I’ve been praying a lot – fervent, tear soaked pleas – asking for guidance and direction and peace.

And, while I’m waiting to find out where this new path will go – or even while I’m waiting to even find the path, because right now I feel like I’m walking through a bunch of overgrown weeds, just LOOKING for a path to get on, hoping that when I find it I won’t take the wrong one.  But, while I’m waiting, I’m learning.

I’m learning that:

There are those who choose to remain a part of your life through not only the good times but through the trying times, as well – the times when you have nothing left to give or offer.  They are the ones who never let go of your hand as you trudge through some of the scariest, hardest, and lonely times of your life.  They trudge with you, offering up their support and love in ways as unique as they are – with heartfelt cards and invitations to dinner, a warm covered dish, a mixed cd, a service offered up at no charge, and other little gifts from the heart they know would help you to just make it through today.  The ways they support you are different and varied but together, they walk behind you, ready to catch you if you should fall – ready to lift you up again to your feet.  Ready to love you through it all.  Unsatisfied to stand on the sidelines with the group of people who no doubt mean well but remain mostly uninvested in your life as a whole.

I’m learning that:

It is times like these that bring you to your knees…or, me.  Times like these that make you realize that some of the people you thought would be there for you (because they’re blood, or because they said they would be) often aren’t.  But, even better are those whom you never expected to touch your life in such a deep manner, stepping forth and reaching out.

I’m learning that:

Even though support isn’t coming from some of those I had most expected it from, I will choose to love them anyways.  I will choose to realize that they are on their own personal journeys and may just not have figured it out yet, and I will keep trying to give when I can, regardless if it always feels one sided in some of those relationships.  I will fight the urge to push those people away and cut away those relationships, and I will forgive them for not being there for us in a capacity they have promised to be.  I will love them anyways.

I’m learning that:

My 40 days of surrender is HARD.  Other people have given up chocolate and violent movies and alcohol, most of them seeing almost immediate results and changes.  I’m seeing changes too, only my circumstances seem to test me more and more, rather than giving me peace and understanding.  I have faith that at some point I will have yet ANOTHER beautiful story to tell about how God transformed my life when all else around me was at its breaking point.

Like the story of deployment.  Like the story of the lies.  Like the story of the first unemployment.  Like the story where I almost died.  Twice.  Like the story of our darling Lorelei.

This will be another story.  Another testament.  I just wish I had more patience.  More faith.

I’ve prayed (and continue to) that God will set me on the path that He wants us – and more specifically, that He make it SO obvious to me/us that we can’t miss it (Sometimes, I convince myself that I made it up or I’m *wanting* something too much).  I’m asking that God will line things up so PERFECTLY one way or another that we will just know.  It may mean us moving – a job, house, and selling ours all lining up perfectly.  It may mean moving half across the country.  It may mean doing almost nothing but waiting for 3 months.  Just being faithful.

I also realize that in order for God to be able to have the most ROOM to work in my life, we have to be open.  Nothing will stop God, of course – but it makes things so much easier when we are open and willing and listening (and hopefully a little less painful for us).  So, we’re both keeping our minds open to different types of work -even me – and where or how we may have to live soon.  Including renting or possibly a tiny home in a not so awesome part of town.

So, we’ve put our house back on the market.

We’re not quite sure whether this will become anything or whether we’ll be taking it down again shortly.  We’re just trying to be open.  Try to let God move freely in our lives.  We’re trying to be patient.  Trying to have faith.

And, thank you.  Thank you to those of you who have made it blatantly clear how behind us you are.  I only hope you can see our gratitude for every little (and big!) thing you’ve done for us, and how much we appreciate those things – and YOU – in our lives.  You are truly a blessing and we will remember you forever.  We love you.

Welcome back!