I agreed to be interviewed by my friend, ZoeyJane, and I’m pretty sure there were rules that went along with this but I’m kind of drawing a blank – so, I’m just going to make some new ones up.

If after reading this, you would like to add a question in my comments – please feel free to ask!  Or, if you’d like your own set of interview questions thought up by the brilliant ME, just say so in comments and I’ll totally ask you something – who knows what, and remember you DID sign up for it.

And, so ZJ wants to know:

1. What do you want to be when you grow up, career-wise? I know what you can do, but what do you want to do?

You know, if I had my choice to do ANYTHING it would be to be a SAHM married to a SAHD with our children and STILL have the money to travel and go on vacations and such.  I don’t want for much, do I?  Other than that, I think it’d be AWESOME to be PAID to travel and review luxury resorts which I get to stay at for FREE.  Um, yeh…but only if I have the option to bring my family along.  Next up would be a writer and SAHM with a backup degree JUST IN CASE because it is really not cool to feel your world collapse around you and feel HELPLESS.

But, with all of that aside, if I were to go back to school RIGHT NOW, I’d finish my degree in psychology.  Psychology is a passion of mine.  Helping others is a passion of mine.  It’s not necessarily my “dream job” in that I know it would be emotionally draining and would take me away from my children more than I’d want to be.

2. Define happily ever after, please.

Heaven?  But here – not literally.  For me, happily ever after was always the dreams I had of what my life would be like when I grew up – a husband and great marriage, a supportive network of family and friends, children, a nice home and the ability to be comfortable in our lives (not necessarily lavish, but without bill collectors coming at dinner time – without an invitation, too), and even being able to stay at home with our kids.  Of course, not everything happens the way you want, no matter what your dreams are – so AT THIS POINT the term happily ever after would mean the ability to find peace and happiness where I am, no matter where that is.  I’m working on that one.

3. What’s a song what is vitally symbolic for you, right now?

Probably Beyonce’s “If I were a boy” – Her song was modeled for a bit of a different scenario, but it reminds me of my life.  It’s like I think about everything that has happened and I keep thinking “if it were me” and how differently I’d have done things, but in the end you have to step back and realize it’s not me, nor did I marry me.  The song also really reminds me of how society in general totally ALLOWS men to get away with so much – there is this horrible view that as long as he doesn’t hit you black and blue in the face, you should pretty much stay (especially in a marriage) and just deal with it.  It’s ridiculous.  I realize that a lot of it is generational, and I DO believe in the sanctity of marriage but at some point you really do have to do what’s best for you and/or your children.  If not for you, then for them – what kind of mother/daughter/friend can you ever hope to be if become nothing but a shell of a person?

There are other songs of course, but most of them I only relate to a fragment of it all.  There is also Sara McLaughlin (sp?) ‘s Angel and Amazing Grace – but those are more of a comfort and peace-finding thing.

4. If you were going to get a tattoo, what would you get and where?

It’s probably weird to most of you that THIS is the hardest question of all of these for me to answer – Ha.  Go figure.  When I was younger (like a few years ago), I thought I’d get a tattoo although I never really decided what or where – probably my lower back or even a tiny one on the back of my neck.  But, I just don’t see me doing it now.  At all.  As a teenager, I struggled with major depression and even cutting just to make all of the internal pain I was feeling into something external – because I KNEW how to deal with external pain.  I felt like I was releasing it and if I didn’t I’d go nuts.  I think tattooing would be like that for me, now – a way to release something, or perhaps as a way to give tribute to something.  But, I already have the scars on the insides of my arms that mark some of the battles I’ve been through.  They’re a daily reminder to me of being raped, betrayed, and left behind – I don’t need ink for that.  I’ve also come to the realization that I’d most likely regret a tattoo soon after getting it – so many things change, I change – this blog will show you that.  It’s not that I’m fickle but I’m learning, I’m growing – and a tattoo is permanent.

I have NOTHING against tattoos in general, I just don’t think they’re for me at all right now.  Besides…I have this major fear of getting something and then getting old and wrinkly and it stretching and getting crazy nasty wrinkles in it.  Not too cute.  I just can’t get out of my head being 90 years old little lady that can barely drive with a big ol wrinkly tattoo on my bum – having to pull back the wrinkles on my cheek just to show you my ink.  *sigh*

5. What one lesson is most important to you, to instill in L and A?

Vaya con Dios.  Go with God.  Wherever it is you find Him, whatever name you choose to call Him, go there.  I know a lot of people will disagree with me, but I think it matters less about the religion and more about the spirituality.  And, truly – when you have that level of spirituality everything else that I want them to know will fall into place – like honesty, like trust, like loving others even those that are hard to love, compassion, and all that…

You made me pick only one, but really there are so many things I want to teach my girls – so many things that are important to me, for them.

Welcome back!