I have this notebook, you see (one of a gazillion because I like lists and such), and in it are ideas for gifts.  Our closest family and friends are in there, as well as some random gift ideas I thought would be cool for anyone.  And, starting right after my birthday at the end of August I begin deciding who will get what for CHRISTMAS.  Last year, I actually handmade every. single. gift.  And, it took me every day up until December 25th to finish them all.  Then, there was Christmas.  And, as I handed out the gifts that I had poured my heart and soul into – and even weeks – I watched every single facial expression as each gift was opened.

And, then I almost cried.

Because while my Father In Law loved the idea that I had made something just for him, and while my brother does NOT wear scarves but wouldn’t trade his to his best friend because his sister had made it for him and he loved it for that reason, and while my father couldn’t wait to tear into the homemade bread I baked him…there were some people whose faces dropped, who shoved the gift aside as if it was nothing more than a cotton ball among ribbons.

And, my heart broke.  Because, last year… I made a LOT of gifts, each one of them were carefully thought into existence and then lovingly and painstakingly made.  A lot of heart and soul went into each one.  A lot of thought.  And  yet, by the end of Christmas I had sworn that NEXT YEAR, besides a few select people…everyone else could have Walmart gifts.  It’s what they wanted, isn’t it?  Some mass-produced unthoughtful gift that I threw into my cart on the way to the checkout line?

But, then this year came and went and I’m making gifts again…but, mostly because if I don’t use the talents I have and be creative, I can’t give gifts at all.  So, I’ve planned the gifts I want to give very carefully, all the while thinking how the recipients would probably much rather have a store bought sparkly bracelet and earrings or a cool new gadget.  And, then I pause for a moment wishing I had that to give to you…because I want you to have the things your heart desires.

I know Christmas isn’t all about gifts…it’s all about so much more, and it’s different for everyone.  But, when money is tight…it’s the gifts you seem to think about.  Not the ones for you, but how you will be able to bless others this year, without feeling like a total failure.

So, when I started getting crafty emails, designed to sneakily get my “wishlist,” I paused.

I don’t really have a wishlist.

Beyond an iPhone, BlogHer09, a vacation, and the luxury to afford the medical bills that are coming in from my latest hospital stays and health insurance without having to worry whether we’ll be able to pay for the necessities…

Beyond that, I have no clue what my wishlist would look like.  Because, quite frankly…wishing means dreaming for things I know I can’t have right now.  Things I wouldn’t dare ask my family for when there are more important things that must be taken care of.

It’s not that I’m indecisive or trying to be a pain in your ass while you’re trying to take care of holiday shopping/gift making…I just haven’t thought about *ME* in that regard lately.

On the flip-side, if you need a gift for almost anyone else, I could probably provide you with ideas out the wazoo.

I realize that gifts are a huge part of most Christmas traditions, and while I require nothing (and expect nothing), I also realize you still want a list.

So, here’s a list of the things I could think of, somethings specific and some not.

- I like certified organic shower gels in yummy scents.
-  Bella B’s All Over Body Lotion (I think it’s by Mother’s Intuition)? – It’s on Amazon.
- Really great books that you loved – used is okay too.
- Cold hard cash.  I would love to make a dent in the “7 K medical bills” or to start a BlogHer09 Fund
- Make me something.  I’m trying to use only organic bodycare and I don’t wear bracelets, but beyond that…I’m sure I’ll adore it.
- Craft “Lessons” – Not that I need lessons on being crafty or artsy, but I love getting together with others and crafting, and getting new ideas.  (The Stampin Up events where you do projects counts.)  Pay for one of these, and it’ll mean I also get to get out of the house!
- Pampered Chef Giftcard.  Because then, I could have my favorite Pampered Chef lady over to do another “cooking party” and can use the gift card to order something at the end.
- Trips, big or small.  Whether it’s a gift card that will pay for 2 evening movie tickets, a bucket of popcorn, some candy, and 2 drinks or a stay at a bed and breakfast in Nashville, I’ll love it.
- Clothes.  Unless you have the exact same style as me and really understand my size, though…I can be tricky to actually buy for.  Take me on a shopping excursion to Nashville (or anywhere!) and name the amount.  But, warning…good maternity clothes cost like crazy.  I’d be just as happy if you wanted to wait until AFTER I have the baby to get some new clothes too.
-Give me a “coupon.”  You know those coupon books where you write in things you’ll do for that person and everyone thinks they’re kind of cheesy?  Well, I love them.  Especially if you tailor it to things I love.  So, promise to take me shopping and buy me a new outfit once I have the baby.  Promise to take me out to lunch or dinner (just us, or whoever).  Promise to cook me supper.  Promise me to help put flowers out next spring.  Promise to take me up to a Stampin Up event and buy me a $20 stamp kit.  And, I would love it.  LOVE IT.
- Buy me an experience…  tickets to a broadway show, a learning experience – like a class where we learn something I am interested in, etc.

Or, just send me a card you picked out or made just for me.  Send me your love.

What warms my heart and makes me smile is that you thought of me in the first place.

Welcome back!