I have almost nothing to say.

Well, I do – my brain just doesn’t feel like being coherent, so forgive me if I jump around a bit.  OBVIOUSLY, metaphorically seeing as how it’s going to take some major willpower just to remove myself from this recliner.

Besides having mush for a brain, I feel like I’ve accomplished almost nothing.  I’ve taken on a couple of larger tasks and it’s making my goal-crossing-off brain spin in circles inside my skull.  It’s amazing how much more I feel I’ve accomplished after a day of doing nothing but folding socks and washing dishes and creating things – compared to taking on a new subject in homeschooling (or wrangling, if you please) a toddler and trying to write a novel all. at. once.  At the end of today, and almost 4,000 words later, I feel like I’ve done almost nothing.  I have, of course, but it doesn’t FEEL that way.  My novel has a long, long way to go and nothing was really crossed off “my list” for today – Heck, I didn’t even MAKE a list today.

I used to laugh at the writers who would get cabins or hotel rooms in the middle of nowhere – I thought it was a total waste of money and didn’t understand why they’d pay money to go somewhere to do something so boring as COMPLETELY RELAX and write with no distractions.  I’m not really laughing anymore.  Actually, I’m not even giggling because I’d so do it right now.

I’m not even sure how I had the brilliant idea to write a novel, I can barely keep 1,000 words coherent, much less approximately 50,000 which is the average length of a soft-covered novel.  Oh yeh I do, mom asked me to.  In high school, I struggled to write SHORT STORIES and would get so bored with my own stories, but now I’m attempting to write a 200 page novel?  Something must be wrong with me.  That, and I really love my mom.  And, I’m probably a little bit crazy.

So, excuse me while I do a little dance and brag about how I just made it 8,400 words because DUDE, THIS IS PRETTY BIG FOR ME.  But, I put it in my New Year’s Resolutions, so I’m going to do it.  I don’t have a problem with changing goals as *I* change, but changing this one would have nothing to do with me changing and growing and everything to do with being lazy and oh yeh, giving up.  I’m not really a quitter.  So, yay.  8,400 words out of 50,000, which is less than 1/5 of the way but more than 1/10.

Speaking of resolutions, I had this BRILLIANT idea that I’d do a craft a week and it’d be this cool contest and yeh.  I’m a loser and nobody but my mommy wants to do it with me.  And, as much as I love my mom, I think this is going to be one of those *growth, goal changing* type of things because a challenge is really no fun when nobody else comes to play.  Heck, nobody is even pretending to be interested at this point or asking for it to be every 2 weeks or requesting themes, so I think I’ll just drop this challenge unless my sad pitifulness makes you feel sorry for me and sign up.  Don’t worry, I won’t hold my breath.  I’m not really THAT sad about it.  Besides, crafting on a weekly basis means I have to do quick, cheap crafts and if I craft with no set deadlines, i can do more involved ones which can end up being so much cooler.  Not that I have a problem with quick crafts…I just run out of ideas that I don’t have to blame Lorelei on the outcome because they SO look like a preschooler made them.

Due to my glutton for punishment sort of nature, I’ve also decided to change up homeschool a bit.  As of today, we are working on the alphabet.  The initial idea was to introduce one letter per week and make a huge hooplah about it.  By the end of each week, my hopes were that Lorelei would be able to recognize a letter by what it’s called AND pick it out of a grouping of other letters.  (Remember, she’s 21 months old.)  I have no grand expectations of her reading Moby Dick or even being able to associate A with apple.  Actually, I wasn’t even sure she’d be able to pick up the letter “A” by this Sunday.  But, then she did.  Today, she learned to recognize and say “A”.  And, she learned “B.”  All in one day.  I’m not proud or anything, and definitely am not bragging but okayshutup.  Unfortunately, my bragging will probably be limited to online because she thinks it’s funny to show mommy up and does not like to be my performing monkey.  Actually, she does that with almost ALL of her language around new people until she really gets used to them, and occasionally she just outright ignores me.  I’d be offended but she gets it honest (not from me, thankyouverymuch).

Since I’ve already made this one big mess of a hodge podge post, I’ll go ahead and throw in that INDIGESTION sucks and I totally have that and acid reflux – pregnancy induced of course.  So, if you have any baby-safe all natural remedies, please do let me know before I resort to trying to stand while I sleep.  It really does hurt.

Oh, and also…I did finally get back into the Women Are From Venus and Men Are From Mars (or is it Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus?) book.  I had to skim a bit over the parts I remembered, then read what I didn’t, then skim again to where I originally left off and now I’m back to new territory and VERY MUCH enjoying the book.  If any of you have ever wondered why the opposite (or same) sex is so messed up in the head, you should totally read this.  It’s mostly right on, across the board, and doesn’t patronize you or make you feel dumb.  It’s seriously a really cool look at some of the differences in men and women besides the very obvious – and, how to make it all work together.  Just sayin’.  (And, you could SO make it work whether you are dating, married, or want to know why the guys at the office are being such boneheads.)  **Dear Book Publishers, you can send me a check since I just pimped out your book for you.  You are welcome.

And, now?  I’m going to bed.  A girl can only take so much of a fetus dancing on her bladder as flames erupt through her digestive tract and the rest of her body generally feels like it’s been mauled by a train full of brownies that she can’t even eat due to the flames in her throat.  But first, I have homework for you all.  Please write and post (or leave in my comments) your TOP 10 MATERIAL THINGS wishlist.  You can add more things, if you want – and if you want to add experiences or vacations, you have to add that as like number 11 or beyond.  Oh, and Steph, SNOW totally doesn’t count for this one.  There really is a point to this, and I promise to let you know what exactly that is as soon as I figure it out.  Now, DO IT.  okaythanksbye.

Welcome back!

Twenty-four weeks pregnant is what?  – Like, 6 months?  Which, of course, sounds way cooler when you think of a 9 month time span rather than on a 10 month span.  Regardless, I’m a little over halfway and according to some doctors, I just finished my 2nd trimester (according to others, I have a couple more weeks).

I finally found a doula (which I mentioned in a previous post), and she’s really awesome and wonderful and I’m not just saying that because she totally reads my blog.  She really is great, and I look forward to every bit of time I get to spend with her.  While I feel like I’m basically floating around in the rest of my life with no clue as to what will happen next, it’s nice for the control-freak-list-maker inside to know that NO MATTER WHAT I will have my doula present when things begin to get a bit hectic.  That, for me, is HUGE.

I’ve started taking Fish Oil capsules for my dry skin – Okay, actually I’ve taken them ONCE but OH.MY.GOSH.  GROSS.  You know that nasty fishy tasting muck?  Imagine burping it up all day.  And night.  MMMM.  Yum.  I skipped yesterday, but today I think I’ll try them again…although I’m not looking forward to it.  Then, of course I decide to use my BFF Google to search “Are fish oil capsules supposed to make you burp?” and found a little nugget of information that suggested that only rancid fish oils make you burp.  I have doubts that my favorite health food store would sell me a brand that uses rancid oils, but the thought as I choke down the pills is enough for my body to immediately want to refuse the pill.  It’s only the thought of having normal skin again that keeps me even considering it (since I haven’t actually taken another yet).

The baby is quite active these days with actual kicks and punches to my bladder.  Lots of awesome thingsmustbestretching type of cramps and pains and that painful pressure that comes and goes and kind of feels like the times when Lorelei gets these funny notions to stand on my belly because it obviously looks FUN!

Now, to switch to Lorelei – who is doing wonderfully and continues to amaze me on a daily basis with things she’s picked up.  She’s going through a bit of food refusal over the past few days and I’m not sure if her tummy hurts or if it’s just another stage.  One of her newest favorites for playtime has become “coloring” in her books and right now we’re working on learning which books she’s allowed to color in and which she’s not.  She’s also been learning and practicing some basic manner signs and has been doing great with those.  Occasionally she’ll form phrases that totally surprise me because for the most part she tends to stick with the same words which sometimes makes me wonder if she’s behind on language (although she admittedly talks more around people she knows very well).  Small tantrums are becoming more frequent, especially when she’s tired or frustrated.  Sharing is…different.  She has begun requiring others to sign or say “please” sometimes before she’ll hand the object over, which doesn’t always go over well when people don’t expect it.  Then, of course, she’s started “testing” a bit more but tends to pay attention when we take on a serious tone and use more than just one of her names.

Today, we thinned out her toys in the Living Room so she can actually see what she has – I’m hoping that she’ll be able to play more effectively with them now and perhaps it’ll take care of some of the frustration-related temper tantrums that have begun.

I was just tagged for another meme, this time by Jen. I’d whine but secretly I kind of like the question ones – so, here you go:

CURRENTS

Current Book:

Supposedly, I’m supposed to be reading Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars but since I’m trying to pick up where I left off MONTHS ago (after taking a hiatus from nonfiction), I just can’t get into it. Perhaps it’s because I’ve read the pages I’m trying to re-read so I already kind of know what it’s saying and yet I don’t feel comfortable enough just skipping ahead because it’s been so long! That – and I totally already moved my bookmark. Or, maybe it’s because I am feeling like everything is kind of at a standstill in my life – at least until the counseling starts. Then again, maybe I should just cut myself some slack – I DO have a toddler and AM trying to start like a bajillion other things all at once (because I am obviously masochistic in a list-writing-goal-setting sort of way).

Current Play List:

I don’t even know where my ipod is. At home, most likely. So…yeh. Me and music haven’t been too close lately…which stinks because I really really like music. To be honest, by the time I get around to not having someone need my ear for SOMETHING…I’m already halfway to dreamland. Now that I think of it, a night at the coffee shop listening to a local artist sounds like fun… Heck, even sitting in a dark room with music sounds fun at this point. I need a serious break.

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure:

Currently, I am not experiencing anything of the sort lol. But, if I were to close my eyes and imagine… I’d be at the spa for a day getting some sort of wrap treatment that will help my once-oily skin go back to being something other than claw-scratching dryness, and I’d be getting a facial, and a massage. And, some nice little healthy but yummy lunch AND dessert. Because it’s my weakness. If you really want me to be in ecstasy, send me to a warm beach for all of this to happen on/by/in proximity to.

Right. Now I’m going to go turn the little heater on and methodically spritz myself in the face with a water bottle and pretend I’m actually sitting on the sand somewhere.

Current Color:

Raspberry Pink. It’s totally a color. It’s my favorite.

Current Passion(s):

Life (in general). My daughters. Listening (this doesn’t mean being bossed around, I mean just being open to hear the tiniest things around me). Chocolate and strawberries and cherries because um, yeh. Photography, I really need to get back up on that horse. And, my novel. And, other writing. Lorelei’s homeschool lessons (she just learned “you’re welcome” and “I love you” in sign language. Well, actually we improvised the signs for her little hands but she has them down now!). Cooking new things…which also happen to be healthy AND yummy.

Current Drink:

I’m currently not drinking anything. (I think I’m doing horrid on this meme so far. I’m pretty much not DOING ANYTHING except being in pain but I’m pretty sure you won’t be asking about pregnancy back cramps later on, so I’ll just whine a bit now. K…I’m done). But if I WERE drinking something it’d most likely be water. Or cran-grape juice or raspberry tea if we had either of those. Mostly water, though.

Current Food:

Okay. You got me. I’m pretty much always eating now. I just ate some soup my Grams threw together. I’m not really sure what all was in it but a bit of meat, canned tomato juice, pasta shells, cabbage and potatoes.. The woman could make brown muck appetizing – she’s good. Before that, I had Chicken A La King over Sourdough Toast which was leftovers I’d made (not the toast). If you are wanting to know my current favorite food…ummm…I’d name a dessert because I just ate. Mmm chocolate.

Current Wish List:

1. A vacation to a warm, sunny beach. Although, now that I really think about this I’m not sure I’d actually put a bathing suit on, but perhaps. Okay, with this wish I also wish for a bathing suit that’s cute and well…will fit my new VERY curvy physique. Hah. (Note: Preferably not a nude beach, thanks.)

2. A new pair of jeans from Pickles and Ice Cream. I got some in my first trimester and they were PERFECT, but the elastic pretty much cuts off circulation now – which might not be much different than other jeans I’ve worn before except I’m pregnant and DUDE it hurts. (I’m lying, I don’t wear jeans that tight EVER. Just shoes that are too big but way cute.) Anyhow, they’re the perfect length and fit awesome and make me feel pretty. Unfortunately they cost like 40 to 60 dollars and Riiiiggghhhttt. That and we’d have to drive two hours away to Nashville just to even try them on, because I have such weird measurements even NOT pregnant.

3. Anything off the “baby list” – it’s a list of things I want REALLY badly. It’s kind of like what you’d put on a baby registry except this is baby #2 and it gets a bit fuzzy as to whether you actually get another shower/party after the first – but it’s all stuff I didn’t even know about with L — like co-sleepers and zip off sheets so I don’t have to try to lift the mattress out of a crib when they’re older, etc.

4. Outings. Play-dates, dinner parties, craft-a-longs, WHATEVER. I just want to laugh and have fun and get. out. of. the. house.

5. A chest freezer. For when I move back or get my new place, whichever happens – so I can be all thrifty and freeze stuff. Like, dinners. Not bodies (you loonies).

6. A car. One that goes vroom and moves and has heat and such. Because I need one. Or, a mechanic who can fix the dead SUV in the driveway would work too but I’d rather have a car that was more dependable.

Current Need:

I could potentially argue that all but #3 are “needs” but that’d make me a liar because I no darn good and well that I could survive on much less that what I already have. Although, I do like my sanity…and being able to have my own transportation is pretty grand.

Current Triumph:

Well, these aren’t necessarily things *I did* but are things I’m celebrating! Last week – I found an awesome doula/new friend who seriously ROCKS and I love. And, I scheduled marriage counseling AND visited a new church (which I really liked). AND, Lorelei learned two new signs and is using them all well!

Current Bane of my Existence:

Coldness. Wetness. Cold Winds. Cold feet (and everything else). –everything else I’ve already whined about, see above.

Current Indulgence:

Food, I guess. And company when I have it. See above for a more in depth listing of things that would make Ashley ecstatic.

Current #1 Blessing:

I have so many. My daughters. My AWESOME family. New friends and my awesome online support network).

Current Slang or Saying:

Is it time for bed yet (for me)?

Current Outfit:

Currently…striped PJ pants and a t-shirt (and I just took a shower). PJs are pretty much what I wear around the house if we’re not going out, which is mostly.

Current Excitement:

Doula. Church. And, my writing which both makes me anxious and excited. Oh, and the possibility that Grams will send over more chocolate pudding (homemade).

Current Mood:

Tired and exhausted through and through. In need of some major relaxation and rejuvenation spiritually, emotionally AND physically.

Current Picture(s):

Lorelei with a mohawk

and this…

a picture I took when we went to Jamaica. It’s my screensaver right now, I REALLY wish I could be laying there right now..just for an afternoon. Or week.

And…you’re tagged, you’re IT!

I agreed to be interviewed by my friend, ZoeyJane, and I’m pretty sure there were rules that went along with this but I’m kind of drawing a blank – so, I’m just going to make some new ones up.

If after reading this, you would like to add a question in my comments – please feel free to ask!  Or, if you’d like your own set of interview questions thought up by the brilliant ME, just say so in comments and I’ll totally ask you something – who knows what, and remember you DID sign up for it.

And, so ZJ wants to know:

1. What do you want to be when you grow up, career-wise? I know what you can do, but what do you want to do?

You know, if I had my choice to do ANYTHING it would be to be a SAHM married to a SAHD with our children and STILL have the money to travel and go on vacations and such.  I don’t want for much, do I?  Other than that, I think it’d be AWESOME to be PAID to travel and review luxury resorts which I get to stay at for FREE.  Um, yeh…but only if I have the option to bring my family along.  Next up would be a writer and SAHM with a backup degree JUST IN CASE because it is really not cool to feel your world collapse around you and feel HELPLESS.

But, with all of that aside, if I were to go back to school RIGHT NOW, I’d finish my degree in psychology.  Psychology is a passion of mine.  Helping others is a passion of mine.  It’s not necessarily my “dream job” in that I know it would be emotionally draining and would take me away from my children more than I’d want to be.

2. Define happily ever after, please.

Heaven?  But here – not literally.  For me, happily ever after was always the dreams I had of what my life would be like when I grew up – a husband and great marriage, a supportive network of family and friends, children, a nice home and the ability to be comfortable in our lives (not necessarily lavish, but without bill collectors coming at dinner time – without an invitation, too), and even being able to stay at home with our kids.  Of course, not everything happens the way you want, no matter what your dreams are – so AT THIS POINT the term happily ever after would mean the ability to find peace and happiness where I am, no matter where that is.  I’m working on that one.

3. What’s a song what is vitally symbolic for you, right now?

Probably Beyonce’s “If I were a boy” – Her song was modeled for a bit of a different scenario, but it reminds me of my life.  It’s like I think about everything that has happened and I keep thinking “if it were me” and how differently I’d have done things, but in the end you have to step back and realize it’s not me, nor did I marry me.  The song also really reminds me of how society in general totally ALLOWS men to get away with so much – there is this horrible view that as long as he doesn’t hit you black and blue in the face, you should pretty much stay (especially in a marriage) and just deal with it.  It’s ridiculous.  I realize that a lot of it is generational, and I DO believe in the sanctity of marriage but at some point you really do have to do what’s best for you and/or your children.  If not for you, then for them – what kind of mother/daughter/friend can you ever hope to be if become nothing but a shell of a person?

There are other songs of course, but most of them I only relate to a fragment of it all.  There is also Sara McLaughlin (sp?) ‘s Angel and Amazing Grace – but those are more of a comfort and peace-finding thing.

4. If you were going to get a tattoo, what would you get and where?

It’s probably weird to most of you that THIS is the hardest question of all of these for me to answer – Ha.  Go figure.  When I was younger (like a few years ago), I thought I’d get a tattoo although I never really decided what or where – probably my lower back or even a tiny one on the back of my neck.  But, I just don’t see me doing it now.  At all.  As a teenager, I struggled with major depression and even cutting just to make all of the internal pain I was feeling into something external – because I KNEW how to deal with external pain.  I felt like I was releasing it and if I didn’t I’d go nuts.  I think tattooing would be like that for me, now – a way to release something, or perhaps as a way to give tribute to something.  But, I already have the scars on the insides of my arms that mark some of the battles I’ve been through.  They’re a daily reminder to me of being raped, betrayed, and left behind – I don’t need ink for that.  I’ve also come to the realization that I’d most likely regret a tattoo soon after getting it – so many things change, I change – this blog will show you that.  It’s not that I’m fickle but I’m learning, I’m growing – and a tattoo is permanent.

I have NOTHING against tattoos in general, I just don’t think they’re for me at all right now.  Besides…I have this major fear of getting something and then getting old and wrinkly and it stretching and getting crazy nasty wrinkles in it.  Not too cute.  I just can’t get out of my head being 90 years old little lady that can barely drive with a big ol wrinkly tattoo on my bum – having to pull back the wrinkles on my cheek just to show you my ink.  *sigh*

5. What one lesson is most important to you, to instill in L and A?

Vaya con Dios.  Go with God.  Wherever it is you find Him, whatever name you choose to call Him, go there.  I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I think it matters less about the religion and more about the spirituality.  And, truly – when you have that level of spirituality everything else that I want them to know will fall into place – like honesty, like trust, like loving others even those that are hard to love, compassion, and all that…

You made me pick only one, but really there are so many things I want to teach my girls – so many things that are important to me, for them.

As a child, I remember being captivated by dollhouses of all sorts – and, it’s really no surprise that I still love them. I remember sitting on the floor, with my dolls and house and their accessories all laid out – then, “Vroooooom!” *CRASH!* *BANG*

My little brother and his army of camo-ed out Ken dolls and dump trucks had apparently heard of a bomb threat and had orders to destroy my little village. Occasionally, my dolls would make it out with more than one arm stuck to their torso. But, rarely.

Back then, there was no Mrs Goodbee Talking Dollhouse…

This dollhouse is the bomb-diggity. I don’t know if they’d actually put that term in their press-releases and commercials, but they really could…because this thing seriously rocks! This is one of those dollhouses that EVERYONE’s going to be talking about because… IT TALKS!

Mrs. Goodbee (the talking dollhouse) has these little buttons all throughout her, and when pushed they each do different things. I really have no clue what she’d say if kid brother (or sister) wrecks into her with a dump truck, but I’m sure whatever it is would be a slight scolding in a very polite way. I do know, however, that the doorbell rings and Mrs. Goodbee welcomes you inside, the toilet flushes, the refrigerator opens and Mrs. Goodbee encourages you to eat your fruits and vegetables…and she even has a turkey and a pie in the oven (Um, when can *I* move in?).

The compactly folded-up house (PERFECT for stowing away under a bed or in a closet when not in use) looks like this (from one side) when you fold it out…

And…that’s just ONE side. Seriously…You have rooms galore with tons of different activities, so there’s no shortage on things to do.

And, my favorite part (Okay, second favorite part)? It comes ASSEMBLED and WITH BATTERIES!!!!

Do you know what this means? (I’ll tell you…) It means no unwrapping and then your child realizing it’ll take YOU 5 hours to put it together AND you forgot the batteries. Nope, none of that with Caring Corners, they’ve totally got your back.

And, in case you still don’t believe me about the awesome factor for this cool little house, check out some of the other features:

• Developed in conjunction with Child Development Expert and Author Dr. Michele Borba
• 400 activities, songs, words and sounds
• Eight “hot spots” where Mrs. Goodbee’s voice gently guides children and responds to what they do
• Twelve large rooms – six on each side — perfect for two children to share
• Comes with Girl doll and Boy doll, dog, reward stickers and online games
• Extends the acts of caring, sharing and preparing for responsibilities from the pretend world into their real world
• Online games at CaringCorners.com that reinforce the dollhouse lessons of caring and sharing
• A “Parent’s Corner” at CaringCorners.com offers helpful advice and ideas for additional ways to help children learn about caring, sharing and preparing for responsibilities
• The Carton of Caring Donation Program partnership with Goodwill Industries
• For children ages 3 and up
• Can be purchased at retailers nationwide, including Wal-Mart, Target and Toys R’ Us

What’s more is we’ve teamed up with Caring Corners and we’re giving one away!

To enter, simply leave a comment here with the following information:
-Who you’d be winning it for and why you MUST win and
-Where in the world are you? (State or Territory if not in the US – We’re curious about how far we’re reaching!)
-(And, as always…be sure you leave a working email in the correct field so we can reach you if you win)

For extra opportunities to win, you can do the following (please let me know in comments if you do any of these so I can award you the extra entries):

-Write a blog post about this giveaway and link back here for 5 extra entries
-Tweet this contest on twitter saying “check out #bosssanders awesome giveaway at http://www.bosssanders.com/2008/12/21/caring-corners-mrs-goodbee-talking-dollhouse/” for 2 extra entries
-Come back and leave a comment a day (one comment per day until contest closing) for 1 extra entry (per comment/per day)

Contest ENDS January 4, 2009 and a winner will be chosen.

The contest has been extended until the end of January, so be sure to sign up!!

If you can’t wait until January 4 of next year to possibly win your own dollhouse, click HERE to buy it now!

This is the announcement where I announce one winner…and, then draw out another contest – mostly because I can.

So here goes:

The winner of the Chicken Soup for the Soul book is: Red Lotus Mama –You totally worked your butt off to get this (thank you!)

Congratulations! – And thanks to everyone for your support in that. Also, I’ve decided to extend the Mrs. Goodbee Caring Corners Dollhouse until the END OF THIS MONTH.

So…go, now and sign up if you haven’t already – okay?

Here’s the link (IT’S MAJOR AWESOMENESS)

I look back through the past year and I’m amazed at how much I’ve changed and grown – and the winding path I took to get where I am. Then, I look at where I stand and can’t help but wonder if I did something so terribly wrong to be standing in what looks like a heap of rubble.

But, then I wonder if perhaps it’s not rubble – but only a collection of incredibly hard but valuable lessons that I’m supposed to be learning and experiences to encourage growth of all involved. Perhaps I just can’t see it for what it is supposed to be because I’m looking at things all the wrong way, from the wrong perspective.

I see the glowing embers of anger, their edges bright and hot and remember all the times certain people have called themselves our family and our friends – how often they’ve told us they’d be there for us and that they supported us, and wonder where exactly it is they are when we seem to need them most. Both of us. I see the flickers of light as I can’t comprehend how they don’t understand that there are no sides in this, that we BOTH need support. Love. And, still they seem to walk away in one way or another.

I see the ashen shards around me that remind me of the messages I’ve seen about changing oneself in a relationship and the resentment seems to rekindle itself, because I know that no matter the changes *I* make, they’ll never truly change the issues we’re having now. I feel like shaking all of those who have pressured me to stay without even considering what that would mean for me – or my girls – in the long run…

I see the broken glass at my feet and my own broken reflection startles me. I’m alone and every decision I make is a weighty one, decisions that could forever impact the lives of not just myself or husband, but my daughters. I can see the fear etched in my face, so afraid of making such a monumental decision and it being the wrong one. Feeling like every decision is forever set in stone with unfathomable consequences.

Or, maybe I’ve been looking at my feet – seeing only shards, rubble, and glass instead of the materials which are meant to shape me into someone else. Better. To teach me lessons.

Maybe I’m supposed to learn to love with unconditional love even those that are the hardest to love – those who if judged by their own set of credentials could even be judged as unworthy of such love. Maybe I’m supposed to remember that in SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE’s eyes – that, perhaps they see me in exactly the same way. Maybe I’m not supposed to be learning to retract myself from such situations that would involve trusting others who have never proven themselves time and time again, but instead learning to love them anyway.

Maybe the changes I’m supposed to be making have nothing (directly) to do with my relationship, but rather as a person – as myself. Perhaps the changes I’m supposed to be making are to help better my own self – so that other areas in my life may be indirectly affected at a time I cannot even begin to comprehend now.

Maybe I’m supposed to worry less about the damage I will unintentionally do and forget what certain others have said. Maybe I’m supposed to focus on doing the best I can and remembering that I’m not the one in control – that these are things I can’t control, but my God can. Maybe I should worry less and have more faith that no matter what happens – whether it’s what *I* (or anyone else, for that matter) thinks is for the best and accept that sometimes even the biggest of blessings can only be reached by the most windy roads.

Maybe it’s not what I’d hoped for, but maybe that’s because I had settled on mediocre when I’m destined for grand.

Here’s the challenge for this week:

January 11-17: Theme – “Tiny” – The only real guideline really would be the theme word itself..TINY. So, just make it tiny.

If you plan on doing it or have any questions, please be sure to leave a comment – and please feel free to play and accept the challenge! The more the merrier – these can be crafts you do solo or with your kids or WHATEVER, and you can use any supplies or mediums you want, pretty much.

Once you have your entry posted on your website or blog, just come back here and leave it in the mr. linky by using the exact html that will lead directly to it! —And, you can do this any day between the 11th and 17 (or 18th, if you need an extra day!)

Here’s my submission for the contest:

Here’s an idea for a neat little book made out of ENVELOPES!

I used a bunch of random envelopes I had of varied designs and sizes and then cut them down so they were smaller but still made a pocket.  Some were sealed and some weren’t, and for the sealed ones, I just cut along the left side and took the mail out, then scaled it down.

Gather your envelopes together and poke your holes and thread any sort of ribbon or string or jute.  And…ta-da!

Extra artwork by Lorelei.

PS – Add tabs, pockets and ribbons for more decoration.

These are great to hold little notes or receipts or coupons – whatever you can think of!  Keep small pieces of paper inside by using colorful (or not) paperclips