23 weeks – almost halfway there…well, actually more than half.  Yet, I don’t even FEEL pregnant.  I mean, you know, besides the acrobats going on inside and the fact that I only have one bra that fits because I got tired of having to replace one after the other due to the boobage.  Not that I’m complaining, except I am because all of this major FAST growth (2 cup sizes in ONE month?) makes for itchy stretched skin that will most definitely not be cool even post baby once it takes the form of stretch marks and…extra skin…*gag*.  Or, maybe I’ll be lucky like the people who actually had a boob job claim that they kept the boob growth AND went back to their skinny selves after pregnancy.  Mmhmm.

Yesterday was actually the day that marked the end of my 23 weeks, but the internet hated me and won so I’m a bit late on posting the thrilling updates.  I knew you guys were holding onto your seats, just waiting to read all about them, and who am I to deprive you?  Right.

I’m pretty sure the universe has this mark on my head right now – from the entire cup of my own sample pee I almost completely (by accident, I’m not into that sort of stuff, yo) splashed all down the front of me to the car I was riding in almost completely stopping in front of oncoming traffic to kill us all.  Yes, I most definitely have a mark on my head.

In the very good news department, I totally have my bladder trained.  Seriously.  I walk into the doctor office and suddenly have to pee – which is perfect, actually for all of those pee samples.  And, wouldn’t you know, it’s just enough to fill the cup.  Dang, I’m good.  I’m still a bit curious as to why they won’t let me go pee and THEN get my weight, though.  But, as it is – pee and all- I weighed in at 103.8 lbs.  So, I’ve gained like 12 lbs already?  Or something.  My doctor is thrilled with the numbers though since I was actually VERY underweight in a not-on-purpose sort of way when I conceived Aurora, and 105 is actually what I’m supposed to be sans baby, so the experts say.  I was pretty excited to know that in the past month I only gained one pound!  I’ve been eating as I get hungry and am a bit reluctant to say that my sweet tooth remains intact so I was really surprised by the gain of only one pound.  This kiddo is SOOO coming out with brownies for hair or something, I just don’t know how else she’s metabolizing all of that sugar!

I’m still itchy, like REALLY itchy – but not the OMG GETMYSKINOFFOFME! sort of way anymore.  And, now it’s mostly my scalp, face (outer edges and eyebrows), tummy and chest.  Mostly.  And, then I have these two little circles that have popped up.  They’re red and really weird.  One is on my knee and the other on my tummy…the one on my tummy seriously almost looks like ringworm (the inside redness went away and left a ring) but it goes from being distinct to not at all…yet my doctor isn’t convinced it’s much of anything so we wait.  It doesn’t really do any tricks and it doesn’t hurt or itch or make my head spin, so I guess it’s okay.  I’m FINALLY getting over this respiratory junk I had – I really don’t think it was pregnancy related though as Lorelei and …oh, my entire family had it…but thought I’d mention it anyhow since I had some resp. issues when pregnant with Lorelei around this time frame.  I was hoping to be able to check that off the list of things to look forward to with this baby, but I probably am not that lucky.

I’ve been eating really well and have been able to take and remember to take prenatal vitamins – 4 a freakin day according to the label (NewChapter Prenatal Vitamins – they’re actually great).  Oh, yay.  It’s nice to be able to eat as much as I need to and not trying to conform to portion sizes or 3 meals a day has REALLY helped my body compared to a month ago when I couldn’t even function past 3 pm when my sugar would get WAY too low and land me back in bed.  Things are pretty much great with this pregnancy right now, but it’s so so different.  There’s just not this big excitement this time like there was last time -  no shopping for baby things, no planning for nursery decor, and no planning for parties since it’s our second baby.   It’s almost got me looking forward to the light non-hurting contractions just so I’ll FEEL pregnant again, this inability to PLAN anything has really got me – it’s like my calling…or maybe just a symptom of my crazy.  Bygones.

Welcome back!

This giveaway is sponsored, and unlike my other giveaways, anyone who meets the criteria for this giveaway automatically “wins” $100.

A few months ago, my husband and I had new windows put in our home by a company called Windows USA – I could tell you how awesome they are and how much I love them and what I love about them, but I won’t (unless you ask me to, of course) as I’m not in the business of selling windows.

However, Windows USA has this awesome affiliate program where their customers can refer their products to other consumers – and, instead of paying for extensive advertising, Windows USA pays both the referrer (ME) and the prospective consumer (YOU) just for listening to their one-hour window presentation.

So, get that?  $100 to simply LISTEN to a presentation about windows and with NO STRINGS ATTACHED.  Meaning after your one hour presentation, you can collect your money and simply walk away – windows or not.

To get in on this, just leave me a comment letting me know you’re interested and I’ll contact you and get you signed up – but, first you need to make sure you’re eligible:

-You MUST live in the United States
-You MUST own your own home

So, what would you do with an extra one-hundred dollars?

So it’s January, and I’ve decided to begin the Craft Challenge a little early since it’s the first one. The deadline date will remain the same, but I’m moving the start date up by 2 days (was January 4th), so you have plenty of time to craft! To read the introduction post, click here.

Here’s the theme/challenge:

January 2-10: Theme – “Envelopes” – You can use envelopes in this craft, construct a creative envelope, depict an envelope, etc. Use your imagination… (You ARE allowed to use other materials besides envelopes.)

It’s pretty basic and loose so you can use your own genius to spin this in countless ways, no matter what your “craft” is – and it doesn’t have to be conventional.

To participate, please just write a post BY January 10th (2009), and leave the direct URL to that post in the MR. Linky below.

Then, after Jan 10th, people will have free range to vote on their favorites. The prize? A pretty little graphic award (to be shown later) and complete bragging rights. (We’ll have bigger prizes as the contests progress, later on…) As an added bonus, you get to see all sorts of other creative geniuses online and check out their awesome ideas! If you want to be really awesome, go ahead and post a “how to” or tutorial with your submission on your site.

Want to participate but don’t have your own website or blog? No problemo! Just leave me a comment, letting me know and I’ll tell you how to submit it via email. I’ve got ya covered!

Okay…ready? Set. Go!

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Heads Up! Next Theme (coming soon…):

January 11-17: Theme – “Tiny” – The only real guideline really would be the theme word itself..TINY. So, just make it tiny.

My thoughts lately have been all over the place – a swirling gust of feelings and emotions of total extremes, the kind that even words just don’t seem to explain right.  The kind that haunt your soul and make you (or me) feel like you’re nothing but a drowning corpse in your own murky emotions.  But, let me try.

Dirty Laundry

I began my blog last year to be a journal of sorts – not necessarily one chock full of my most private demons, but something to document my daily going-ons with my friends and family – kind of like a VERY extended end-of-the-year family letter all. year. long.  After countless “was that last post about me” inquiries, I began to change my focus, pointing things toward my daughter, crafts, and recipes – everybody likes recipes.

But, that didn’t work either.  Not for me, anyhow.  My soul and head began to twitch, I had begun writing again and I couldn’t stop.  I wouldn’t let myself.  Not again.  And so, I declared that Bosssanders was back and 100% real.  While it’s true that I don’t post EVERYTHING (there are just some things I keep private, and others just best left unsaid), I’ve still been accused of “airing (my) dirty laundry.”

I’m sorry…what?

I promised to be real, and I intend to – I can’t see the purpose in living my life as anything else but real, I don’t see the purpose of the fake smiles and pretending life is always grand.  Because it isn’t.  For anyone.  So, when I talk about my life and things become a little less glitter and rainbows, it’s not me airing my dirty laundry because nothing has really changed…this is still my life, and it’s still real.  Life is beautiful – both the good and bad.  The bad and trying times not only help you appreciate the better times but they also shape you into the person you need to be – and, it’s both the good and bad that make life beautiful.  Both.  I refuse to pretend my life only consists of one, I refuse to not write about the things I feel strongly about.

This IS me.  And, nothing about it is “dirty”.

Focus.

Today, I believe I finally caught and deciphered some of the thoughts and emotions that had whirling inside my head like mad demons.  I still don’t know which way is up, or what the right thing to do is but I’ve made some sense out of the things inside.

First:  I have no issue with forgiving past wrongs.  But, I’ve been driving myself mad trying to figure out a way to play fortune-teller.  Going home could be so easy if I just knew the betrayal and lies would stay in the past.  If I knew the promises would be kept.  If I thought I was anything more than just an accessory in his life, something HE thought was worth fighting FOR.  But, I don’t know any of that.  I don’t know how to even begin to know those things.

Second:  I’m terrified.  It took some major guts for me to stand up.  For myself.  To act – to leave.  And now that I’m out, I’m not in a huge hurry to easily walk back, to drag my daughter back and forth, just to find myself in the exact same situation a month later…

Third:  I’m not breaking up my marriage.  I’m not destroying my daughter’s life.  The damage has already been done – time and time again, and it wasn’t by me.  If staying meant I would no longer have to feel guarded in my very own sanctuary (my home), if it meant I wouldn’t have to constantly wonder where or how the next blow (not physical) would be delivered…then my decision would be easy.  If I knew things would change.  I believe my life is worth more than to have it trampled and disrespected and betrayed, and I believe that if it should come down to it, my daughter would be just fine.  I firmly believe that my daughter(s) would be much better off in a home where their mother could teach them about respect, how a man should treat them, what a marriage should be, about honesty, about responsibility…and for them to SEE those things modeled.  What kind of a mother and teacher can I be to my children if I teach them one thing but put them in a situation where the reverse is being modeled?  I have fought for this marriage for an incredible amount of time, I have fought with everything I had and have, but dissolving this marriage is NOT the same as taking a father away from my children.

Fourth:  I still don’t have an effing clue what the best choice is for me and I’m so scared to make the wrong decision.  If only I could just KNOW…

“Walk a mile in my shoes
just walk a mile in my shoes
Before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Then walk a mile in my shoes”

-by Joe South (made famous by Elvis Presley)

I’ve never pretended to be the only one hurting – the only one going through a tough situation, or even one like this, but for someone to tell me they’ve BEEN in my exact shoes before…that’s nuts.

But, only because you haven’t even seen my shoes, and you don’t know the path I walk.

You have an idea, but just because you know I may be wearing flats – you don’t know the condition they’re in or the terrain I’m trudging through…