that our son will be here for longer before he gets to meet his father.  It also means I’ll have 3 children here without my husband.  I’m ALREADY exhausted…what am I supposed to do then?
• Being accused unfairly of something sucks.
• I am a big ball of emotions – overwhelmed by gratitude but also, sadness…all at once.  I thought it wasn’t possible to have both…but apparently it is when you’re pregnant.
• Speaking of “balls,” it looks like I’m hiding one under my shirt.
• I’m exhausted.  I think I’m coming down with something…again.  Then again, maybe I’m just pregnant and run-down.
• “Gentle Baby” by Young Living (essential oil) makes me feel like a cat around catnip.  Seriously.  I was never crazy about the smell til a few months ago, and now it’s like some drug.  I just want to pour it all over.  It’s really weird, actually.
• It feels really nice to be able to actually buy Christmas gifts for our kids this year.  Our budget is small compared to most, but we have one.  I’m excited not to have to worry about trying to make everything (as much as I love creating, I just have NO ENERGY…and after several years of doing it, I feel like I’m cheating them).
• I’m excited that most of the gifts (except maybe a couple of stocking stuffers) have been ordered and are on their way – AND were found through some great sales and free shipping!
• I’m a little bummed that I’ve had to miss out on all of these fun holiday parties so far… because of the contractions and how I’ve felt, we’ve mostly cleared our calendar (including the kids’ activities).  I’m glad for the rest but feeling a little stir-crazy sometimes too.
• I LOVE LOVE LOVE the pregnancy photographs my friend did for us so we could capture the “happier” part of pregnancy.  With the deployment, pregnancy complications, and other things… I didn’t want to remember just the bad that came.  I wanted to remember the good parts and I wanted to share it with my husband who missed most of it.  I’m so grateful to her and love her fabulous work.

Meet Aidan…

He’s not due for another few weeks, but apparently I have an angry uterus.  –Not to be confused with “irritable uterus.”  Still having bouts of contractions that can be pretty hard core and laborish (one stint lasted a whole 24 hours.  Mostly they just last 7 or 8).  As I’ve stated before…these are more than Braxton Hicks but haven’t produced a baby…so, I don’t really know what to call them any more.  They suck and hurt, though…so, I’m not a fan.

In other news, we had an ultrasound this week, and Aidan’s lungs need a little more time.  He’s not really doing whatever it is he’s supposed to be doing (something about “sniffing” as they call it), so my doctor doesn’t want me to go in labor now (meaning she’d most likely stop my contractions with more shots if I came in while they were consistent.)

Next week, she wants to check again to see where he’s at via ultrasound.

I have my “labor bag” mostly packed and ready to go (with the exception of my laptop, makeup/facewash, and clothes for me to go home in).  I also wrote a short “birth plan” which is much simpler and includes bulleted points – It mostly just lists my allergies and a few things I want the staff to be aware of (medical conditions and what I don’t/do want…like, NO C SECTION if at all possible).

There aren’t a whole lot of updates this week…

I have no clue what I weigh since I’ve not kept up with it this pregnancy.  No “new” things…just these pesky contractions that leave me sick and feeling really tired.

Now, I just need to put his car seat in the car (unbuckled) just. in. case.

After that, I’m probably as “ready” and “prepared” as I’ll ever be.  Ha!

For the past several weeks, I’ve been having contractions.  However, unlike “normal” contractions, I’ve had a really tough time fitting them into either “Real” or “Braxton Hicks” contraction label.

Braxton Hicks (according to most websites) should be pretty irregular, inconsistent, not painful, and go away with changing of activity (i.e., lying down, drinking water, etc.)

Real Contractions become consistent, regular, painful, do not go away with change in activity, and change your cervix.

My contractions?  Are everything I just listed under “real contractions” except the cervix part.  They get down to 2 minutes apart, sometimes get a little harder, don’t go away regardless of how still I lay, how much water I drink, etc.  They make me “gasp.”  They come with lower back pain.  And, they’re consistent and generally last 8-10 hours.  And, then I get sick (diarrhea/vomiting bout EVERY TIME…which is how it happened with Aurora when I actually went into labor… but, not all of this “weeks beforehand stuff”).

I’m a little befuddled.

Sunday evening, I was so proud.  I’d been resting and keeping my feet up and all of that and just went out for a couple of hours.  After those 2 short hours, the contractions had began.  Two hours later, the contractions were slightly harder and 2 minutes apart – ISH (I stink at timing them).  I decided to go home (I ate at my mom’s house) and just rest and sleep through them.  I figured that at almost 35 weeks pregnant, either the baby would come or he wouldn’t and I’d know soon enough if he was.  Sleep came but was fitful and uncomfortable and ended abruptly with me shooting out of bed and racing to the bathroom to vomit…and diarrhea.  All at once.  It was AWESOME.

And no, it’s not a bug.

I had contractions through that mess too and finally decided that at 2:00 am, I would go to the hospital.  So, I called mom to watch the girls and drove up.

Long story, short – two terbutaline shots and many hours later, the contractions FINALLY dwindled down.  (They came back after the first and were barely there after the second).

I asked the nurse if I’d have to make a habit of getting these shots until my due date and she said they should keep the contractions away for a couple of weeks (?)… but, here I am… having contractions…these, a little more intense than yesterday’s.  Barely.

And, since it seems like the nurse might’ve been talking out of her you-know-what, I’ve decided to come up with a classifying system for contractions since “braxton hicks” and “real” just aren’t the right labels for me apparently.

Wimpy Contractions – these are irregular and inconsistent and you barely feel them.  As in, it could’ve actually been the baby high-fiving my uterus…

Angry Uterus Contractions – the regular contractions that are still barely there… last only for a couple of hours… most often comes after bumpy rides and gloved exams.

Oh, Gasp! Contractions – Regular, consistent, and yet they take your breath away every time.  More uncomfortable than they are painful.  You are able to drive a vehicle with these, but may not be able to concentrate on a story line of a book (Unless you are my friend, “Laverle”…who could probably read dangling from a tightrope upside down.)

Kicked In the Hoo-Ha Contractions – In my experience, these are what I experience as the next level after the OGCs.  It’s like the OGCs but feels like someone is kicking you… and you can feel it in your cervix-area a little.

Miss That Bump Or Die Contractions – These came for me after the KITHHCs.  It’s basically the last two combined plus a little more intense.  You can still walk and talk, but they make you a little breathless and you feel every bump in the road during these.  Driving may start getting a little dangerous during these…especially as they start moving to the next level.

Pull Over Contractions – They’re getting even more intense and still consistent and regular.  You can walk and talk…til you have the contraction, and then you feel the urge to grab something and hold on.  You can still stand and your legs will still walk afterward.  Just, during… you might have trouble catching your breath.  I wouldn’t advise driving during these.  Heck, I’m not sure I’d advise driving someone ELSE with these.

Wish You Were Dead Contractions – like the POCs… except you don’t feel like walking any more and this all went from exciting to angry stares in everyone’s directions.  Definitely not safe to drive.  Probably shouldn’t hold hard objects that can be thrown as well…

Wish I Were Dead Contractions – I think these are often called “transition” contractions.  It’s where you get to the “I can’t do this!” part and you probably start saying it enough with enough emotion that some people around you might start believing you too.  If you’re driving at this point, these will probably be your last contractions… so, seriously…pull the heck over, dummy.

…and those are the only ones I remember.  In a few weeks, I can probably tweak this list.  And, although I am undoubtedly one of the smartest people EVER… your doctor probably won’t know what you’re talking about if you mention these (which should show you how much smarter I am.  Clearly).

…Also, none of this is medical advice.  Well, not technically.

Cravings: Yogurt from this new yogurt-place in town.  And… Cracker Barrel’s Chicken and Rice (you can only get it on Saturdays) with biscuits, sweet carrots, and turnip greens.  Yum.

Movement: He moves a lot!

Symptoms: – Still having the normal “heartburn” – so, no mexican or chinese for me.  But, that’s okay.

CONTRACTIONS.  When they come, it’s usually because I’ve been up doing things…anything.  And, when they come, they are the “gasp” worthy kind.  But, it’s the “oh my” gasp, not the I WILL KILL YOU gasps because you feel every bump in the road and need to pull the car over every time one hits.  Have gotten down to 2 minutes apart and regular.  Water and lying down do nothing to stop them.  They last for HOURS and are uncomfortable, usually accompanied by back pain or period like cramps.  This is EXACTLY how my labor with Rora began except…it didn’t happen over a few weeks.  Thankfully.

What I miss: my husband.  Back and foot rubs.

Clothing: I have a few outfits to wear and for the rest of the days, I wear big tshirts…because it’d be dumb to spend lots of money of clothes I’ll only wear around my sweet banana smearing children.

New Thing I Learned This Week: Having a cold/flu virus (last week) while pregnant is not fun.  Even less fun when the kids have it too!

Best Moment This Week: Getting un-sick.

What I Couldn’t Live Without: Tissue.  And… the family and friends who helped out this past week and while I was in the hospital Monday.  <3