Dear You

by bosssanders on April 21, 2012 with 2 comments

(This post is geared at NO-ONE in particular, and yet to EVERYONE whom it applies.)

Dear You in the corner with your snide remarks about my parenting philosophies…

You, who balked when you found out I don’t vaccinate my children and mouthed off words like “pack immunity” and “putting her children in danger…”

You, who made fun of me when I was insistent that there be no smoking around myself or my children…

You, who laughed when I said no chocolate/soda, and tried to give it to them anyways…

You, who think I’m ridiculous for trying to buy mostly organic and cut out additives, excess sugar, dyes, and other unhealthy things from my children’s diet…

I don’t owe you a thing, much less an explanation, but I want to be very clear…


They are not YOURS.  God entrusted them to my husband and I and we have promised to do everything in our power to keep them safe and healthy.  I don’t judge everyone who has different parenting philosophies; we are all just doing the best we know how (most of us, anyhow).

I have been very diligent with my research and I refuse to ignore the statistics and findings.  I do not make decisions lightly and I definitely am not one to jump on fads just because they seem “cool.”  I seek information and as information changes, I reserve the right to change my opinions and views.  Unfortunately, I am not my own research team, so I can not provide myself with all of the answers I want.  I do the best I can with what I have.

The choices we make regarding our children are not easy.  Lazy people do not dedicate hours to researching and checking the resources for said research.  Lazy people do not seek ways to contribute to the income in order to help make these changes.  Lazy people do not try to find creative ways to not disrupt their family and to still implement said changes.

For me, this IS a big deal.

I don’t think it’s funny when others make snide remarks.  I don’t think it’s funny when people know where I stand and still hand my child a candy bag larger than their head.  Or, when I specifically say NO CANDY and they reach right past me to give my child … candy.

I am not a mean mom.  I do not hate my children.

I love my children.  I love my children so much that I have made countless sacrifices to do what’s best… FOR THEM.

My children are in no way neglected and they are not losing out.  They DO get occasional “treats” – but those need to come from ME.  Not you.  At least, not unless you asked me first.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “Well, we did this and my kids are fine…” or “Well, my parents did this, and I turned out okay!”


I mean, seriously, what do you want me to say?  People drive like idiots in cars all day long and some don’t get in wrecks.  Some do.

My point is this…


I don’t judge you.  I really really don’t.  Whether your kids are little or grown up, I don’t judge what you do or did as a parent.

I mean, really… I don’t have the time or energy to even judge you or figure out what’s right for your family!!  I’m just trying to do what’s right for mine.

It’d be nice if as parents, we could SUPPORT each other instead of tear each other down.

Thankfully, I don’t personally know any people who think, “I’m going to have kids so I can do my best to SCREW them up!!”    We are all doing the best we can with what we have and what we know.

But, for those of you who can’t support my husband and I… for those of you who want to make snide remarks and do things behind my back (or in front of my face) that go completely against what you know I believe…

Then, you probably don’t really need to be a part of our lives.

There, I said it.

I want people who will respect us.  Our decisions.  Our well-being.  Not by your definition, but by ours.  I don’t need people who all agree and think just like me…I don’t need approval on how to raise my children…I just need respect and understanding.



PS – Thanks to all of the people who have chosen to respect and honor our decisions.

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filed under Health, Parenting


  • Claire in CA, USA

    Ashley, I made the same kind of choices you are making for your kids, and got lots of interesting “feedback” from people who I didn’t ask. I also got (and still do, occasionally) get “feedback” from doctors who say my kids should be vaccinated (they are 16 and almost 18.) You know what? I learned to not let their opinions rattle me (even the doctors.) You can’t control what people do. I would be saying LOUDLY AND CLEARLY that my kids aren’t allowed to have candy unless it is given to me to give to them. If they still disrespect your choices, it is time to let them go (and I know that’s what you said in your post, so good for you.)

    YOUR attitude has a lot to do with what others feel they can get away with. You don’t want to be a snot, but you want to be assertive. I never allowed anyone to get farther than a brief comment. I would shut them down with “These are our children and this is how we have chosen to proceed,” (or something like that.)

    God bless you, Ashley. I do understand your plight. :)

  • bosssanders

    Claire, sometimes it’s so nice to know I’m not so alone in this! Most days I know what I know and I’m okay with it. But, occasionally I think about the easier route and wonder if I really am doing the right thing. Thanks for reminding me of what really matters! XOXO Ash

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