We should all just get something straight, here:  I’m a FREAK.  End of story.

Apparently either my body hates being pregnant or just hates me.  Because although *I* was more than willing to birth up to 5 kids, my body really seems to be beating itself up.

NORMAL PEOPLE?  They get morning sickness…or they don’t.  Some are sicker than others, and some sick all day long, and some are sick for their whole pregnancy.  Some feel a bit pukey all day, while others can barf up their wheaties and then could go straight to work.  Right.  Not this lady.  Nope, this lady’s body puts her on bedrest for a couple of months, with FREQUENT visits to the ER (like seriously, they know me there).  And, after the 3 month mark, THIS lady’s body gets a little better with the whole sicky thing because NOW the plague is over but she has NORMAL morning sickness instead.  You know, where I walk around feeling nauseous and run randomly for trash cans?  I’m 19 weeks pregnant, mind you.

And, then…there’s this itching.  Everyone’s all “Oh just put some shea butter on and it’ll feel all better,” but I must be missing something.  Do I put it on my tongue or something, because putting it in normal places (like my skin) isn’t cutting it.  At all.  When I say I have some extreme itching…I’m talking…imagine you just laid down in a poison ivy patch and rolled around really good.  Pretend you are highly allergic and pretend like the stuff never stops itching.  Imagine not being able to sleep through the night without waking up from said itching.  Imagine finding huge scratches down your body, and even bloody areas from where you scratched while you were asleep.  Imagine not wanting to move, wear clothes, or touch ANYTHING (including your own skin) because it makes your skin go crazy.  Imagine that no creams, no lotions, no salves make it go away (although a few make it slightly better for an hour at a time).  Imagine rashes covering your entire body and imagine fearing showers and baths because it hurts so damn much.  Because anything and everything can send your skin into a frenzy where you have no choice but to itch it because it’s ALL OVER YOU.  Literally.  Your arms, your chest, your back, your stomach, your legs…and sometimes even your face and neck.  You can’t even bank on the whole “wait it out” like you can with poison ivy – don’t scratch it and it’ll get better fast.  Because it doesn’t.  It burns and it itches all at once, everywhere.  Your skin is on fire AND you just jumped into a pit of really pissed off imaginary mosquitoes.

I’m obviously not normal.  It takes a LOT of mental discipline for me to even keep up my end of a conversation in public, when all I REALLY want to do is rip my clothes off and jump into an icy pond in hopes it will just freeze my skin off.  Luckily, there aren’t a lot of icy ponds around the places I have to go to.

So, I’m heading back to the doctor today to get this loveliness checked out (and some blood tests) to see if we can’t pinpoint this.  Last night, I thought I’d google “extreme itchiness during pregnancy” and turns out, this thing I’m experiencing is a bit beyond what’s considered “normal” and may or may not be indicative of a few serious problems.  Like, I may be turning into a monkey or some such.

Regardless, I’m hoping the blood tests will AT LEAST rule out a couple of pretty scary conditions, which match my symptoms (OF COURSE), that turned up in google.  Google wouldn’t tell me which blood tests would be needed to find out if I’m becoming a monkey, though…so we may just have to wait and see on that one.

Oh, and one last note…if you just googled “extreme itchiness during pregnancy” and all that, don’t listen to the nurses when they tell you to put cortizone cream on rash – which covers your whole body – it kind of dries it out, making you MORE uncomfortable and more itchy, and the rash gets pissed and a little crazy.  Just sayin.

Welcome back!

*in case you want to catch up:

Part one.
Part two.
Part three.

It was like she felt the need to double-check or something – although she hadn’t the slightest idea what for. And when the rings were abruptly stopped by a smooth voice, she was almost surprised. She told the listener on the other end that she’d had sex and was bleeding, but this time she didn’t leave out the fact that her “first time” had left her with several soaked-through pads of blood.

It only took the woman a moment of thoughtful silence before she said, “Get to the hospital, now. You’re losing too much blood and the other stuff you’re seeing and hearing is your body trying to clot…”

With an almost hysterical laugh, she replied to the angel on the other side of the line, “Yeh. Not gonna happen. My parents would hate me and never forgive me. I’d rather die.” She had said it with fierce determination, but her face quivered as did the phone in her hand.

The woman sighed, but only for a short moment before she said, “Honey, your parents would much rather the call from you tonight than the call tomorrow morning from the paramedics, telling them their baby girl is gone…Please. Go to the hospital….”

“I can’t…” she said, as she hung up the phone. She laughed at the irony – here was her chance to die and it wouldn’t have even been her fault, but something in her clicked and she wanted to fight back. She was much too stubborn to die on someone else’s terms. She picked the phone up once more, but this time for a different sort of call….

(part 1 -here, part 2 – here)

Her mouth gaped open as she saw the bloody hand-prints covering the wall near the light switch. Her head swarmed as she looked to see his hands covered in blood, to his elbows. He didn’t seem to be the least bit shocked or concerned, and she wondered if this was how it was supposed to be. Behind her, the bed lay rumpled with a pool of red blood where she had been only moments ago.

She looked at him as he cracked the door open to talk to the voice on the other side, and unable to make sense of any of it, she gathered her things and pulled the door open enough for her to slide out between them. But the boy on the other side had already seen. His eyes became large and his mouth turned into a snarl as he pointed to her, demanding to know what she’d done and how she could possibly bloody up his room.

It was then she looked down and realized that the blood was all hers, and for the first time she could feel it dripping down the inside of her pants leg.

The other boy, the one with blood on his hands, told him to be quiet, to let her go. And, she ran. Out of the room, and into the bathroom – unrolling as many squares of toilet paper she could off the roll, sticking them inside her panties. She stuffed extra tissue in her pocket as she quietly peaked out the door. She could hear the boys arguing in the other room, one of them angry because his mattress had been “soaked through.” She quietly ran down the stairs, and softly told her friend they needed to leave NOW and her friend promptly complied at hearing the urgency in her voice.

“What happened?” Her best friend asked as they drove silently against the black town. “We…had sex. I’m bleeding.” She said, her voice distant and steady.

They arrived at her best friend’s home and she went straight to the bathroom to change out the tissue paper she’d carelessly rolled and stuffed into her panties. The whole lot had soaked through in the matter of only a few minutes, so she grabbed a panty-liner from her friend’s bathroom vanity. As she sat on the toilet, she could hear the blood slowly trickling into the clear water, turning it red. She shoved the panty-liner back and opted instead for an overnight maxi pad.

Slowly, she got up and washed her hands – believing this was nothing but normal. When she opened the door, she could hear the soft giggles of her friend as she sat, talking on the phone to the boy she’d just met. Her friend paused, looking at her – searching for a clue to explain the expression that had taken residence on her face. “I’m going to bed,” she said, pointing to the bedroom door that they shared. Her friend nodded, and then she walked away, leaving her friend on the couch.

Suddenly, she was awake again – as if she’d been startled, but the room was dark and quiet. She felt the bed beside her but her friend hadn’t come in yet. Trying to see the clock, she squinted to make out the red numbers. It’d only been an hour since she’d laid down. She tried to get comfortable, twisting and turning, but she couldn’t get rid of the aching that spread through her down there. It throbbed just enough to keep her from falling back to sleep.

Slowly, she stood back up and walked the few steps to the doorway, where her own hand shot out and grasped the door frame, keeping her from falling. Her best friend put the phone down, cautiously eyeing her “Are you…alright?”

Silently, she shook her head. “I think I’m going to pass out,” she added quietly.

“I have to go, I’ll call you back,” Her friend said into the phone, hanging up.

Her friend was beside her, helping her back to the bathroom where she sat again. This time, though, there was more blood. It steadily streamed into the toilet in small amounts, occasionally with a slight “plop” as it hit the water. She looked at her friend, embarrassed, and asked, “Are you supposed to bleed like this…after…you know?”

Her friend, deep in thought, shook her head. “I’m not really sure, but I don’t think so. You should call the hospital or something.”

With that, the phone was handed to her and she began to call her gynecologist, although she had no clue why since they would definitely not be open during the wee hours of the night. The answering service answered, and was barely helpful, telling her that some people bled more than others and if she was concerned to go to the hospital. She hung up. She wasn’t concerned. She laughed slightly at the thought of not waking up again – it wasn’t like anyone would really care. Hell, it might actually relieve them, she thought, tears stinging her eyes. It’d been months since she’d gotten along with her parents, and months since the depression had first set in. After all, would the man who had shoved the letter she’d written to him explaining her desire to stop living back in her chest while calling her a selfish baby really ever miss her? Probably not.

And yet, despite the sadness that gripped her, she picked the phone up and dialed another number. Her hands were working on their own, because she’d already decided she didn’t even care what happens.

(part 1 is here)

The room was dark, save for the stream of light coming from the hallway which gave the entire room the ambiance of a dimly lit restaurant – without the food, of course. He took her face in his hands and kissed her, and in that moment she let her guard down and sighed with relief. After moments of nothing but kissing, his fingertips found the inside of her wrists as he used them to push her down onto the bed. Confused and unsure how to respond, she began to shift her body to raise herself upright – or she would have, had the gentle pressure of his hand on her shoulder not been lightly pressing her down.

Thoughts ran furiously through her head, some negating the others but as a whole they left her more confused than she’d been to start with. Unsure of what to do, she did the only thing she knew how to do and became quiet, wondering and waiting. He began slowly, even kissing her, but after only a few seconds she was sure that this was not what she wanted. This wasn’t how she’d imagined her first time, and she was supposed to be in love – even married, both of which she was not. “Stop.” She whispered. She looked at his face and wondered if he’d even heard her, but the rocking motion told her he had not. “Please. Just stop.” She said it again, this time louder but still merely a hiss. He looked at her and shook his head slightly, “What’s wrong?” he asked. “I don’t want to do this. It hurts. Please. Stop.” She said back, her voice still low and controlled.

He paused.

But, it was only for a moment.

She tried to raise her shoulders from the pillow under her as she asked again “Please…” but her voice broke and failed her. Her head slumped back as she let the silent tears caress her cheekbones. She knew she should kick him – or, at least that she could. Something, at least – but her body wouldn’t move and all she wanted in that moment was to disappear. She closed her eyes, the wet lashes touching the top of her cheek as she grit down on her teeth. It hurt, what he was doing, but she guessed it was normal as she’d never done this before. She squeezed her eyes even tighter shut and concentrated on nothing but the black void in the back of her mind, willing herself to leave this place – if only in her head.

And, she did.

It may have been the pain that brought her back, or the warm sensation between her legs – she wasn’t sure. It felt like only seconds had passed, but she knew it had to have been longer. With her hand, she reached down to feel what seemed to be a trickle of warmth on her. Though what she found was nothing like a trickle, but a puddle instead. She wondered if it was normal but sharp stabs of pain radiated against her insides and her head could no longer hold her thoughts. How could she just now be aware of this pain?

“Stop. Now.” She said, determined and with an edge to her voice. “Get off.”

His body stalled and the knock on the door made him stiffen. “Just a minute!” He called.

She was thankful for the sharp knock and for what it meant for her. She began to stand, but sat down sharply as her head rumbled in protest, blurring my vision and balance. The room was completely dark, now as the door had been closed at some point. He fumbled for the light switch as she tried again to stand without falling.

With a sudden burst, light flooded the room and she stood where she was, looking around – horrified. She hadn’t been prepared for this…

(See the red splotchiness?  It’s a rash…I have something similar covering random areas of my body.  It itches.  Lots.)

I’m guessing the special hormone that makes my hair and nails grow like crazy has finally kicked into effect – I don’t have long luscious locks of hair (although, I might if I could keep it from frizzing out into a ‘fro…I’ll let you know), but my hair HAS stopped falling out as much.  I’m down to about one small clump rather than the huge fistfuls I was having to clean up.  My nails are growing plenty fast, which I’m pretty sure is part of the whole Divine Design plan – you know, better to scratch my raging hormonal skin with.  I’m seriously looking into taking sandpaper or those rough-bristled brushes to my skin…only then it will be RAW and itch.  It almost feels like the itch is from the inside, like I can’t quite get to it.  Who knows, maybe I’m just going nuts and it’s all in my head.  Um, I mean…skin.

The uber bad morning sickness that I had in the beginning is gone.  I thought it would be the end of all sickness, but apparently that goodness only lasted a week or two.  Now, I have “normal-person morning sickness” and am keeping the Zofran pretty handy.  For the most part, I can curb the puking if I can pop a Zofran and lay down really quickly and squeeze my eyes shut (and soon after get food in me).  I don’t remember it lasting QUITE this long with Lorelei, but what do I know.  The thought that this may last the rest of my pregnancy scares me…and pisses me off a little.

My hormones are quickly spinning out of control – not only am I itchy and forgetful suddenly with the intense urge to puke everywhere, I’m also drawn to near hysterics at the drop of a hat.  Okay, maybe not hysterics…but, it’s close.  I can still tell though when I am being “short” due to hormones or due to being pushed too far and am quick to apologize and try to make it right.  I guess that’s better than nothing.

Cravings.  I’m not really having a ton of cravings that I can’t live without, although there are certain foods that I’m hungry for and certain that seem repulsive to me.  Large bits of hamburger (like thick hamburgers, loads of hamburger meat in sauces, and big meatballs) make me squirm in a very bad way.  Bagel bites and pizza rolls aren’t too appetizing, either – although that one may have to do more with the fact that those were a main source of sustenance for 3.5 months.  Things that sound good are Victor’s Sandwiches’ chili (it’s kind of a sweeter variety), Dominoes cheese pizza, and Jalapeno poppers.

I’ve also been experiencing an almost unquenchable thirst.  I’ve been drinking water like crazy, which also means I could probably just strap a toilet to my butt and call it a day.  Seriously.  I should just make the bathroom into an office, I’m constantly peeing.

The crazy dreams have started – you know, the ones where really WEIRD things happen and are totally unlike the dreams you used to have – and, I’ve broken out in an itchy rash all over.  Not that the two have anything to do with each other, but still.  The rash is just like the one I had with Lorelei, so I’m not worried just annoyed.  I’ve not used anything new and I realize my skin may be developing new allergies during the pregnancy and blablabla but that’s not it.  My body is just freaky, k?  All the same, 10 points goes to whoever cures me of the itchiness without setting me on fire.  Thanks.

Occasionally I’m feeling some light flutters, and even more rarely do I feel full on body slams.  I mean, that has to be what it is unless this kid is bigfoot.  Oh God, please no.

I tallied it up, and if I can count right – the total score for boy versus girl was 9 to 10.  You guys are so smart.  The sonographer spotted the significant parts right away, and it’s a girl.  From now on, Baby A will now be referred to as Aurora Madeline…okay, actually it’ll just be Aurora…or A…or, whatever.  Don’t worry…Steven is okay.  We went to Steak and Shake afterwards to cheer him up.  Besides, like he can stay too sad knowing that in the end this will just mean more “trying” later on.  Gee.  Poor Steven.  But, no matter what he tries to convince you guys of, this kid will NOT be nicknamed AJ.  Nor will we be naming a baby girl Aidan Joseph.

When you find out your pregnant, one of the “milestones,” or fun parts you can take part in is finding out whether you’ll be having a boy or girl.  While some couples would rather have the surprise at the end, over 70 percent choose to find out via ultrasound.

Ultrasounds are for the most part pretty accurate these days, but things like testing too early or mistaking an umbilical cord for a penis still happens.  There are a couple of other clinical procedures to detect the sex of your child, but neither are as pain free as the ultrasound: Chronic Villus Sampling and Amniocentesis – both of which are mostly reserved for women with high risk factors.

Besides clinical procedures, there are quite a few “wives tales” that many people have depended on to tell them the sex of their babies in years past.  The accuracy of these tests, however, are not known.  So, while I wouldn’t suggest buying stock in pink or blue based solely on the following tests, they could be fun at the very least:

The Heartbeat Test – If the heartbeat is under 140, it’s a boy.  Over 140, it’s a girl.  We have no clue what happens if it’s 140 even.  Do keep in mind, though, that depending on how early during your pregnancy you do this test, your results can vary greatly.

How You Carry – Low and in front = boy.  High and all over = girl.

Your Urine – bright yellow=boy.  Clear=girl.  It could also just mean you need to drink more water or that the prenatal vitamins you are taking make your pee funny colors.  Be sure and call a doctor if your urine is anything but yellow or clear, though.

Breast Size – Supposedly, if your left breast is bigger than the right, you’ll have a girl.  The other way around, it’s a boy.  What?  Your breasts are equal in size and shape?  Leave me your plastic surgeon’s number…

Morning Sickness – Some say that if you don’t have any morning sickness in the first trimester, it’s a boy.  Although, my doctor likes to say that if you have HORRID morning sickness, it must be a boy because only boys can torment us that bad.  (It’s a joke, guys.  JOKE.)  Personally, whatever comes with no morning sickness, I want one of those next please.

Sleep Position – If you sleep on your right side, it must be a girl.  Or, your left side just went numb.  Whichever.

String and Ring – Tie a ring to a piece of string and hold it over your belly, or have someone else do it if your hormones have you afraid you’ll end in whacking someone in the head (on purpose or not).  Then, swing the ring back and forth.  If it goes in a circle, you MUST be having a boy and if stays a straight line, you’re having a girl.  I hear it has something to do with the difference of thought processes, where a girl can stay on track…and…yeh.  Okay, I made the very last part up.

Chinese Lunar Calendar – This calendar can supposedly tell you if you’re having a boy or girl.  It takes the age of you when you conceived and the month of conception and tells you what you’ll be having.  Click here to see a chart.

Drano Prediction Method – Basically, you mix drano and urine because you always wanted to be a chemist, anyhow.  This one isn’t really recommended at all because DUDE, IT’S DRANO! and it’s toxic and all that jazz.  But, if you won’t listen to me and think you have to try it anyhow, here’s how (because I know you’d just go google it anyhow *sigh*):

Supposedly, you have to wait til you are at LEAST 4 months pregnant…or more.

Add 2 to 3 ounces of first morning pee to 2 Tablespoons of crystal Drano in a large jar (that can roughly hold twice as much urine as you’ll actually be putting in it – because this might get a bit bubbly and gross).  And, do this all outside please, unless you’re just trying to be all unsafe and such.  (When you are finished playing chemist/crazy person, throw the jar or glass away.)

Now, look at the pee drano and if it’s brown within 10 seconds, it’s a boy.  If there was no change to the color or darkening, it’s a girl (but you must look within the first 10-15 seconds after the main chemical reaction).  There.  Are you satisfied?  Now, go throw that mess away.

Know of any other Wive’s Tales or “Tests” that can give you some insight (or at least fun trying) on the baby’s sex?  Let me know in comments!  Have you tried any of these?  Were they accurate?  I’d love to hear from you!

Note:  I HAVE heard of a blood test you can buy (a DIY method) that supposedly will tell you the sex of your baby or your money back, but have heard not-so-great things about it and can’t recommend it at this time.  There are claims that couples have tried getting their money back after the test proved to be inaccurate and the company stated some loophole or reasoning and refused to back up their claims.  IF you are this company, feel free to email me to set the record straight.

Several weeks ago – make that a month, I asked you guys to weigh in on whether you thought we’d be adding a baby boy or girl to the family. Then, a couple of weeks later, Steven and I excitedly trekked into the ultrasound office to find out.

With my belly exposed and being prodded on, the tech found Baby A, and called it – despite the flurry of movements and less than quality picture due to blurring. Steven’s face dropped and he let out a huge puff of air as the technician doomed him to more pink and hideous-to-him head bows. She had seen three lines, as blurry as they were and was mostly sure.

Yeh. I don’t do mostly sure. It’s one thing to not find out at all, but to think the whole time you are having one sex and to be all stocked up on blues or pinks and then…oh, what’s that? A penis? Vagina? Wait, what? Cancel the cute pink gingham announcements and someone hurry up and call our insurance so we can get this circumcision thing underway.

So, I had her do the …um…more “probing” ultrasound. And, turns out, it could be a boy. Or, it could be a girl. She wasn’t too sure, but she DID want to know what the hell I’d eaten or drank before I had come in. Nothing. That’s what. My child is just naturally hyperactive, if you saw Lorelei at Thanksgiving you’d totally understand. It may have something to do with their father. No, actually it does. Or, at least I’m blaming him for it all.

Tomorrow will mark the end of my 18 weeks (I’ll write updates later) and we’ll go once again to get a closer look at the she-man baby. The tech assured me that the baby was not in fact a she-man child, but what does she know? She couldn’t even tell what baby A was.

Do you know what this means? It MEANS that you get another day to post your guess in the comments. This is going in the baby book, dammit so humor the hormonal pregnant lady, okay?**

**Note: Can be bought off with jalapeno poppers AND brownies. Together. But, not mixed. Or touching.

So vote.

Girl
Tara R
Zoeyjane
Angie
Hockeyman

Boy
Kathy
Steven
WeaselMomma
Huckdoll

Starting last year (2007), I began making at least most of the Christmas gifts we’d be gifting.  So, this year it was no surprise that I chose to continue this tradition.  And, with the lack of cash (seemingly) in everyone’s pockets, I’ve had a lot of people asking what sorts of things I’d be making.

And then I shut up.

I can’t very well tell everyone what TYPES of things I will be making, because that could easily give away the gifts for those receiving, but I can tell you some of what I made LAST year, so you get an idea – although, this year some of the crafts are different (but I’ll tell you about those AFTER Christmas)

These are the ornaments I already did a mini-tutorial on – but, basically it’s a clear empty ornament that you can fill with anything.  I gave these away as small gifts to the people that we don’t buy/make larger gifts for… (like for the mini gift exchange my family does)

Handbound Journal and Travel Pillow.  The travel pillow ended up slightly lopsided, seeing as I can’t cut a straight line to save my life.  For the journal, I searched for the “perfect” book cover and simply used only the cover and rebound fresh pages by hand to make a new custom-made journal.

Photo Pendants.  I made 2 photo pendants, each with a photo that the gift recipient held dear and this took a lot of trial and error.  Not the photo part, but getting it to not bubble up at all and drilling the hole just so, so it wouldn’t all break and become useless.  These are made of resin and you can buy resin kits at craft stores (like Hobby Lobby).  It probably took me a good 2 weeks on getting the pendants to look like something I’d actually give.  But honestly, I’m pretty sure these were a flop – or at least with my crowd. You can use the resin pieces to make jewelry of any kind, key chain, magnets, etc – I gave mine just as pendants so the recipient could choose what they wanted them as (with the exception of the hole I went ahead and drilled)…

More pendants, but with a variety of things inside…

T-shirt.  I didn’t actually make the shirt, but I made the stencil and then painted it.  “Herb” is a shortening of this person’s name, plus we thought it was sort of funny…

Even the dog got a homemade Christmas present – a dog bed.  She’s way past her chewing phase (unlike Chance), and prefers to only chew on toilet paper and garbage.  This was simply a hatbox, and I made a circular cushion for the inside plus an extra cushion to lay her head against, as well as some extra fabric for her to nose around to make her bed.  This was a big hit with her, and now (much to Glory’s displeasure) Chance has taken it over…leaving a few chew marks behind.

A HUGE 2-person blanket.  I didn’t use a kit, although they have those available, but I wanted something other than military/disney princess/team sports as this was for my BIL who LOVES coffee and is always cold.  Personally, I ended up deciding I didn’t like the whole “fringe effect,” but it was a little late when I decided that, and luckily he liked it.  He asked me to make another this year for his new wife so she’d give his back.  Ha.  I will warn you, though…unless you find the fabric hugely discounted, this project can end up running you $15-30 (or more) per blanket, so if you’re making gifts to save money you may want to keep this in mind and then buy the fabric on clearance when the weather gets warmer.

And, here’s one of the many Christmas photos I took and emailed out.

I made some other gifts, as well – but, can’t find the photographs.  I’m sure half of you are bored out of your gourds anyhow, so I’ll just list them real quick just in case someone is interested: loom knitted hats and scarves, needle-knitted washcloth (I taught myself to knit for these gifts and quickly found out that it’s WAY too slow if I do the needle-knitting), baked gifts (like homemade bread), and Christmas cards (these were simple, a light colored card with christmas ornament shapes cut out of red and green patterned papers, and a bit of string tied on, then it all adhered down to the front side of the card.  I made about 80, so they had to be simple!).

I told you I’d be back.  I’m great like that, and maybe a little psychic.

Supposedly, everything with my blog is fixed now.  Supposedly.  So, if it happens to be un-fix itself or get overrun by spiders or jagged toothed man-eating fish, we’ll blame someone else…like my husband.  Yup.  Sounds good.

Anyhow, I’m back.

Now, go write me a love letter and confess your undying love for me…