The storms still brew around me, threatening to turn my life upside-down in one fell swoop - changing my life the way I know it.  I can see the clouds outside my window as they circle around, and yet I try to focus on the beauty still in my life - it matters not that some of it is only cosmetic and could be blown over with the slightest wind.  It’s what I have to hold on to, and so I grasp it all with both hands, pulling it close to me.

This is one of the most hard and trying times of my life - it is also one of the most beautiful times.  I reached a crossroads and I made a decision - lots of them, actually.  I closed my eyes, I jumped.  I hoped for the best.  I prayed for strength and the will to navigate my way through thorny brush.  But, I still cannot see the end.

I could write about my bruised and broken heart, or how some days I want to do nothing more than raise my torn, white flag and walk away.  I could write about the days that I am filled with such hope and renewed promise.  But, neither would give you the complete picture - a true image of my life and soul - because right now, I am going through one of the hardest and most joyful times of my life - a time full of tears, miracles, lessons, and discovery.  So, the best I can do right now is to record glimpses of this journey - glimpses of the pain and joy, alike.  Glimpses of the lessons I’ve learned or things I’ve discovered - not because I feel I am qualified to “teach,” but in an attempt to record this journey.

And, while this is my journal of sorts, I have reached a point where I am (for the time being) unable to write explicit details about some of the biggest things that I NEED to write about - because, quite frankly, I’m still trying to sort it out.  I’ve done everything I can do and now I must wait and pray.  I’m choosing to take each day one at a time, and I’m choosing to change the things in my life that I actually have control over (like my home, projects, and self) as I wait to see what will come of the things I have no control of - the things that will decide some of the biggest factors of my life in quite possibly some of the most devastating ways.  I am learning that I cannot rely on the glimmers of hope to portray anything larger for quite some time, I’m learning that for now, things are just what they are and that by attaching anything more to that could be setting myself up for further failure.

I know that if I just keep walking, that I will eventually reach a clearing.  I know that this path may wind and require more strength than I ever knew I had, but I have faith that clear blue skies and vibrant rainbows lay ahead.

Welcome back!