ONE

Lorelei (looking at and holding her baby, says to her/it in a whisper voice):  “Baby.  You look at me!  Don’t say ‘dammit’!  No.”  Then, she proceeded to open her mouth insanely wide and…bite her.
Me:  *looked at her, mouth wide open in astonishment*
Lorelei: “What?”  (as if she was just doing the most natural thing in the world)

TWO

Lorelei: (As Rora crawls onto Lorelei’s chest) No, Rora! Don’t get me! You’re pushing God, He’s in my heart! Mama! Get her off of me!”

THREE

Lorelei: DADDDY!  Where you going?  Are you getting ready?
Dad:  Yep.  I’m getting ready to go to work.
Lorelei: Noooooo!!!  No go to work!
Dad: Well, I have to go to work so I can make money so we can buy you things.
Lorelei:  Oh. Okay.

FOUR

(During tutoring)
Me (to a student):  Okay, so if a woman has blood type A and her husband has type B blood, what type will their children have?
Lorelei:  C!!  Because A-B-C!!!!!  C comes next!  Yay, good job!

Note:  She usually doesn’t join me for tutoring sessions.  Thankfully.

FIVE

Me:  Hey, Steven…have you checked the mouse trap today?  I don’t want to see it, but you should check to see if we caught Mr. Mouse.
Steven:  (gets cell phone and shines light under the dishwasher)  Um…I don’t see it.
Me:  What…you don’t see the mouse?
Steven:  I don’t see anything.
Me:  As in…it’s too dark?
Steven:  No…as in…the mouse trap is gone.  And, no mouse.  I think it ate it.

Awesome.  We have a scary phantom mouse that EATS mouse traps.  Awesome.

Welcome back!