I’m a day early, but I have some updates that I want to log journal-style so I don’t forget them.

This weekend, Steven and I did some major cleaning - not that you can tell now, of course. And, in the process I also had him accompany me to the major mess I made upstairs. My mom took me out to get a few Maternity items a few weeks ago, but I’m REALLY needing my other loot. I still have no idea what I even have in terms of winter things, though because … turns out, when I reorganized the attic, the maternity box went missing. It is VERY possible that those clothes are stuffed in with some baby stuff or…maybe something else…but, this is going to require dragging out 30 boxes and really heavy totes and emptying them, neatly stuffing them back, and then re-arranging them in the attic. Did I mention that I have almost no room to pull these boxes out? Fun times. And, in the end…it could just be missing. You know, a thief or something. For one box. Of maternity clothes.

Right now, I have one pair of jeans, a pair of black pants, 2 maternity shirts which will require a bigger tummy for me to wear, and some larger normal PJ pants and tshirts. Oh, and a few spring/summer tops. That I can’t wear. So, basically…if you see me out…I’ll be wearing either jeans and a LS green shirt or jeans and the exact same shirt in purple with a print on it. And, they’ll probably be dirty.

I’m not feeling the energy to go upstairs and squeeze into an attic to argue with my husband about how the clothes MUST be in there and now we MUST look through each box. On the flipside, asking him to do it solo as a favor would look much like this:

(Shines flashlight around quickly) “Nope, don’t see ‘em. We done here?”

Men.

That’s all.

I also have this fantabulous rash on my stomach, which I know has to be hormones or something else random because it moves, almost daily. Like a heat rash, except maybe not since I am not hot. Just itchy. And, its one of those rashes YOU can see but everyone else has to double squint to even pick up, and even then they are probably lying because they don’t want to look at your belly anymore? I remember getting these with L though, so I’m not surprised. Just more itching.

My nausea is still here, and with it are coming these insane emotions. Like, this morning I convinced myself again that the baby is dead. I convinced myself that since I’m not feeling any flutters or movement and I just have this awkward nausea that makes me sick when I want to eat, just enough to not want to eat. I keep thinking I should FEEL something, and be more obsessed with food. But, really…food (especially ground beef, chocolate, chicken, etc) makes me want to gag. I can do an occasional awesome Prime Rib sandwich from Garden Gate, or maybe some other meats that are made into exquisite sandwiches but ground beef in my chili makes me want to vomit. So does lunchmeat and chunks of chicken. It’s like I’m becoming an accidental vegetarian or something.

So, by noon I was so convinced that I needed to see my doctor - just to HEAR a heartbeat or to see a flutter, I was calling and trying to change my appointment. Luckily, they were busy and couldn’t grab the phone, and then left a message just to say call back after lunch because they were going on lunch. Which, gave me the perfect opportunity to look through my journal from when I was pregnant with L. I’m about 3 weeks different on the dates than when I was pregnant with L, and most things are pretty much the same.

EXCEPT… When I was 15 weeks pregnant with L, I was much sicker feeling. I was still taking Zofran (which I’ve mostly already weaned myself off of) occasionally. I wasn’t up to all day excursions because I tired out too quickly. And, guess what…no flutters or random kicks until 18 months with L.

And, if I think really hard about it…Last night, the baby might have kicked…well, head butted me as it’s still small. Whatever it was, it felt like a fury of movement into an organ inside me. Mostly, because L sat on him/her, I think. Note to self: baby doesn’t like being sat on. Got it.

I am having some major emotional ups and downs. Partly situational, I think and partly hormonal pregnant girl stuff. Mostly, I can tell the difference between the two when it’s happening. For example, hormonal pregnant girl wants to kick the puppy out because he’s disturbing her sleep and she has to clean more. She also wants to kick the cats out because they’re causing trouble and being really naughty lately. And, possibly even the kid because she’s throwing tantrums now, which makes me the worst mom in the world. Hormonal pregnant girl also wants a doppler so she can later go beserk when she can’t find a heartbeat with the confusing little devices, and then run to the doctor for a quickie ultrasound. Hormonal pregnant girl feels like throwing herself on the floor and throwing her own tantrum because she has lots of clothes in her closet that she can’t wear and she can’t find the box of mostly cheap maternity clothes she probably wouldn’t want to wear anyhow (Lesson: Don’t buy cheap maternity clothes. They feel awful, make you itch worse, and fall apart, and look funny/fit funny. ) - most of the “better” maternity clothes are spring/summer that I had ( I think). Except for my favorite jogging suit…which I won’t jog in. At all.

But, no animals or children will be kicked out, and if I throw a tantrum, I’ll try to wait until I’m alone. And, I’ll be trying to stay away from the phone to call my doctor because there is no legitimate reason for me to think anything is anything other than okay. Besides, in an hour, I’ll probably feel better about most of it for a while…until I go crazy again shortly after.

Other news, I have no idea how much I weigh and have found myself procrastinating EVERYTHING…from novel writing to getting out of bed in the morning (because I have a 20 page to do list I know I won’t finish) to writing my novel to blogging on First Impressions (which I’m thinking of closing down). OY.

Current cravings: Red Velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing and Prime Rib sandwich from Garden Gate

Welcome back!