A list of stuff I need to buy within in the next 10 weeks. Or, maybe I should make that 6-8 weeks because DOOD. WHAT IF SHE’S EARLY?

1.

Gerber 2 pack gowns ($9.99) (2 packs of these) - We only had a few of these with Lorelei and OMG I loved them. Seriously, they were one of my favorite things. I still have the few that she had, so I only need to buy a few (like 3 or 4) more gowns. Other than that, she’s pretty much set on clothes because she’ll be born in the same season as L was! Done! Mom picked these up! (Thanks, mom!)

2.

Baby Delight Supreme Snuggle Nest ($59.99). I lost a LOT of sleep when Lorelei was first born. We wanted to co-sleep for the first few months just so we could make sure she was still breathing through the night…and for feeding. This time around, I plan to breastfeed AND I still want to co-sleep at first… But, I want the security of knowing there’s something more stable between me and the baby so I can sleep a LITTLE deeper knowing I won’t roll over on her. I never rolled onto Lorelei, but my body also really never allowed me to sleep very deep either. Steven on the other hand… Update: Got it! (Thanks, mimi!)

3.

A glider. I found this one for 174.99 at Toys R Us (I linked it, click the photo). The dark wood matches the other furniture, and it’s the cheapest I could find. The “star rating” wasn’t tip top but most of the complaints were about it either being squeaky or not enough cushioning (although just as many people said they liked it just fine). So, I figure since I’m super petite, maybe the cushioning won’t bother me, but I can always rip out a seam and add some more and close it back up, right? As for the squeaking – OH PLEASE GOD, DON’T LET IT SQUEAK! I thought I wouldn’t need this when L was born and I took a petite rocking chair from mom that she used when I was little. I decided that I hate unpadded rocking chairs. It kills my back and butt and Lorelei uses it simply as a step stool to climb onto the dangerous twin bed I told you about in the last post.

4.

A circular play yard (Walmart, $52.98, click photo for more info) – If you have a toddler, or more than one kid – you’ll get this with no explanation. I’m anticipating wacky naptimes that won’t coincide, which means I’m also anticipating almost no sleep for me. This would be great, indoors and out, to help “corral” the toddler when I need to sit down and rest – and great as Aurora gets older for the two to play together in.

5.

A double stroller. Which is giving me hives just thinking about. I need advice on this one – as in, what do I freaking get?! I’m petite and well, tiny, and I’ll be the one taking both Lorelei and Aurora to doctor appointments (both mine and theirs) and anywhere else that has normal business hours. Alone. So, it has to carry 2 kidlings, should preferably work with an infant carseat, should not cost an arm and a leg, and should be something I could lift in and out of the SUV. Oh, and I must be able to push it. Obviously. Ideas? Recommendations?  (UPDATE:  DONE!)

6.

3 Aimee Nursing Gowns – because I need something to wear around the house for awhile…and to bed…while I’m nursing and not going places and such. Because nothing else that I have really fits. Except I don’t know. I could make do with humongous tshirts or something. It’s not really a “need” and they’re kind of expensive (especially since there are other things on this list), so they are really at the bottom of the list.

7.

Medela Breast Pump. Because I’m supposed to be traveling and leaving baby A and L with their grandparents throughout the year – and, there’s no way I plan to use a hand-pump for a weekend’s worth of supply. So, it’s either this or take the babies along. (click photo for more info) I know several moms who BFed without a pump or bottle EVER, but they also didn’t do the traveling or grandparent thing. So, yeh. Done! My cousin is giving me hers!

What else am I missing? Ideas?

Welcome back!

I had decided not to post a list, but then again I LOVE lists and people began asking what L would like for her birthday. So – rather than try to remember each time and spout off a list as their eyes glaze over, I thought I’d post some pretty photographs and links – you know, just in case anyone cares that much. This year, I’m going with a “no (small/indoor) toys” theme. We’re busting at the seams with toys and she has tons of great age appropriate things from Christmas. As it is, we have over 15 baby dolls and probably just as many stuffed animals, and that’s not even beginning to consider what’s going to be added when Aurora shares that teeny tiny room. ***This “no toy” theme won’t necessarily be in effect for future occasions once she no longer has age-appropriate toys and the others can be put in storage or given away.

Lorelei’s 2nd Birthday “Wish” List

$99.99 Delta San Tropez dark cherry toddler bed from Toys R Us.com (click photo to go to page – online only). It’s a toddler bed (not a twin bed). We were going to just have her sleep on a twin bed we had, but then we got real and realized that she’s most likely to break her neck on the thing than sleep at night. What she needs is a short bed made especially for toddlers. And, since Aurora will be here soon and will need a crib – Lorelei’s crib – it’s pretty high on the list.  UPDATE!:  It’s been ordered!  We ran into some problems because the Cherry was out of stock everywhere, but we found it NEW on ebay, so woot!  Thanks Mimi and Pa!  Can’t wait to get this set up, Lorelei has been asking to sleep in a big kid bed for a week or two, now!

$48.88 Kid Tough Waterproof Digital Camera for toddlers. This is on the verge of “toys,” but the kid would love this and has nothing like it. It’s built especially for toddlers, so it’s ready for all of the rough handling she can dish out. (Click photo to go to Walmart.com product page)

$114.98 from Toys R Us.com (click on photo). It’s a swing set. Obviously. And, since the ice storm did some damage to our trees, we can no longer use a tree to hold the baby swing – which she’s mostly outgrown, anyhow. Unlike most of the other things on this list, this swing set isn’t one that I’m just IN LOVE with, but it’s as close as I could find for the money. We like the swings and the little 4 person and 2 person swings for her. I had a set similar to this growing up and it was awesome. Of course, wood would be way better but I also saw those price tags.

$135.05 from Amazon.com (click photo for more details or to buy). We live up by the lakes and are super active outdoors during the spring and summer months, so this would be huge. There’s no way I’d put a baby seat on the back of a bike, just in case the bike were to fall. This thing also converts to a quick stroller and is supposedly pretty light. And, it’s orange. A good, bright color for people to see us better with

$129.99 from Walmart. (click photo)

And, that’s about all I’ve got for ideas. Of course, presents aren’t really necessary but this is the list for anyone who wanted to know. The prices are a little higher than your standard “kid toy,” so we’re expecting (and hoping) for less gifts overall – Lorelei would be ecstatic if everyone went in together to get her a few larger toys from this list rather than a bunch of smaller stuff that we’ll have to move out when Aurora gets here due to room issues inside.

Okay, so I did it.  I took the leap.  I’m going to blogHer.  It’s officially official.  See?

Now, who else is going? (I want to know!)

….

In other, but equally exciting news:

BABY, BACK OFF.  STOP HORSING AROUND, YOU HAVE TO WAIT AT LEAST 8 MORE WEEKS.  IT’S THE RULES.

Contractions.  At 5 am.  Relatively regular contractions.  Very painful contractions.  And, me lying in bed going back and forth from wanting to call my doula and mom and then just wanting to reach over and hit my husband with the Milano cookies the hospital told me to eat to get the baby active.  Just because I could.  – That, and because he kept falling asleep.  I mean, I’m in some serious pain here and kind of freaking out and you are falling asleep?  Let me help you eat that Milano cookie, sir.

Although this might have ended my obsession with the Pepperidge Farm Milano Cookies…I’ve never wanted a dang cookie LESS than at 5 am this morning.

The contractions have stopped and are now only presenting themselves in random painful jabs but veeerrrrryyyy spaced out.  Like hours.  Or more.

I have a feeling it was all related to stress and such, but there’s the update nonetheless.

(Oh, and for those of you who were wondering about Lorelei – she’s doing mostly better.  Except for the rash.  The rash isn’t really getting worse, but it’s sure taking it’s time to go away.  As in, I’m not sure it is.  But, at least she feels better in every other way, right?)

Last week, Lorelei came down with cold-like symptoms – you know, sneezing, runny nose, headache, and general tiredness but waking up at the butt crack of dawn.  We watched “moobies” and lounged around, and she got to eat any sort of fruit she wanted (her favorite).

Then, she developed a rash that looked much like a heat rash.  Or, hives.  Or, scarlet fever.  It spread all over her back, the tops of her arms, and across her belly.

And, after consulting with Dr. Google, I decided that it was definitely not measles, fifth disease, or most of the other rashy sicknesses.  In fact, it wasn’t even heat rash since it wasn’t going away.  Scarlet fever didn’t really fit either, but would stay on the maybe list just because the rash was so similar – and if she’s anything like me, there might not be a “typical presentation” of symptoms.  Story of my life.  And, hives?  She tried some new fruit juice 2 weeks ago.  It could be a late reaction.  Or maybe she just has a cold and freaky odd ball rash?  Afterall, she didn’t have a fever.

Then again, I’m not a doctor…so I took her to the pediatrician.  I hate rashes.

We were fashionably late, as always…and I opted out of Lorelei wearing any socks with her slip on shoes because dude, it’s practically spring.  I did make her wear her jacket though.  Oh, that and it would have taken at least 30 minutes to find matching socks.  Especially if they were supposed to be clean.  So, I convince the 20-something pound toddler that she does NOT in fact need both blankies, 2 stuffed animals, a book, AND her sippy cup and that she can just pick one – and I whisked her out of the SUV and into the hospital before she could think to even scream in protest (which would have taken another 30 minutes ANDDUDEIJUSTCOULDNTHANDLETHATRIGHTTHEN!)

We signed in and underwent something probably comparably to an FBI questionnaire all because it “was a new year” and they had new policies and such.  Mostly, I think they wanted to keep tabs and make sure I hadn’t gone off and moved on them just in case they thought some purple gloves or cotton balls had gone missing.  I’m not really sure.  But, they pretty much gave me the death stare, so I figured I’d fill it out.  While standing, holding a purse, and trying to fit my cards back in my wallet.  And while holding a toddler (who weighs a third of my pregnancy weight ) tried to wriggle free.  GOOD TIMES.

We found a little spot on a vinyl sofa in the “sick room” and hunkered down as I tried to make us real small and not touch anything.  What I really wanted to do was run out to the SUV and grab some trash bags and make ourselves a little tent as everyone coughed and sneezed and oozed all over the place.  I’m allowed to pretty much take tylenol during this pregnancy, and whatever it is that YOU have, I don’t think Tylenol will cover, yo.  So, quit scooting closer to me.  Mmk?  I managed to keep Lorelei in my lap with the contents of my purse (see, that’s why I keep it bulging at the seams!) until we were called back.

As we waited for the doctor, Lorelei decided it’d be best if she stripped.  Luckily, I managed to get her to keep all but her shoes on – it fell in my favor that she does not know how to un-snap buttons yet.  Finally the nurse came and asked me 80 questions and confirmed everything I had already figured out.  Probably not strep/scarlet fever but we’ll test just in case it’s not a “normal presentation” because that rash sure is icky.  And, could be a virus.  Blah blah blah.

Then, there was the …

“Oh my gosh.  You haven’t been in since last April.”

That sounded about right, so I nodded.

And then there was the…. “OHMIGOSH!  SINCE APRIL!”

Wow, these people are bright.  So, I explained that I don’t really see a need to go to the doctor unless she’s sick…and she’s not really been sick.  Therefore, we haven’t been in.  But, apparently she didn’t agree because that also meant we missed the extremely important parts of the well child check up like weighing and measuring (because we don’t vaccinate, so they don’t do that) – and I’m OBVIOUSLY not qualified to weigh or measure her and type the numbers in online.  I’m JUST her mother, for God’s sake!

About a month, I mean hour, later – the doctor came in.  Steven had just made an appearance and was having fun seeing how close he could bring me from the brink of cardiac arrest and back by letting Lorelei roll around on the exam table and run from end to end.

The doctor looked at Lorelei, and then had her lay down while he looked her over (presumably just in case she’d had any alien parts surgically attached since we were last there) while Lorelei’s face crumpled up and she reached for daddy.  I would’ve cried too if some square-headed man poked and prodded me with chubby fingers and kept mispronouncing my name as LOR A LEE.  It’s LOR A LIE, you noted it already a dozen times in her chart, plus it’s what we’ve been calling her since you walked through the door.

He asks some questions, all quiet-like, and instead of asking me (who brought the child in), he directs his questions to Steven.  Steven shrugs and looks at me.  I answer the questions.  We play this game for about 10 minutes.  Then, he stands up and wipes his hands on his little white coat and I step in to ask him what his diagnosis is.

“It appears to be an infection of the sinuses.”

“A sinus infection?”

“No.  She doesn’t have sinuses yet.  But, you wouldn’t know how to diagnose it, so as far as YOU are concerned…sure, it’s a sinus infection.”

(Insert me mentally punching him in his eye sockets here.)  “Okay…so the rash is from this, too?”

“Uuuuh.  Well.  *mumble mumble mumble*  It could be from strep but we don’t know and I could put her through the tests but I’d rather just treat this first.”

“The nurse already did a strep test, did it come back inconclusive?”

“Oh she did?  Well how about that.  It should be back any minute.”

“Did her ears look okay?”

“I couldn’t really tell.  There was a lot of wax and I could have dug it out but her overall presentation didn’t look bad enough for me to put her through that.”

I agreed and listened to him drone on for the 3rd time about how we could use just a dab of olive oil before bedtime and blahblahblah.

He leaves the room and I am still not sure what the final diagnosis actually is.  He pokes his head in a moment later to tell me the strep test came back negative.

Then, the nurse comes in with a prescription and hopefully the actual diagnosis.  He’s calling it a viral infection and he’s giving her a decongestant/antihistamine and some antibiotics.

Excuse me, what?

Antibiotics?  For what?  You really miss us that much that you’d give my child an antibiotic for a VIRAL infection just so you could see her more once it’s depleted her immune system for no good reason?  OH WONDERFUL.

We filled the prescriptions anyhow, after much debate (which was me debating with myself) and I decided to give Lorelei 3 days to improve and then I MIGHT break out the amoxicillin.  But, until then, I’d use the other medicine.  I open the paper that accompanied the prescription and the first line reads:

ANTIBIOTICS ARE NOT TO BE USED FOR VIRAL INFECTIONS.  THEY HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN TO HELP AND CAN CAUSE UNNECESSARY STRAIN ON THE IMMUNE SYSTEM, RESULTING IN ….

Take that, doctor square head.

And, just because I tend to doubt myself a lot…I decided to call the office the next morning to make SURE I hadn’t misheard the diagnosis…to make sure he hadn’t said or meant to say BACTERIAL infection instead.  So, I call and they pull out the chart.

“What did you say you thought she had?” the nurse said, sounding confused.  “Because in here, it says she has a SINUS infection and EAR infection.”

“Does it say anything about a broken arm or that we should come back for a tonsillectomy next week, too?”

“What?”

“Nothing.  Thanks.”

Turns out, my daughter has no sinuses and they got infected.  Also, her pediatrician is super smart and psychic and used his mind powers to figure out she had an ear infection because he couldn’t see inside them.

In other news, we are looking for a new pediatrician.

I really shouldn’t be surprised since I write half-assed pregnancy updates every week on here, and yet I find myself looking at the calendar jumping up and down. 30 weeks! I’m in the big leagues, now! Here come the days of exciting 4-D ultrasounds and the power to make people sweat at will (Was that just a contraction? Oooooh! Just kidding.) But, then…OHMYFREAKINGHECK! 30 weeks! So much left to do!

I haven’t even started on my list of things that need to be bought or accomplished before Aurora is born. – I haven’t even made the list, yet!

And soon, we’ll be expected to throw a birthday party for Lorelei (who will be 2) or else possibly face neglect charges. I recently received a catalog in the mail from the goofs at some party company – chock full of FIRST birthday products and supplies (sometimes “better late than never” doesn’t really apply, folks), and she’s been faithfully carrying the thing around, pointing and oohing. I’ve asked her what kind of party she’d like, but to no avail. I know she’s capable of forming short phrases (when she wants something), so I can only assume she’s deliberately not telling me because she wants me to GUESS.

Google suggested I go with her interests and do something like pay people to bring a bunch of smelly animals to poop in my yard just for the sake of being a good mommy. Then, google changed its mind and thought it’d be more appropriate if we bought party plates and decor with character’s faces on them. But, since she has no idea who Dora or Elmo really is, I’m wondering if the leftover Santa plates from Christmas will do?

Someone else suggested I just make a theme of my own – you know – be creative and stuff – around what SHE likes.

Well, she gets excited about showers but I’m pretty sure that’d be a mildly inappropriate theme.

And, the kid does love shoes – especially other people’s – so maybe we’ll just invite a bunch of folks over and let her steal their shoes?

Oh. And, babies! She owns no less than twenty baby dolls (seriously.) and is OBSESSED with babies, to put it mildly. Baby shows, baby books, baby pictures, baby dolls, baby this and baby that. I started making notes…

We could have a baby theme! I bet I could rip down a few health department banners and use those as the decor. And ooh – we could invite real live babies. We could sit them in a circle and it’d be like her own version of a petting zoo (Aww wook at da cuuuute babiiiieeesss!)

And, then it hit me. Pure genius that I am, decided that since Aurora would be born shortly after Lorelei turned 2, we could have a combo party. Like, a “Oh my gosh, you’re 2!” party and a “Let me pinch your newborn cheeks” party – combined! Genius! Homemade Cake and homemade ice cream…maybe even cookies. It’d be warmer out and we could bring out the 80 riding toys and outdoor toys we own and just let the kids play outside, which is what she likes to do anyhow. Dude. This would be perfect! She’d be getting, gifts too so we don’t have to worry about jealousy over any “baby” gifts.

I quit scribbling notes for a moment about cake flavors and such and looked up to find her holding one of her baby dolls – and a spatula – bringing the spatula from the baby and to her mouth, then back again, in an odd movement like…

IS SHE EATING THE BABY?

“Hey Steven? Do you think it’d be considered poor “personal taste” by our guests if we throw in a baby shaped cake and pinata?”

“Probably.”

(*PS – No new pregnancy changes. Except you can totally tell I’m pregnant and I finally uploaded a dang picture. Oh, and the headaches this week. And, body aches. I think I’m dying. Someone please hand me a cupcake.)

I swear I’ll get back to posting on my own blog really soon.  I’m just waiting for a certain mysterious man to get home to take my picture because I’m feeling like my blog is lacking in the visual department.

For now, though…check out my latest writing, here.

Mmkay?

The storms still brew around me, threatening to turn my life upside-down in one fell swoop – changing my life the way I know it.  I can see the clouds outside my window as they circle around, and yet I try to focus on the beauty still in my life – it matters not that some of it is only cosmetic and could be blown over with the slightest wind.  It’s what I have to hold on to, and so I grasp it all with both hands, pulling it close to me.

This is one of the most hard and trying times of my life – it is also one of the most beautiful times.  I reached a crossroads and I made a decision – lots of them, actually.  I closed my eyes, I jumped.  I hoped for the best.  I prayed for strength and the will to navigate my way through thorny brush.  But, I still cannot see the end.

I could write about my bruised and broken heart, or how some days I want to do nothing more than raise my torn, white flag and walk away.  I could write about the days that I am filled with such hope and renewed promise.  But, neither would give you the complete picture – a true image of my life and soul – because right now, I am going through one of the hardest and most joyful times of my life – a time full of tears, miracles, lessons, and discovery.  So, the best I can do right now is to record glimpses of this journey – glimpses of the pain and joy, alike.  Glimpses of the lessons I’ve learned or things I’ve discovered – not because I feel I am qualified to “teach,” but in an attempt to record this journey.

And, while this is my journal of sorts, I have reached a point where I am (for the time being) unable to write explicit details about some of the biggest things that I NEED to write about – because, quite frankly, I’m still trying to sort it out.  I’ve done everything I can do and now I must wait and pray.  I’m choosing to take each day one at a time, and I’m choosing to change the things in my life that I actually have control over (like my home, projects, and self) as I wait to see what will come of the things I have no control of – the things that will decide some of the biggest factors of my life in quite possibly some of the most devastating ways.  I am learning that I cannot rely on the glimmers of hope to portray anything larger for quite some time, I’m learning that for now, things are just what they are and that by attaching anything more to that could be setting myself up for further failure.

I know that if I just keep walking, that I will eventually reach a clearing.  I know that this path may wind and require more strength than I ever knew I had, but I have faith that clear blue skies and vibrant rainbows lay ahead.

This is for my friend Erin, who googles when in doubt what to fix for supper. This is our 2 week meal plan (which included this past week, and in no particular order):

1. Huck’s Chill (I keep spelling it different)

2. Chicken A La King

3. Buffalo Chicken Wraps

4. Chicken Enchiladas

5. Chicken Crescent Rolls

6. Chicken Pot Pie

7. Pan-grilled chicken w/ mushrooms and brown rice

8. Spaghetti

9. Fettuccine Alfredo (with spicy noodles)

10. Bertolli Pasta Dinner (in a bag)

11. Freschetta Pizza

12. Stouffer’s Frozen Lasagna

13. Chicken Tetrazzini

14. Spinach Lasagna

And, those should last way more than a week since we’ve added fresh salads in the mix – and I’ve already frozen a few dinners worth of leftovers. I may add more links to this later with recipes, but if you want a recipe – just let me know in comments!

And yes…this menu has a LOT of chicken.  We know.

Today I’m guest posting over here.  Will you please go check it out and tell me what you think (about the post, preferably – unless of course you want to tell me how much I rock.  Then fine.  I won’t stop you.)??

Sometimes, realizations suck. Especially the sort that make your ears burn as your realize that you’ve made some really bad decisions.

Food in America is huge – I mean, it’s like an obsession really. We have grocery stores, fast food, not-as-fast food, expensive restaurants, food parties, food television shows and networks, food blogs, food this and food that —and then we also have tons of things like groups and programs and gyms and nutritionists that deal with FOOD FOOD FOOD. So, for a bunch of FOOD obsessed Americans, why is it that we seem to pay less attention to what goes in our mouths and bodies? How is that, exactly?

Let’s be clear, though – I’m just as guilty as any one, so if there’s any finger pointing it’d be at myself. Nonetheless, I find it sickening that we as Americans would be more willing to invest in a big screen TV than organic, pesticide-free fresh produce and quality antibiotic-free meats.

I GET it when your finances look like you can barely budge – much less make a switch to organics. DUDE, I GET THAT. I get that we live in a world where the bill collectors really couldn’t give a left foot if your family was able to eat adequate groceries. I GET that WIC in most states still doesn’t give organic or equally nutritious foods, but instead overly processed crap. Trust me, I’ve been there and done that – and I GET it all. But, where do we draw the line?

We go through the McD drive through and buy a round of burgers off of the dollar menu and feel JUSTIFIED because hey, it only cost a dollar. We walk through the produce aisle and skip over the organics that cost a dollar more and then we skip produce all together because Chef Boyardee is on sale for 10 for 10 dollars. We grab blue cardboard boxes of cereal because they promise to give our children extra vitamin C or fiber (probably in forms that won’t even digest in their systems because they aren’t natural) and we BELIEVE them. We stock up on juices with the main ingredients as water and sugars (going by many names these days), and we don’t bat an eyelash.

And then we wonder why we are so tired. Why our kids keep getting sick. Why our jeans won’t fit no matter how little we’ve been eating. Why we feel achey and why we wish we could bury ourselves beneath the covers on most days. Why we feel defeated before we even begin our day.

We wonder these things as we spoon in another mouthful of overly processed food.

But, when will it occur to us that you get what you pay for?

When will it occur to us that when you put crap IN your body, it shows. It manifests. In a million different ways.

Scientists have already shown us – proven to us – that half the junk we shove our faces with causes diabetes, cancers, depression, cardiovascular, and joint problems. We still don’t listen.

Families, School boards, hospitals – they all want to cut corners when it comes to cost – especially on food. But, what if we were discussing an un-safe vehicle, or hazardous fumes – would we cut corners then?

We try to economize everything – we may insist that we’re being economical with clothing purchases, but we’d rather be kicked in the head than wear something unfashionable. We’d rather look “cool” or “hip” or “cute” than fill our bodies with healthy nutrients. We insist we can’t afford the extra cost of organics, and yet we’re unwilling to give up the paper towels, styrofoam, plastics, and bottled water. We complain about our health but guffaw at the thought of buying locally grown produce or *gasp* growing it ourselves.

And in the end? Most of us will pay more in medical bills to FIX the problems that could’ve been avoided.