Check out this conference at Lake Barkley. It’s one day and will speak volumes. And, if you sign up before the end of January, you get to sign up for $10/person.
Welcome back!
Check out this conference at Lake Barkley. It’s one day and will speak volumes. And, if you sign up before the end of January, you get to sign up for $10/person.
Welcome back!
ONE
A couple of weekends ago, we visited some friends out of town. While we were there, we were able to experience two different groups of married couples. Each group was…well, it’s hard to explain, it was unlike anything Steven and I had really encountered before. It was a group of people from different churches, all couples coming together to celebrate God and their marriages. Each couple shared their difficulties and their triumphs. But, the most amazing part was the depth of the things that were being shared, and the accountability that followed.
And, we were inspired.
“How do we do this…at home?” We asked. After a lot of discussion, we realized it might be near impossible at home to implement such a group with such security and commitment quickly, and we seriously entertained the idea of moving CLOSER to that group, just so we could have that for ourselves.
For those of you that know us, you would know Steven and I have had a really difficult go at the last (and first) 5 years of our marriage. It’s been rough, beyond rough. There have been times when counselors, marriage therapists, and even peers have told us that there was just no way, that the problem was too big. I kept looking everywhere for answers. I searched the internet and found a group of people who had gone – and were going through – some of the same things I was. It put a “name” with some of the “symptoms of the problems”. I scrolled down, reading each post, tears sliding down my cheeks as I could relate to each and every one. I had found it. This would be my answer! This would tell me what to do! But, it didn’t.
Instead, it told me the same thing almost everyone else had: Somethings never change. Better to cut your losses now. And, on some level…I found myself agreeing.
But, one thing held me back. I KNEW God had brought us together. Without a doubt. And, to give up would mean that I’d be doubting my God and facing the possibility that He’d paired me with the wrong man.
Not ONCE did I seriously take into consideration praying for my husband. Sure, there were a couple of women who had suggested it to me, but they were also living lives completely different than mine – they believed wives were almost inferior to their husbands, that a man could even HIT them, and they must stay. So, I didn’t take them seriously.
Now, I can tell you our marriage has changed much. Sure, we still deal with the aftermath of 5 years worth of storms, but we’re piecing things together, we’re healing.
What changed?
One day, God told me something. He told me that one day, I would come back to that message board I had found and I would be a voice of hope. I would be able to give Glory To God for a repaired marriage that no man could fix. What changed was that at some point, I realized that God needed to be invited back into our marriage because I COULDN’T FIX THIS. BECAUSE OUR MARRIAGE WOULD FAIL WITHOUT HIM IN IT. –THAT, NO AMOUNT OF “SELF -HELP” WOULD FIX THINGS. ONLY, GOD-HELP.
With that realization, both Steven and I have found a desire in our hearts to help other people in their marriages. First, we thought about a Bible Study for married couples…or, a class…but, neither of us felt like we could do it any justice. After all, our marriage is still far from perfect. Better…recovering…but so much work left to do!
Then, after deciding that even these small groups would be near-impossible to recreate without YEARS of relationships, God spoke.
He gave me the details:
-8 couples ONLY
-No children allowed in the room
-One night a week, to begin each time with a meal
-Young AND older couples
I tried to brush it away, knowing that most of the people I know would either be too uncomfortable or too busy to want to really commit. Finding 8 couples would be like trying to find 16 people who would joyously allow me to pull their teeth. This group would be about making changes in their marriages. It would be at times difficult and possibly even, embarrassing. It would require strangers to commit themselves before each other and God to their spouses, God, and each other. This wasn’t like asking a bunch of people over to play wii and eat free food (much easier to do). It would mean that we would be truly accountable to each other and ask each other the difficult questions and give difficult answers.
AND, to top it off…who are we to lead a group based on marriage? – Couldn’t it be on something else?
And then, He told me that I had it all wrong. My job was simply to invite the people, He would get them to come (those that were supposed to). And, my job was NOT to lead the group, just set it up…HE would lead it.
So, I listened. I began inviting people. And within a few hours, a group was formed. I thought it would take forever to get it going, and now I’m fearing we’ll have to tell people we’re full! We have only a few more openings left, but I think that has more to do with hearts being in the process of being molded. I invited those I was told to and the rest? Will be up to Him.
God is amazing!
TWO
In the past couple of weeks, Lorelei’s attitude seemed to have gotten crazy. Whining, back talk, issues in obedience, ignoring…all of it. My sweet little girl seemed to have suddenly gone a little wild. My anxiety began mounting, going through the roof. Then, a friend mentioned a book.
I don’t think it was a coincidence at all. A God-incident maybe.
To Train Up A Child is the book, and while I don’t necessarily agree with everything it outlines, we’ve adapted our own parenting style and beliefs and have adopted those. In less than 30 minutes, there was a difference!
I read that “popping” a child on the behind with your hand can misalign the child’s spine – regardless if there is a padded diaper. It’s the impact. So, we stopped using that. Instead, we have begun smacking her hand, but the real difference is that INSTEAD OF WAITING UNTIL I’M TO MY BOILING POINT, I “TRAIN” HER WITH EVERY INFRACTION, NO MATTER HOW SEEMINGLY INSIGNIFICANT. Before, I would let certain things go. I would follow through if I said she’d receive some form of correction, but I was afraid that punishing her for every little infraction made me impatient, that it made me a bad mommy. What I didn’t realize was that by letting her to even the tiniest little things, I was letting rebellion breed in her little heart. Granted, most of her “rebellion” is pretty small stuff…nothing hateful.
The book that I’m reading is a very rod-oriented book, and while I am not comfortable using a “switch” or a belt on my sweet 2 year old, we will have to incorporate something extra for when the hateful acts begin (IF they do). But, I was thinking more…fly-swatter. I’m praying that will work. And while I have trouble with a few parts of the book, there was one thing amazing Pearl mentioned – that it’s SO important to break their (defiant/stubborn/rebellious) WILL, but NOT their HEARTS. In practice, that means they have to know how to behave, know to obey, but that you don’t spank and spank them into submission without loving them. It doesn’t mean you beat your kids so they’ll fear your word, it means you train them (even if it means a little discomfort) so they can hopefully bypass a lot of potential misery and pain. It means you do it calmly, never when angry. It means you take the time to get to know them and develop a relationship with them. And, it means…you know when and where to stop.
For us, the “hand spank” as we call it is working awesomely. Lala has begun to realize that if she chooses to break the rules, there will be a consequence. The thing that surprises me most, though,is that I am less stressed and training her MORE means less discipline for her. She knows that any rebellion at all will lead to the same thing, and she’s calmed down.
And, the hugs she gives me (even right afterwards) lets me know we’re on the right track.
Keep a notebook about the little things that makes your spouse smile – from clean dishes (that she/he didn’t have to do) to foot rubs to their favorite tv shows. Pick something from it often to surprise him or her. (It can be gifts AND/OR gestures)
I saw this
and love it.
Simple sweet carnations paired with some bittersweet in an old fashioned glass milk jug (the mouth of the jug keeps them bunched together) and voila!
Sometimes simple can be SO beautiful.
Cost: About $4
I knew I had made a list like this, but when I went to find it…it wasn’t easy. And, it was an older list! I’ve updated it a little to reflect how my life circumstances have changed (I no longer have room for some of the things that were on my list, or some of them had been purchased)…
My 100 things:
1. Burt’s Bees Chapstick. With Peppermint. Nothing works as good.
2. Crazy/Funky cloth napkins.
3. Clothes. I love shopping at stores like Charlotte Russe, Limited, Ann Taylor Loft, Gap, Old Navy, etc. Depending on the store, my size is always different. But, that at least gives you an idea of my “style”
4. Essential Oils Desk Reference : These are super great and Amazon is actually out, but you could go to the publisher’s site and order one there hint hint.
5. Gourmet cupcakes (meaning, not from Walmart. Rich yummy flavors with homemade icing and all prettified)
6. Cake Bible
7. A Story Of A Lifetime Book
8. This serger. This has been on a list for about 3 years. (I’m showing proof that my tastes don’t really change that much)
9. pretty terrariums
10. Chocolate, caramel, and pecans…together!
11. Tollhouse mini chocolate chip cookies (like the brownie bites, but chocolate chip)
12. Reeses Pieces or Reeses Peanut butter cups
13. Young Living Essential Oils
14. I love the “all natural stuff” that you buy at the health food stores
15. Crafty stuff. I love it all, mostly.
16. The smell of my favorite cookies
17. Scent of honeysuckle
18. Fruity scents
19. Massages
20. A book on woodworking ( a really good one)
21. Tools for woodworking
22. these socks - But not the toe or flip flop socks…
23. A “table” to fit into our new place. Basically, it’s a taller table and big enough for two people to sit on one side. Has caster wheels that lock, simply built. 2 “stools” to go with it, that slide neatly under the “table” Table would have inexpensive countertop material for the top, and I can move it to also be an “island” (we don’t have much countertop space either). PLUS, when we move, it’ll be great in the kitchen OR a craft room!
24. Music. I like music.
25. The double hammock from hoopers that can attach to any tree that I’ve wanted for 5 years.
26. zany Stationery
27. Wax seal kit
28. Organizational stuff.
29. Trips.
30. I want to go to Disney World
31. Vancouver
32. Sand Diego
33. Los Angeles
34. Las Vegas
35. TAZO pomegranate and plum green teas. Oh geez. Yum.
36. Mini colorful outdoor paper lanterns (bright colors)
37. Funny stuff
38. Random things (although, I don’t do much when it comes to knicknacks)
39. Framed Photographs
40. Blank canvas for me to paint
41. Gesso for the canvas I have
42. A grain mill. That would be awesomeness.
43. Food Network Magazine
44. Country Living Magazine
45. Family Fun Magazine
46. A really cute cooking apron…REALLY CUTE like this one
47. Bed and Breakfasts —staying at them
48. Science experiment kits – - You know, the really awesome ones for highschoolers/middleschoolers? Yeh.
49. I like earrings. I hate bracelets (although if you make me one, I’ll forever cherish it…just not wear it). I blame my wrists which are bony.
50. Black stillettos. Because I have none. I know, right? I won’t post my shoe size because I’ll never hear the end of the mockery, but you can email me for sizes.
51. I like really cute adorable pajamas…the ones that have cute prints on them and have sweet tshirts that go with them (or just the pants). NOT the sexy sort. I don’t actually wear PJs to bed, I lounge in them, and answer the door when the UPS gal comes, so sexy doesn’t work for those.
52. Awesome books
53. Roses. I like roses. Especially really different ones. They should come with roots and a pot so I can plant them and they can grow FOREVER!
54. Starbucks iced frappucino. Caramel with shots of chocolate.
55. Gardenias
56. Tulips
57. Beautiful throw pillows
58. Stuff by Anne Taintor
59. Heck, I’m only on 59??? Plane tickets.
60. Somebody pay my way for BlogHer 2010!! Haha (Hey, this is my list of wants, and I’m getting strapped for 100!)
61. Make me something. I will love it, I swear.
62. Compost
63. Tix to a broadway show…at the Carson Center
64. 2 cheapo bedside tables. White. Like these. Only, I’m cool if they were used and need painting and sanding 
65. Umm…a basic white plant stand (I think they have them at the company store?). Nothing all wiry, just simple wood. Simple lines. Nothing expensive. Just something I can put indoor plants on in front of the window so my cats won’t eat them.
66. makeovers at the MAC (makeup ) store
67. I want to go on a hot air balloon ride
68. My favorite colors are raspberry pink and caribbean blues and turquoises. If you don’t know what raspberry pink is…HERE. I don’t know what the frick that thing is, but it’s the right color.
69. I also love bright orange (not neon colors), lime (as in the fruit, not neon) green, and lavender
70. I like fun, fresh designs and patterns
71. I also like girly stuff.
72. I’m running out of room, so I’ll start posting sizes.
73. Waist: 24 inches
74. Hips: 33 inches
75. I’m about 5?1? and that should tell you loads about length
76. Depending on brand, I can wear small If it’s super small sizes, I can sometimes wear a Medium (like Hollister – but hollister cleans my wallet out and we are not currently friends)
77. Same with bottoms. Generally I wear an Small or 2. Depending on the brand.
78. Shoes…5.5 to 6
79. A is for Aprons (pattern book).
80. Pan Fried Asparagus and Amanda’s Poppy Seed Chicken. yum
81. I love wacky “kits”. Like…cupcake kits, make your own this or that kit, sushi kit, etc. Whether it’s a store bought already put together kit, or you put it together. I go crazy over kits.
82. I also love pampered Chef
83. And Athleta.com
84. ShabbyApple.com
85. I love pier one an the World Market.
86. I am a romantic.
87. Seriously, I love almost anything. Kiwi Magazine, Wondertime, and Mothering (in that order)
88. Katie Glisson’s “goulash” – which is unlike any goulash I’ve ever tried
89. Stephanie’s taste in music
90. I like to learn more about my friends.
91. I like movies but hate owning a bunch. Hence, we netflix and borrow alot. Way better. I like going to the theater occasionally but mostly I end up having to pee and trying to hold it the whole time as some shit kicks the back of my seat (while I need to pee).
92. I can transform from the whole girly girl to the outdoor chic in like .5 seconds. Which reminds me, a good all natural and non harmful mosquito and tick repellant would be cool.
93. I like cooking as long as it’s fun and experimental. (i.e. I don’t fry chicken or make meatloaf – common southern dishes – unless I’m making them with a twist. I prefer to eat and cook other stuff).
94. I pretty much don’t wear camo. Sorry.
95. I love hilarious graphic (fitted ) tees.
96. I love learning. And, right now, I’m really into natural healing and all that comes with. And, of course…I want to learn woodworking.
97. I like fabric. Colorful, fun, bright, modern, fresh fabric (to sew with).
98. Almost done! YES! The romantic in me loves redenvelope.com, the simple/mod gal in me loves IKEA (although we dont have a store anywhere around here), the neatfreak in me loves the Container Store, the interior designer in me loves Crate and Barrel, Pier 1, and Pottery Barn (occasionally) and World Market. The crafty in me loves etsy.com and the weirdo in me loves uncommongoods.com. And the total nerd in me loves bookstores. Period. lol
99. Other interests of mine are: homeschooling , psychology, natural healing and alternative medicines…and I think I’ve told you the other stuff.
100. It’s not so much the stuff, as it is the experience and the thoughts behind it. If I know you spent time to make me something or really really put thought into a gift or an “action,” I’ll love it – no matter what it is. This list is not a beggar’s list, it was REALLY hard for me to fill 100 things. It’s a guide. It’s a way to know me better. And, if you want to use it, you can. If not, that’s hunky dorey, too!
My dear husband seems to think I’m really hard to buy for, and I disagree…I could buy for me all day long with someone else’s money.
So, here’s my list of things I really really like. (There are more lists all over this blog, but I’m gonna put this one in a safe place like on his pillow.)
1. Essential Oils Desk Reference : These are super great and Amazon is actually out, but you could go to the publisher’s site and order one there hint hint.
2. The double hammock from hoopers that can attach to any tree that I’ve wanted for 5 years.
3. This serger. This has been on a list for about 3 years. (I’m showing proof that my tastes don’t really change that much)
4. A grain mill. That would be awesomeness.
5. Cake Bible
7. This, this, this, this, this, this, and this.
9. Fake teeth (please click over)
10. And lots of other stuff…
Resolve to say only nice things TO and ABOUT your spouse, today.
It must be a funny (pitiful) sight to see me “running.” Really, it’s almost amusing at how quickly I become out of breath as I try for the first time in my life to really start running. I was told running would be hard, that it’d take months – if not years – for it to really integrate itself so well into my life that I could actually relax as I run. That’d be nice.
But, for now, I’ll feel like I’m about to die as the breath is sucked straight out of my lungs and the cold air burns them instead.
The funny thing is that I’ve been CRAVING running. It sucks while I do it, but then I can’t wait to do it again. Maybe I’ve just developed a masochistic personality.
Regardless, I’m trying to drag Steven into my new lifestyle. It’s something we’ve talked about for …since we’ve been married, but we never seem to keep up the whole “active lifestyle” for more than a couple of weeks. This time, I bought a board game (called The Fitness Challenge) and it seems pretty cool. The main idea for the game is to try to get in 3 workouts a week and there are points and prizes (real ones) and all that jazz…
I’m feeling particularly pumped that so far this week, I’m winning. The bad news is that that’s because Steven hasn’t done a workout this week yet (which is okay, he still has 5 days). The good news is that I’ve gone from working out 3 days a week, to trying to cram more in. Like 4 days a week. I’ve started dabbling in p90x. Dabbling, because most of the system depends on a pull up bar, which requires a sturdy door frame. I don’t really trust these door frames and am not committed to losing our security deposit over a freakin pull up bar. My walls are made of some really sturdy cardboard (not wood), so I really doubt the doors and frames were splurged on. In fact, I have a sneaky suspicion half of this place was super-glued together (which I may or may not have done some of the repairs myself).
I was feeling rather confident after I finished my p90x Ab Ripper with no pain or soreness. I felt like a superstar (that had been jipped of a workout) when I felt nothing the next day. But 2 days later, I feel it. It may have something to do with the extra pushups I did and the run…but, when Steven asked me to scoot underneath the baby bed in order to reassemble it, I suddenly realized that most of my muscles were on fire. Except my feet. My feet seemed fine. That was it.
In other news, you really can RUN through a bank drive through to deposit money. And yes, that was me. I like to multi-task (and they’d already locked the front doors).
In more news, the baby’s bed has been moved to the girls’ room. Lorelei is ecstatic and at 7:30am, they both woke up and were giggling and having fun. I’m excited, yet…not…why can’t they sleep til noon?
In even more news, Lorelei is nonstop hungry. I’m happy she’s eating but am now wondering if this is a developmental stage or one really large tapeworm.
Get to know your spouse better.
Today, come up with a list of 10 questions – things you don’t know about your spouse but would like to. Hopefully, they’ll want to participate and will come up with questions for you, too. If not, that’s okay.
If you feel like you know everything, ask silly questions like:
- If you were stranded on an island and could only have 3 things, what would you take?
-If you had to be stranded on an island for the rest of your life, what would it look like/be like?
-If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be and why?
-If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
-Would you rather eat the same thing everyday or never be able to eat the same thing twice?
Let your minds wander and explore each other’s thoughts. Feel free to go deeper into this exercise and begin dreaming together, and feel free to dig into more “touchy” subjects together. Just remember that this is a time of sharing and getting to know each other…not to cut each other down or belittle the other for their thoughts and answers.
-
Realize your spouse was never meant to be your everything.
However, God was.
