Apparently with this pregnancy I’m way more laid back, because with the first I would have NEVER thought about not chronicling every single little thing - much less skip out for 2 weeks REGARDLESS of how sick I was. Oops. Although I’ve experienced the same horrid symptoms as with my first pregnancy, I don’t feel the need to run to the doctor for every time I feel like dying. Nope, now I just skip straight to the ER. Before, I kept 3 different week by week pregnancy books beside my bed and always knew approximately how big my little shrimp was or which new follicles it was sprouting. Now? Where are those books (upstairs, in the attic)? It’s not that I don’t care, it’s just…different. I already know how babies grow, what labor feels like, and what real contractions feel like…so, I’m good for now.

By the way, I really didn’t mean to scare anyone while I was away…I glossed over a bit that I was staying with my parents, and I guess I glossed too much because some of you missed it. For the past month or so, L and I were living with my parents so we could stay close to my doctor, the hospital, and some other family members that could help. And…my parents live about an hour away. We tried coming home a couple of weekends, but I only made it for a couple of days before needing to go back. So, we embraced it for what it was and it worked out. Unfortunately, I didn’t have much access to internet or email and for the most part I felt way too horrible to even THINK about sitting upright or opening my eyes. I had all sorts of stories for you guys - from the asshat nurse to a really scary moment for me to…well, I forgot. Chances are I might not even write those posts anyhow since they are kind of old news (for me) now.

Last Wednesday, was my latest scheduled Dr. appointment. She wanted me to continue seeing her weekly to keep a check on my (lack of) weight gain, but I begged her to draw it out a bit. She complied but only with the understanding that I am to watch my weight and that if I have more than 3 bad days in a row again, I am to come straight in. That, and I’m due back in a month. The Saturday before that appointment (not yesterday but the Sat prior), I felt pretty good…and that lasted until about Tuesday. I had some minor ups and downs during the day, but it was a huge improvement. And, then…Wednesday sucked. The rest of the week was kind of up and down, but still an improvement to what things HAD BEEN LIKE. And, now I’m home. My home. To be honest, I’m kind of scared…elated …but, scared. After the weekend means I’m by myself, no emergency room nearby or a way to get there, no help close by, and nobody to help me off the floor or to feed L should I lose my strength or pass out - all things that have been huge issues for the past month and a half. I’m really really hoping that this is me coming out of this stuff…and not just a few good days again before a huge row of horrid ones…

By the way, if any of you have loads of cash to blow, this area REALLY needs a Whole Foods Market. Seriously. I am finally starting to want HEALTHY food again after only being able to down cRAP for the past 1.5 months, but it’s really hard to find FAST, CHEAP, and EASY healthy meals that taste good. I’ve been craving vegetables and fruits, but I’m still not to a place where I have much energy to FIX it. I’ve gone to Lean Cuisines and picked out all of the boxes that had lots of veggies shown. Yeh yeh, I know. Lean Cuisine isn’t THAT healthy but it sure looked a lot healthier than the fried chicken and salisbury steak in a box beside it. And, no. I’m not trying to lose weight. And no, those meals don’t always fill me, so I eat more…or snack. And no, that’s not why I’m not gaining weight (I’ve heard all of these questions already). I didn’t gain weight because for a month and a half I’ve been throwing up almost everything I ate and drank…which is why I was in the hospital, because not even medicines kept it totally under control and blablabla. So, yeh…we need a Whole Foods Market down here and I’d be super thrilled if you wanted to open up a Wolfgang Puck Express here, too. Because, yum. (See, this is a good sign, food sounds good now. Some of it.)

Other things I probably should’ve documented in some sort of journal but didn’t:

-Week 11, I had contractions and really bad stabbing pain and pressure. They went away by themselves.
-The floating bubble sensation …that’s the baby. It’s not gas. Well, let me rephrase that…it’s not my gas.
-Baby heartbeat at 12 week checkup was 179. No weight gain.
-No strong cravings, just preferring fresh vegetables and Wofgang Puck’s food.
-Week 11, put in hospital again with asshat night nurse. More on that later.
-Week 12, experienced really scary moment where my body did not comply with thought commands. More on that later, too. Maybe.

Now, I think I’m gonna go nap

Welcome back!