Dear Ashley,

You just turned 23 and I contemplated writing a letter to your former 17 year old self – our friends tell me it’s quite therapeutic. But, to be honest, I feel that wading knee deep into the murky waters of our past won’t help much at all. You just can’t change the past, nor would I want to. Our past has helped shape who we’ve become, and it is us who chooses to allow ourselves to be continuously molded.

With that said, I do want to talk to you about now, though. God knows there is plenty to discuss. First, you really need to forgive a few people. Two, actually. The anger you’ve harbored for so long is eating you alive – you need to release it. You don’t have to open your arms completely to them just yet – or ever- but do know that your anger and resentment are making it very hard for you to see clearly. You need to let go – even if for your own sanity.

And, I know you’re terrified over the prospect of not being prepared – of not being able to stand on your own two feet, but you can’t live your life with a Plan B always lurking in the shadows, lest you wish you find yourself there (if you think about something enough, it can become your truth. IF you let it.) Stop the needless worrying about what if. Get your savings account in order, maybe even go back to school if you want to – just in case you should ever need it. And, hey. Stop stressing about whether to become a Pscyh major or Educator. Why not go for a double major? You can do it. You love learning, anyhow. Wait until the money is right and consider it your “Christmas and Birthday present” – while everyone else asks for toys and goodies, just save your money and apply it to your future college. Then, keep your certificates and be who you want to be. Even if that is a stay at home mom for the next 10 years. So what? Psychology and Education are two GREAT degrees to have as a MOM, WIFE, and FRIEND. So, go for it. Rock it. It doesn’t have to be now, but soon…in the near future.

I’m loving that you have started crafting, reading, and writing again. Keep expressing yourself. You…we …need it to survive. It’s who we are. You could definitely stand to exercise though. I mean, seriously. You aren’t fat but you really need to keep with the whole exercise regimen – especially the cardio part. For your health, remember? What good is all of this healthy eating and supplements and these natural cures and cutting down on toxins if you refuse to do the most basic thing to care for your body? We need to work this one out. Find something that doesn’t suck to do. Oh yeh, and you might want to find someone a bit more … enthusiastic …about being your cardio partner. Obviously the setup isn’t working as it is, and it’s only making you annoyed and giving you an easier time to cop-out when they drop-out. You’ve exercised how much lately? That’s what I thought. I know, I was/am there. Get on it, woman.

One last thing for now, we need to connect more often. Mostly, just watch yourself. Myself. Confused yet? Hah. Watch your language, body language, tone, and all of that. Make sure your actions and words portray the person you truly wish to be. Because, it only matters to a point what is in your head, the rest lies in what you do with it. So, make it good.

Love,

Me.

P.S. – I hope you get some really cool stuff for your birthday. Bwahahahaahahahah.

Welcome back!