Pride.

Sometimes, it’s obvious.  It can be so IN YOUR FACE that you can’t even miss it…

But, sometimes…  it’s not.

Sometimes, it’s hidden and it takes someone to point it out before you even realize…

I’ll admit it.  My feelings have been hurt pretty easily.  And, it’s something I’m working on, but I’ve not completely perfected this one yet.  I still feel a little left out when a group of people I consider close friends gather and I’m not invited.  I begin wondering if why I was excluded, and then I begin to think that maybe they never thought as much of me as I did of them.  That, perhaps it was just a public show…or maybe I read too much into the “friendship” in the first place.  Or, maybe I go out of my way to invite someone to do something and they decline my offer…repeatedly.  Instantly, I’m sure they just don’t want to be my friend.  The list goes on.  And, until recently, I had never thought of it like this, but…

THAT’S PRIDE.

To think that these people really are so concerned about ASHLEYASHLEYASHLEY is crazy.  I mean, as cool as it would be if the universe actually did revolve around me…it doesn’t.  To think that people would go out of their way to hurt me and make me feel awful is PRIDEFUL.  Granted, there are people who have been in my life who were like that, most people aren’t.  I do a pretty good job of weeding out people in my life these days – and have unfortunately weeded out a few of the good people just because of this sort of PRIDE.  (Thanks Janice for helping me see that.)

Then, there are the little comments.  Like, after I work really really hard to make something – whether it be food or a craft or any other project – and someone COMPLIMENTS me.  And then I say “Oh, it’s nothing.”  Except it’s not nothing because I worked 8 hours on it!  Or, one of my particularly difficult ones would be if someone tells me I’m pretty.  And, I say…”Riiiiggghhhttt”  Or when someone compliments me on my talents, and I say it’s nothing special….Because it seems like just accepting that compliment would be prideful all in itself…but actually…

THAT’S PRIDE.

God made me quirky and creative and just the way I am.  Regardless of the distorted way I may see myself, God thinks I’m pretty darn great.  And, it’s prideful to think I would know any better to say otherwise.

And then…

There are the opportunities I forego just because I’m afraid to fail.  I’m afraid to take things on because I don’t want to fall, I don’t want to fail.  I can become so caught up in every single detail, trying to make everything just so…so perfect, so right.  And, if it’s not…I feel like a failure.

THAT’S PRIDE.

Because you know what?  I’m not perfect.  I am flawed.  It’s how I was made and it’s how I’m intended to be.  But, even so I can succeed.  That’s the beauty of it!  –Even things that may not turn out exactly like I wanted them to are not failures or useless…they can be beautiful and purposeful, too!  So what if I gifted a journal that was a little crooked and so what if the last bread I baked completely sunk down the middle?  I made those things for special people in my life and my heart goes into everything I do.  THAT’S what matters.

Welcome back!