Being content in my life – especially as an adult – has been a struggle for me, a fine line between “just settling” and “being thankful and gracious.”

Marriage came with a lot of things, for me – and, it wasn’t necessarily the marriage itself but all of the responsibilities we tacked on with it – like debt, home ownership, car ownership, etc. Actually, within 3.5 years of marriage, we’ve accumulated three very used vehicles (2 of which work, today), debt, a home, and soon to be…two lovely children. So, why is it that when I look at my LONG list of things I feel grateful for, I immediately also feel a surge of guilt and terror building in my chest? Why is it that I never feel like we’re doing quite well enough or that we’re never really moving “forward,” never really escaping the debt?

At the age of 23, I’m finally learning the lesson on being content.

It was never really about keeping up with the Joneses for me – I mean, SOMEDAY I think it’d be nice to be able to have a larger home with a huge kitchen and living area and backyard for entertaining, complete with arches, french doors, an inground pool, and gardens. But, then again…I can honestly say that if it never happened, I’d be happy here. In this house (plus some paint coats and a few DIY projects). Until I die. I think it’d be great to someday own one SUV and one newer car – a family car that’s sized just right so it still looks cute (and I can see the back-end) but is large enough to fit a few kids and their stuff in – and has great gas mileage. And, a warranty But, then again…I know that if I don’t see that for a few, or ten years, I’ll still be happy. I dream about being able to travel and being able to entertain guests with lots of food and music – but, I also know I’d be happy to travel every other year to the beach, and more locally on the off years – and inviting friends over for homemade ice cream and cake or campfires and burgers.

No, it’s definitely not what the “Joneses” have or don’t have that make me feel like a trapped lion in a cage. So, what is it?

Maybe it’s the overwhelming pressure from society – and a very mixed up message that’s constantly being sent our way about the differences between what we NEED and what we PREFER. And, maybe it’s because I actually listened and believed.

Society tells you that you need to see your auto-shop basically every few months. Or, maybe it’s the auto industry that’s saying that. It sounds funny? Oh, take it in. There’s a scratch? Better get that fixed. You’ve driven so many miles? Time for new tires and oil! –And, while I’m sure all this is incredibly helpful for many, some of us simply can’t afford to keep our vehicles in tip top condition ALL OF THE TIME. I’ve learned that what I NEED is a vehicle that will get me from point A to point B. Who cares if the last mechanic we went to for a simple oil change found 3 new things they thought they needed to be fixed RIGHT THEN, and by them, (like they do EVERY TIME WE GO) and predicted nothing short of our untimely deaths by car accidents if we didn’t listen (something could go out at a later time which could lead to breaking down on the side of the road which could be at night which could lead to being killed, etc.).

Society tells you that a “starter home” is 1600 to 2000 square feet and that once you have a kid or two, it’s OBVIOUSLY time to move on to bigger homes. Society says that if your home needs some touch-ups, you should tackle those projects fervently. But, what I’m learning is that I NEED a place to live. It is my preference that every light bulb works, that the shutters and garage door get repainted, that the lawn look a certain way, that the appliances look less outdated and that the carpet not look drab. PREFERENCE. Not need.

Society tells us that we should have refrigerators and pantries stocked full, that we should be able to eat out with friends on a whim. Instead, what I NEED is quality food that will nurture my family’s bodies. I don’t NEED convenience foods, and I don’t NEED a full refrigerator. Actually, we’re stocked pretty well on food, but if you only went by what my refrigerator held it’d look like we weren’t eating much (which isn’t the case. I just have a lot of single ingredients to make from-scratch meals. And, they don’t happen to all live in the fridge!). Of course, I’d prefer to be able to keep tons of healthy snack options around and be able to go out to eat with friends and socialize at restaurants whenever the mood strikes…but it’s okay that I can’t. It’s just a preference.

Society urges you to take out some more credit to buy your heart’s desires, but then backs away quickly when you have trouble paying off the cards. I’m learning that just because half of America isn’t quite as open as I am about things, it doesn’t mean they aren’t sitting their nodding their heads because they KNOW. It doesn’t mean that probably 80 percent of the people I meet today have credit card bills they’re whittling away at.

Society tells us that if something breaks, we better fix it fast. I’m learning that it won’t kill me to wait a little while on most things.

Society tells us that we should have the latest clothes and gadgets and our shoes shouldn’t have scuffs. And, I’m saying that for now, it doesn’t really matter. I’m saying that for now, I don’t really care. Preferences, not needs.

I’m learning that it’s okay if my TO DO list never really ends, that it keeps on growing and growing. I’m learning to accept that I will never mark everything off of that list. And, most of all…I’m learning that those lists are PREFERENCES, mostly – and, to let go of the expectations that I’m somehow failing if I can’t keep it all up all of the time.

It doesn’t mean that I’ll let my house fall apart, and it doesn’t mean we’ll let the things God has given us spoil – it just means that instead of drowning ourselves with expectations we can’t meet, we’ll learn to simply prioritize with the time and money we have and not worry about what we can’t do at this time in our lives.

It means that at age 23, I’m finally learning what it means to be CONTENT.

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