I could, quite possibly, be a psychologist’s dream study.  My inner thoughts and functions are seemingly SO odd.  Well, they seem odd to me, but maybe everybody is like me and we all pretend not to be.

I’ve decided to stop trying to keep up with everyone else.  I can’t cook constant meals and constantly clean and reorganize, consistently going behind my yogurt and banana baby hands.  I can’t do those things and keep my kids educated so they’re “on top” and enrolled in 5 different weekly activities.

Okay, I could.  But, it’d be a battle.  I’m just not cut out for that.

My brain goes in cycles.  And, while it could very possibly be a vitamin deficiency, I think it’s just me and my shade of crazy.  Whatever that is.

My brain goes in cycles – primarily in these categories:

ART
CRAFTS/SEWING
READING
CREATIVE WRITING
ORGANIZING/CLEANING
EXPERIMENTAL COOKING

These cycles generally last from one week to 3 months.  There’s no order, no rhyme or reason.  And, when I’m in one cycle, it blocks the others out.  I RARELY want to create art AND write.  Except blogging, I almost always want to blog.  Unfortunately, last week I was in the Organize/Cleaning mode.  It lasted one week.  Steven was so excited, and then it was over as quickly as it began.  (Actually, to be fair, it was longer than one week.  It began before vacation for a week, then came back.)

And, as you could quite possibly tell by the scattered books covering almost every surface, I am now in the reading cycle.  I’ve already read a book on investing…and am choosing to look at the other fictional books as “research” for my writing.

In the past few weeks, I’ve read:

Return by Karen Kingsbury
Character Makeover by Katie Brazelton
The Girl Who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson
Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen
Rich Dad’s Guide to Investing
Savannah Blues by Mary Kay Andrews

(And now, Let Them Eat Cake by Sandra Byrd)

These reading cycles really feel like I’m getting NOTHING done, at least nothing helpful in a “normal person” sense.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still highly functioning   – I’m just spending all of my free time in imaginary worlds right now.  I guess that’s a good problem to have, right?  Anyhow, if you have a great book to recommend – fiction or not – let me know.  While I’m in this “cycle,” I might as well make good use of it.  Who knows where I’ll land next!

Welcome back!

I’ve decided I need a duplicate – or preferably, a better version of me.  If you think you’re qualified, please send me a private email.  Only perfect candidates apply, please.  I’m imperfect enough for the two of us.  :)

JOB TITLE: Mother, Mommy, Mom

JOB DESCRIPTION: Permanent position open for qualified individuals.  Must be a team player.  Candidate must be willing to work over-time and will be on-call with no advanced warning at no additional pay.  Must be organized, possess great organizational skills, and be energetic.  Occasional travel will be required.

DUTIES AND RESPONSIBILITIES:

• Management
  - Candidate must be able to manage multiple schedules, must be able to create a master-list of social events for the entire household.  Should be able to anticipate events regardless of memory lapses in husband and children.  Intense memory and psychic abilities preferred.
  - Manage children’s outward appearance – making sure tags are on the inside and no ketchup stains are visible.
  -Manage food preparation and schedule – including the anticipation of children who’s tastes changes in a matter of seconds with no warning given.  Must be able to provide food instantly or mother/mother-in-law/CPS will descend.

• Support
  - Support husband regardless of whether or not it’s his 5th Mid-Life Crisis this year…or if he’s only 26.

• Training
  - Train children in the rules of society with minimal damage.

• Janitorial Services
  - Clean toilets, bath tubs, sinks and all bathroom surfaces.  Repeatedly.  Possibly, daily.
  - Clean couches and upholstery, scraping off all cheesy or chocolate handprints.
  - Clean any fecal artwork from the crib or nearby walls.
  -Educate self and be able to clean “permanent” inks and paints from a variety of surfaces at a moment’s notice.
  - Clean entire house while entertaining children as they undo everything, keeping house presentable for the most unexpected visitors.
  -Effectively clean any mysterious spills or dumps – including but not limited to vomit, urine, feces and tadpoles in creek water.

• Medical Services
  - Provide magical kisses and instantly produce band-aids out of thin air to heal boo-boos
  - Responsible for knowing the intense medical information and be able to perform such things (CPR, Heimlich Maneuver, etc)
  - Assess accidents and medical emergencies with efficiency and calmness.
  -Evaluate children for possible broken bones or head injuries when they miscalculate their super-being abilities.
  -Evaluate fevers for attention needed and willingness to obtain said body temperatures by any means necessary.
  -Be proficient with obtaining rectal temperatures without help.  While child is screaming.  And biting.
  -Be able to tend to own wounds without crying when you find the missing glass from the back window in your foot.

• Food Services and Prep
  - Plan, buy, and prepare food menus according to the ever-changing tastes of all household subjects.
  - Psychically determine possible up-coming taste changes and efficiently modify menus and recipes.
  - Prepare healthy and delicious foods while entertaining and supervising children.
  - Prepare tasty and healthy foods with a limited budget and possibly, limited cookware or cook-space.
  - Be prepared to magically transform 4 servings into 8 servings at a moment’s notice for unexpected guests.
  - Create gourmet meals out of meager ingredients regardless of whether you need to go to the grocery or not.

• Transportation
  - Chaffeur children around town.
  - Possess ability to be in two or more places at once.

• Negotiations
  - Be skilled at making, manipulating, and avoiding all negotiations – especially from those smaller than you.

• Repairs
  - Plan for and be able to execute all un-forseen repairs – from teddy bear arms to a toilet that just swallowed your bracelet.
  - Be willing to learn to repair almost anything – or be willing to suffer without it while you wait for your husband to either do it or for him to call and hire someone else to do it.
  
  
• Education and Psychology
  - Teach, monitor, and study infants and young children in language development and usage.
  - Mentor teenagers, being someone they can look up to.
  - Counsel troubled teenagers and find triggers for all aggressive behavior:  You, apparently.
  - Erase imaginary monsters from troubled sleepy minds.

QUALIFICATIONS: No qualifications required.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT AND PROMOTION: This is a permanent, life-long position.  May possibly lead to GRANDPARENT.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION: Payment comes in the form of slobbery kisses, hugs, and a forever-altered body image.  The occasional “thank-you, mom” is possible, but rare.
BENEFITS: Great investment opportunities!  Rather than investing in small stocks or real estate, invest in people*!  Limitless opportunities for self-growth and patience-building exercises.

*Investing in people can be incredibly rewarding and can possibly result in the care of you in your elderly saggier version – choices include personal care by your children and enjoying paying them back for every dirty diaper you had to change or a room at private resort-like accommodations with meals included.

This post is my entry to Lovable Labels’ Contest.

2 minutes. 

That’s the amount of time I let the baby and toddler out of my sight so I could start a new load of laundry.

2 minutes.

That’s the amount of time it took for Lorelei to use the big girl potty and for Aurora to follow her into the bathroom.

2 minutes.

That’s all it took.

And, that’s about when I walked in to find my 3 year old looking on, horrified, as her one year old sister fished her hand into the potty, apparently trying to catch her sister’s…

poop.

Yeh, I said it.

That’s definitely NOT what I expected to find.

(The good news is, I walked in just as it happened…so, she didn’t have time to take her paci out of her mouth.  And no, she didn’t catch anything.)

Recently, we were extended a wonderful chance to travel to Walt Disney World – and, when it fell in line with our budget, we jumped at the chance.  Below are some tips for the frugally-minded:

1.  Until July this year, WDW is offering military personnel and their families a GREAT DEAL on tickets.  It’s about $99 for a 4 Day base ticket, which you can upgrade for approximately $25-30.  To save even more money on taxes, you can buy said tickets at Shades of Green in Orlando, or possibly at your nearest base.  (Call to figure out which option is cheaper.)

2.  Disney now allows soft coolers into the park with foods that don’t need to be reheated.  Take advantage of this!  We brought small rolls of bologna, crackers, chicken salad, cheese, sun chips, dried fruits, Kashi cheese crackers, etc to avoid some of the high prices of the park snacks.  Also, instead of the blue freezer packs, we filled a few ziploc bags with ice each morning, which we’d pour into our drinks as it melted.

3.  BYOB.  Bring your own bottle.  Water bottle, that is.  You will have the opportunity to fill up your water all over the park from the water fountains.  I will warn you, though, Orlando’s water is GROSS.  So, if you aren’t used to it, you may want to bring some lemon juice, fruit juice, or Crystal Light to help camoflauge the taste.  And…the water that comes from the fountains are room temperature, so if that’s an aversion you have, prepare yourself by bringing some ice.

4.  Bring your own stroller if you have little ones.  If we would have rented a double stroller for our girls, it would have cost us an extra $31/day.  Instead, we brought our own into the park (which wasn’t really any more trouble since we had to tote the kids in anyhow) AND we had ample space to store our cooler/bags so nobody had to pack anything.

5.  Walt Disney World offers some great hotels at “budget” prices – unfortunately, they didn’t fit into OUR budget (approx $80-$100/night).  Instead, we traveled with my husband’s parents and stayed at Ft. Wilderness.  They allowed us to fit an RV and 2 large tents onto one lot.  The price per night for these sites are between $59-$74 and could potentially be split up between several families.  It’s an extra $2/person once you start adding people, but that’s a pretty small price to pay.  Ft. Wilderness has great air-conditioned “comfort stations” (shower/bathrooms) where the water never got cold in the shower (unless you wanted it to).  If you take this route, I recommend that you bring some good bug spray and possibly bug zappers for the mosquitoes and yellow flies.  And, if you stay in a tent…a fan is nice (although we managed without one and had a baby and toddler and two adults that seemed to manage just fine).

6.  Save your gas, use Disney’s transportation.  Sure, it’s a little slower, but RELAX – you’re going to be moving like a mad person as soon as you get into the parks.

7.  If you have a little princess of your own, scout out yardsales for princess dresses.  Or, run to the dollar store or Michael’s and buy some tulle and make her a tutu.  The staff at Disney pull out all the stops, especially when you come all dressed up.  And, hey!  It’s Disney, why not dress up like a princess?  Anyways, a dress in one of their stores is $60.  Take your own nail polish, some face glitter, glitter hair spray, and a little tiara and you can surprise your little one with a little makeover before you even get there.  –All for under $20.  The same treatment INSIDE the parks would set you back $200.

8.  Check out the Walmart down the road from the park for some good Disney deals.  They sell a few similar/same things for a fraction of the price (think $2 vs. $15).

9.  If your kiddos are old enough, they may beg for toys.  Luckily, mine were asleep it seemed by the time we got to the stores, but if you don’t think you’ll be so lucky you can purchase toys before you go.  Try ebay, Walmart, yardsales, or make stuff.  Heck, I found some ADORABLE mickey mouse themed dresses on ETSY.com for only $20, they were cuter than anything WDW offered and at a fraction of the price.

10. Lastly, I suggest bringing some meals to help cut costs.  We brought easy to prepare foods – from wraps and sandwiches to flatbread with pizza fixings.  Hotdogs and hamburgers to simple pastas.  At WDW, it’s EASY to lay down $30 for ONE adult buffet (OUCH!)

Check out allears.com before you go for some great tips.  Or, peruse your local bookstore and read some other great tips.  There are so many cool things you can do if you just ASK – from free pins at the front gate to pin trading with staff.

Have any great Disney tips?  Share them in the comments!

With the help of Random.org, I drew a RANDOM number:

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers:

27

Timestamp: 2010-06-01 18:25:39 UTC

Comment number 27 was Sandy.  Congratulations!  You should be receiving an email from us soon!