Days like these make me feel like the worst mother in the history of …well …EVER. What kind of a mother gets so totally frustrated when her poor, sick little toddler needs her attention…for every milli-second of the day? 24/7? I mean, really?

I’m pretty much horrible as it is at playing teeny kid games – I mean, even as a kid I had a reputation of the 5 second barbie game. I could play with barbies for tiny spaces of time (only slightly longer than 5 seconds), and then I was bored. Next. With tiny toddler games and toys, there’s less to do – and, I run out of ways to spin the game to keep both of our brains going. There’s no wonder L would rather read or play solo than play with mama. Normally, after a good couple of hours, I’m being pushed to the corner of the room so she can do her thing.

Until she’s sick. And, now we are at that point where I actually need to catch up on sleep – and she can’t sleep because of the cough (which makes me cringe) and the slimy nose (and most likely sore throat, although she hasn’t actually TOLD me that because she’s really a little woman of few words. Like, read. And, eat). So, during this rough time, I really want to be there for her – but she wants me to play with her and leave her alone ALL AT ONCE. She wants me to hold her and put her down and read to her and shut up ALL AT ONCE – and quite frankly, I’m beginning to think I’m not quite qualified. I mean, I knew my job would involve multi-tasking, and I thought I was multi-tasking queen, but this chic has it down. And, she has EXPECTATIONS, and sadly I’m not living up to those very well. Sorry, kiddo.

In my head, I was so SURE that I had the most PERFECT supper meal for her: Bananas and toast. Her favorites. Until she fed them to the dog. This morning, our dog got more yellow fruit, and watermelon, and anything else I tried putting on her tray. Lucky dog. This should really tell you something. The kid must be darn sick if she is giving away the yellow fruit – it’s like the holy grail around here. She’s paired down the eating thing and is eating very minimally – only if I sing and dance though. While she eats. And no, I’m not above that. Oh, and apparently Mimi spoiled the little bugger with juice ALL WEEKEND when L visited, so she refuses to take water…or any other sippy cup except for the pink one. (Ha. Thanks, mom! – At least she’s drinking though, right?)

And now? Now, the monster is pulling out every DVD we own (there are quite a lot) and making mini mountains in the Living Room. And, I’m letting her (Hubs might even clean it up if I play dead). It’s the ONLY thing that has kept her quiet and content for over 30 minutes in the past two days (besides sleep).

One more thing…when’s the last time YOU’VE had a snotty, drooly kiss? No, not from your husband…I meant your kid. GAW.

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I’m having one of those sweet days where you are just so thankful about so much – you know, pooping rainbows and glitter and all that.  I know I recently wrote about how unhappy I was about the lack of young-er-sters (20 somethings) around here, but ya know – I really love this place.  Today, we were riding hubs’ motor scooter (I’m not allowed to call it a moped anymore – “It doesn’t have pedals!!!”), and I was just looking around at all of the beautiful scenery.  Wild flowers, wide open spaces and fields, REAL country fresh air, blue skies with cotton ball clouds, and lots and lots of….PEACE.

It’s one of my favorite things about this area.  That, and you know… people actually travel from across the US to live HERE and vacation HERE.  And, in the past couple of weeks, I’ve been visiting my neighbors more and more, and despite the fact that they could probably kill me with 1930s-1940s trivia, they are GEMS.  So what if I can’t have playdates with them?  They are fun to be around – and plus, they spoil L rotten.  And, us too.  (Although that has nothing to do with why I like them so much.  They are genuinely AWESOME.)

And, I DID see those new neighbors outside, by the way.  Because of the depression and then the whole cold thing, I put off going to their house to spy bring them a “welcome to the neighborhood” gift, but I DID see the husband outside mowing.  He’s 20s-lower 30s age range.  Which is cool.  I’m ASSUMING that his wife will be the same age range.  I know…ASSUMING makes a …well, you know.  I might actually be a little freaked out if I knock on the door with my friendly offerings, and an 80 year old woman (as his wife) opens the door.  No offense to anyone.

I’m feeling quite a bit better.  I can feel my body trying to heal.  I can also feel allergies trying to creep in – and, I’m thankful that my main complaints are ONLY tiredness and runny nose (and sneezing from allergies).

L, on the other hand?  Occasionally she gets a little warm, yucky runny nose, and it sounds like it might be moving into her chest.  Oh, and she seems to be teething more back teeth.  And, her ears are starting to ache.  She is not a happy little camper about all of this.

By the way, I wanted to explain some terms I use often, as well as some other things.  First, I have no problem with pills or medicines.  I think Western medicine has its place, but what I don’t like is just popping pills for EVERYTHING…you know, taking benadryl to sleep often, or…loads of antibiotics for everything or pills for EVERYTHING.  Sometimes, I think there’s just a better way.

And, that kind of leads me into why I TRY to do some things organic…I have an organic garden and we buy some organic products, which brings a lot of ridicule.  I believe that toxins enter our body by things we put on our skin and in our bodies…and when these toxins build up to a certain point, our bodies react…sometimes by getting sick or doing odd things.  And, it seems like these days sick is the new normal.  I know that people have always gotten sick, but it just seems like even sick people are calling themselves “healthy” these days, and to me, that’s kind of scary.  It means our idea of health has become crazily skewed.  That’s all I’m saying.  So, anyways….I know I am going to get toxins in my body from doing normal things…eating, breathing, putting things on my skin, etc…there is no way to avoid it…but I try to be selective, and I try to maintain a good diet to help keep my body healthy on the inside.  And, I can really tell a difference.  We now eat whole grain whole wheat bread with no sugars added and fresh fruits and vegetables and low sodium this and that…and, we try to cut down on processed foods, etc.  And, I can tell.  I feel more sluggish when I start to go back to the old diet of processed foods…and I get sick easier on the old diet.

Okay, so there’s that.  I’ve sort of explained that…and now onto some things I say alot and a quick explanation of what they are.

Probiotics – These are NOT antibiotics and nothing like them.  You can buy them in pill form (or liquid for kiddos), and they help keep your digestive system on track (by replenishing the “good flora” /good bacteria).  Which, of course is great to take if you are on antibiotics as antibiotics kills the good bacteria, too.  I can tell you what these are “supposed to do” and I am testing them out, but I can’t really attest to the degree that they work…

Peppermint Oil – I use essential oils for a lot of things, but for this latest cold, I mentioned using peppermint oil.  And, basically you put 2 drops on your tongue and it helps keep your immune system stable.  It also clears out your sinuses.  Heh.

Lemon Oil – I put this in my water to help “detoxify” my body.  Kinda tastes like lemon water.  Cept not.

Multivitamins – Both L and I are on these…and I’m pretty sure you know what they are.  Anyhow, we’re on whole foods vitamins, meaning they aren’t made in a lab from synthetic materials, instead they are made from REAL food and are much much better for you.  I can tell you that when I first started taking mine, it was almost a “high” because they are THAT GOOD.

Echinacea – L has these in drop form.  We’re trying to get her immune system back up.  I just bought them so I have no idea the extent to which they are working…

Cold and Sinus Oil – This is a mixture of essential oils in a carrier oil (like jojoba or olive oil), and I use it for reflexology (pressure points on her feet and hands).  Basically, it’s a foot rub with special oils, and the places I press on her feet are supposed to help make her feel better  She REALLY liked it when she was too sick to do much more than sleep.  She actually brings me the oil for it.  I also put the oil on her chest and back, and it helps her breath (like a natural “Vicks VapoRub” you could say).

Angel Baby or Gentle Baby Oil – These are two oil blends, kind of like the previous…only to help L sleep.  I rub them in the same places and we had to use those a few days ago when she couldn’t sleep.

Homeopathic Earache Tablets – Homeopathic medicine is another type of medicine that stems from the belief that like cures like…kind of like if you get stung by a bee, then part of the bee’s poison will help cure the sting…Well, I have no clue EXACTLY what is in the earache medicine as I have no clue what all cures earaches, but we’re hoping it works.  I know her earache is from this cold and teething, and I really hate antibiotics…

Garlic Oil – This is something I actually make.  You mix 1-2 cloves of garlic and olive or sweet oil and simmer it until the garlic is mushy.  Then, you let it cool and put it in their ears (strain the garlic out).  The oil soothes and the garlic kills infection.  We’ve used this for almost every minor ear infection she’s had – and it has worked.  I swear by this treatment for earaches.  Really.

Netti Pot – OMG.  I WISH L was old enough to use this.  It’s basically a little pot of water that you mix with salt and pour into your nose. You have to tilt your head a certain way, and it can burn a little bit at first (you do NOT breathe in during the process through your nose), but it clears out your sinus and makes you able to breathe and helps with colds, sinus headaches, allergies, etc.  I love this thing.  And, I use it for all of the things I mentioned.

See?  No hocus pocus and nothing too crunchy – hippy-like.  And, we really do go to the doctor too…we’d just rather try alternatives first on the less serious ailments (like colds and minor fevers and such) – kind of like some of you would rather try your benadryl and cold medicines first.

By the way, if anyone has any questions – please feel free to ask.  And, if you have any alternative routes or “home remedies” for teething (back teeth), colds, and allergies for a 16 month old, please do leave them for me!

I just wanted to say “Thank you” to my dear friend Nissa who gave me this awesome award (see above). You should really go check out her blog. She rocks my socks off.

And, a quick update for family…

It seems as if L and I both caught a cold. Actually she caught it, and then I got it from her. We’ve been doing loads of acupressure, supplements, and therapeutic oils so I’m hoping it won’t stay long. What we’re doing seems to be helping, though because baby L is already back to her less-whiny self. Me? Not so much. Ha. What can I say? – Except I want a nap! Again! And…brownies.

So, that’s kind of my warning. If you visit us, you might get a cold. Colds suck. So, if you don’t come around this weekend, we understand. And if you do? It’s totally your fault if you end up with body aches and a fever. Okay?

Yesterday, for the umpteenth time, I found something horrible – something that made me want to…well, I’m not really sure what.  I found… (wait for it…) my *special* pots in the dishwasher.  The pots that had been a gift from my parents and Grams, the pots that are the best ones we’ve ever owned, and the pots that said specifically DO NOT put them in the dishwasher (or else forfeit the guarantee).  And yet, there they sat.  In the dishwasher.

“Um, hubs.  Why are my pots in the dishwasher?”

“To clean them.”

“Okay, well…I know we’ve had this conversation several other times, and I’m really not interested in having it again.  So, just imagine the worst possible thing I could threaten you with, and consider me threatening you with that.  This was MY gift.  You don’t have to use my pots and pans (we have other, less great ones), but IF you do, you need to take care of them by my standards – regardless whether you agree.”

“(sigh)…okay…”

“This is my last warning, yo.  Next time, I’ll do something mean.  I’ll…I’ll…paint pink flowers and hearts and the word “Angel” on your new motor scooter!!!”

“Please don’t!  I understand!  It won’t happen again!  I promise!”

“Darn straight, buster.”

A few weeks ago, my husband and I entered a local drawing at Walgreens.  Err…when I say local, what I really mean is “within 1 hour driving distance.”  Anyhow, we signed our names and emails away for a chance to win (or so we thought) some Yes to Carrots products.  It’s a new, and supposedly organic, product – so, I was all in.  And because I was all for it, so was hubs.  The giveaway table was decorated with orange and yellow curled ribbon with Yest to carrots products neatly displayed.  “Would you like to try some?” asked the push saleswoman.  I hesitantly held out my hand, after all – what sort of contestant would I be if I wouldn’t even graciously put the stuff on?  I pretended to be in awe, while silently trying to evade the gag reflex triggered by both the smell of the thick hand cream and the disgusting chocolate I had taken from the table (chocolate and cinnamon apparently.  Eww.)  Unfortunately, spitting it out right then and there just wasn’t going to happen.  So, I nodded and smiled and tried my best just to swallow it.

And then, a few weeks later…we received a phone call.  We had won the giveaway!  I was excited (as we regularly DON’T win things) and so we made a *special* trip 50 minutes away to claim our prize basket.  We entered the store and announced that we were indeed the winners, ready for our luxury basket to be handed over to us.  Instead, a clear zippered bag was shoved across the counter by the frizzy haired awkward salesclerk.  “I think we need to take your picture!” she said.  “Hold on just a moment, I need to get my manager so she doesn’t think I just took the prize home instead of giving it to you.”  I looked over our “winnings” – two hideously ugly makeup bags, and an assortment of CRAP – ranging from a Sally Hanson fingernail polish duo in crimson red and clear, some of the most abhorrent knock off cologne and women’s “musk” I’ve ever smelled in my entire life, and some other stuff.  I couldn’t really tell, and I really wanted to wait to look through it all once we got in the SUV…you know, just in case my face gave away my TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT?

The two women came back, and the frizzy haired woman said “So, do we need to take their picture?”

“Why on earth would we do that?” said the tight-lipped manager.

“I don’t know, it’s what we always do.”

“Really?  I’ve never done it before.”

“Oh, well we did it once.”

“No, we don’t need a picture.”

“Excuse me,” I said, butting in.  “I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I thought the giveaway was for the Yes to Carrots products?  Are you sure this goes to us?”

“Oh no!” said the sales clerk.  “If it were up to me, we would have.  But, that’s not what we were giving away.  We were just giving away random stuff.  The manager got to pick.”

“Oh, um okay.  Well…it’s just that the entire table said that’s what the giveaway was for…and they even asked me to sample the hand cream.  It was all decorated and everything.”  I said.

“Nope.” she said.  “Sorry if you thought it was.”

I nodded and took the loot and headed out to the vehicle.  Inside, I began pulling things out.  Sally Hanson nail polish.  Check.  Nasty perfume that would singe my nose hairs should I ever wear it.  Check.  Cologne – that smelled much like the girl’s musk.  Oh wait, does that say…oh, yes it does.  They gave us the tester bottle…with the tester sticker still on it!  I looked more closely.  There was a second bottle of nasty “musk.”  Only the second one was missing some “musk” out of the bottle.  It. had. been. used.  And, then I saw a tiny compact.  I dug my hand to the bottom of the zippered bag, and pulled it out.  Hoping there would be SOMETHING worth salvaging.  I opened it, and…someone’s fingerprints?  In my new creamy eyeshadow?  YAY!!

“Stop the car.  NOW.” I said.

He obliged.

I walked through the parking lot with the little bag clasped in my hands.  I have NO problem with winning small gifts.  I have NO problem with getting other peoples leftovers, or things they don’t want – but, I have a few rules.  See, first I need to KNOW YOU.  Second, I shouldn’t think I’m “winning” a gift and then you play switcheroo.  Third, don’t make me think I’m getting something new when in fact, I’m most definitely not.

I calmly walked into the store and set the used goods on the counter in front of me.  “Excuse me, ma’am.” I said.  “I was just looking through the “prizes” and I found this (I display the first bottle of USED tester perfume) and this (displayed another bottle of tester perfume).  I DO NOT appreciate being ‘awarded’ used products.  It’s one thing to change a giveaway after the fact, but to give me used products?”

“Uh, nuh-uh.” she said.  “They weren’t used.  Nothing was used.”

“Really?  Then can you explain why their are fingerprints dug out in this?” I said, as a I pulled out and opened the compact.

“Oh ma gawwwddd!!  Someone done went and put their fingers in your makeup!!!” she said.

“Right.  Not cool.  I’m sorry, but I’m really leery to use ANYTHING in this bag, now.  I don’t know what’s been used by someone else, and what hasn’t.” I said as I pushed the bag towards her.

“Oh.  Okay.  You don’t have to keep the prize.  At least you kept the two bags, right?  Those were really cute!” she exclaimed.

I bit my tongue and refrained from telling her how awful ugly the cosmetic bags had been and volunteered to bring those back in, too.  She declined.  I asked to speak to a manager, which got me exactly NOWHERE.

It’s not so much that I have to get something, it’s the principle that matters.  A large chain just tried to screw me.

I walked back out to the SUV, my head down.  I just knew hubs would be mad at me…or at least, perturbed for making a “big deal” out of it.  I get in the car and he says “How did it go?”

“Oh.  I gave it back to them.” I said.

“Don’t give me that!  I want the word for word, blow by blow!” He said.

Guess he wasn’t mad.  He even suggested I contacted the BBB.  Hmph.  He knows me so very well.  lol

I thought that perhaps I might feel a little better if I cleaned. So, I started off with my list of tiny detail-cleaning. You know, the stuff we most often overlook and even after cleaning, you can’t really tell that you’ve done much (but if you neglect it, you’ll definitely notice)? And, then at the bottom of that list was: bleach the dingy comforter.

Let me get something straight, here. I almost NEVER use bleach. And, the comforter was clean. It was just …yellowed. It’s supposed to be white. So, I thought giving the over-sized heavy duty Company Store white(ish) down comforter a bleach bath would be a great option. I filled the tub with hot water, brought the bleach in from the garage, and poured a large dose in. And, then I brought in the comforter and dumped it in the bath. Occasionally, I’d pop back in the bathroom just to “stir” the comforter around, making sure the bleach water was evenly distributed and trying to somehow drown my gleeful comforter that smirked from the ugly grey-blue confines of my tub. With the bottom of my hairbrush, I’d poke it down once more until I was satisfied with the amount of water it’d soaked in.

After a couple of hours of laborious waiting (and cleaning), I dumped out gathered a laundry basket and then made my way into the bathroom, where I spent the next half hour trying to rinse the comforter and then squeeze out every last droplet of water. With the basket situated beside the tub, I carefully transferred the still sopping wet (despite my attempts) comforter to the basket.

I slipped on my flip flops and even some shorts as to not send any of my neighbors into heart attacks. I located the step ladder and took it outside, carefully situating it beneath the laundry line that had been put up by the previous owners (more than 3 years ago). I went back inside and grabbed the basket. I maneuvered through the house with my 40 lb basket, careful not to break anything – including my ankle. Once outside, I set that too down beside the step-ladder. I mentally did a few quick calculations and moved the basket once more. I carefully found my footing on the step-ladder, knowing that the incredibly heavy (soaking wet) comforter could easily topple me over. And, as much as a broken arm might be, I have really enjoying my “no broken bones” streak over the past 22 years. That, and a broken bone might put a cramp in the finances. Probably. Unless I let Uncle John or my FIL fix it used duct tape, of course. Very carefully, I slung the corner of the weighted comforter over my shoulder, grabbing the other corner and gently folding it over the line. Yes. Almost there. Next corner. Done. Now, I knew that all I would have to do was tug the corners down to ensure the bottom wouldn’t drag the ground. I was quite satisfied with myself and my job well done…until, of course…I noticed it.

Brown streaks all across the comforter. Shit. The line was dirty.

Laundry is for losers, and apparently…

As I sit in my darkened room, I realize that many of you may be waiting on some sort of an update. I’ve received a few emails voicing concern, and so many very wonderful messages filled with support and hope. Thank you. While I can’t say that everything is “okay,” I can say that nothing is worse. For the past few days, I’ve been dealing with some sleep issues (or, the inability to). It simply began with the inability to fall asleep – regardless of how tired I was. My mind would be blank, and yet all I could do was stare at the inside of my eyelids, hoping for a visit from the Sandman. Hours later, after drifting in and out of sleep and tossing and turning, I would give up and log onto the internet, where I’d dink around until my brain began to shut down on it’s own. Then, near morning, I’d log off and try to catch a few Z’s before the hubs and baby woke up. Naps weren’t working either; My body was so physically tired, but my brain? It wanted to stay in the “on” mode. A side effect of the new medicine? Perhaps. Although, it could’ve been many things.

Yesterday, my Grams came up to visit, and we enjoyed a great lunch at my favorite restaurant and a little perusing through some cutesy shops downtown. We talked alot and I had a great time. I love being able to spend time with her. And, when she dropped L and I off at the house, I thought for sure I’d be able to just collapse on the bed and drift straight into sleep. Nope. Nada.

Then, my wonderful in-laws invited us to supper – where I kept almost falling asleep at the picnic table. I felt awful – like I was being rude – but my brain was trying to shut down. I’m thinking that this brain of mine really does need a serious talk from me, my body. You see brain, I really need to be awake in order to do things like eat, drive, walk, socialize and take care of my kid. However, there are lots of opportunities for you to shut down – you know, when I lay down and get all comfy on that soft bed? That’s your cue. So, from now on, could you just cooperate? Pretty please? Because, just so you know…if you don’t, I have nothing against popping out the big guns and forcing you to sleep. I will do it. Don’t mess with me.

By the end of supper, my FIL offered to let me borrow some of his over the counter store brand sleeping pills they’d picked up. He swore by them, so I took a few home to try later (not to all be taken at once, mind you). And, last night before bed, I took one. I slept. Through the night. Until 9 AM. I think I still have some more “catching up” to do, but that was a great start. And, if this was a placebo effect or anything, please nobody burst my bubble – because, quite frankly, I’m happy with this whole being able to sleep thing. I don’t really care HOW it happened. I’m hoping that the cycle of sleeplessness has been broken, and perhaps tonight I can sleep again. Through the night.