I know you’re having an awful time right now, trying to sort through intentions versus reality and what you’re willing to accept.  It’s hard.  I know you are clinging so desperately to your happily-ever-after (and you deserve yours) and the dreams you had of the future, and I don’t want to tell you that reality is about to bust that up…but…

You deserve grand dreams coming into reality.  You deserve a happily ever after…but, you may need to get on a harder path in the meantime…a path that will ultimately lead to that goodness, but a path also filled with tears, heartache, and lots of unknown.  It’ll be scary, for sure – but would it be any scarier than imagining living your life just as exactly as it is now for years to come?  With the main things that bring you grief now staying the exact same?  Sometimes, people aren’t who they pretended to be – and sometimes they just change.  Regardless, it’s not your job to change someone else – even if you know that them unchanging will result in heartache for the both of you.  They’ll resent you, and they’ll run the other way, leaving you hurt even more.

A partner is a partner.  You signed on (so to speak) to love and support, not to be a parent.  Not to be hurt over and over again, waiting for them to get it.  For it to click.  It’s not your job, not your role, to be hurt time and time again while you “teach” them.  Because they already know.  You either speak with love, or you don’t.  You either show love, or you don’t.  You either are there for someone, or you aren’t.  You either keep your promises, or you don’t.  You either stay faithful, or you don’t.  You either tell the truth, or you don’t.  You either betray them, or you don’t.  You either cherish them, or you don’t.

You either love them, or you don’t.

They’re beyond teaching.  They already know.  Somewhere, deep down, they get it.  They know.  I get that you want to hang around and hang on because you feel like you are giving up on them, hurting them, but they’ve made their choices.  They’ve taken you for granted and are convinced that you’ll always be there….   You’ve stayed strong for so long, being knocked down so many times only to get up again and brush yourself off – always sticking your hand back out to them.  And, while some things have changed, the fact that you keep getting hurt hasn’t.  The how may change, but will the results ever?  You heartbroken, crying.

You have an immense support network, one so great that many people only wish they had what you have.  But they?  That one person that you need the most…the person who SHOULD be the ringleader of that network?  They’re not there.  They’re too busy.  They don’t take you seriously.  And, one day…while you were all alone, you needed them.  Desperately.  But, again…too busy.  You made a phone call and it was someone else…from another city…that came and got you and took you to the ER that afternoon.  It was them that made sure things got taken care of.  It was them that stayed with you while they could, before having to get back home.

You want to convince me…and everyone else that the one you love made a mistake.  Just like the times before.  And, that they’ll change, that they just have some growing to do.  And, that’s your choice.  But, how much growing will you allow them to do at your very own expense?

The road ahead of you seems so scary, so full of the unknown – and you’re afraid of being alone.  But, really…how much more alone would you be?  And, how much do you know in your heart as it is?  Isn’t it true that right now is full of unknown, too?  You don’t know what they will do next, when they’ll pull your feet out from under you next…or how?

You feel scared, but the person I know is strong.  You’ve let that person make you believe that you’d be lost without them, that you would f*cked.  But, you wouldn’t be.  They’re tearing away at you, piece by piece.  But, the dreams you have?  Those don’t have to go anywhere.  The dreams can still be yours, and still come true…but the players in your dreams may just change a bit.  And, in your new dreams, the smiles may be just a little bit brighter…

Love,

Me.

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