Since last week, when I really began learning about the Montessori method and implementing it in our life, I’ve noticed a difference in Lorelei. Of course, there are many things that our current lives shared in common with the Montessori traditions, but by learning how to truly “study” my own child, I’ve learned so much.

For example, I look at the “testing phase” much differently. According to the Montessori tradition, the word “testing” is negative, because what a child is really trying to do during this time is LEARN what is expected of him/her in their family and society. They aren’t trying to be bad, that’s why they look to you, waiting for you to either tell them it’s okay or that it’s not. That, and at first, little ones don’t understand the meaning of “no.” They know you keep looking at them, and your voice is growing more agitated and louder, but what is mommy saying? Does she want me to touch it? So, maybe I should hurry up and touch it? –It’s so easy to become confused…both of you.

I have also learned that children WANT to help. The things we look at as chores, they look at as being a part of something, as being allowed to be part of the family unit. You may think you are doing them a favor by letting them play and do no “work,” but did you know that your child will feel more respected and will gain self confidence if allowed to do age appropriate work? The thing is, though, is you have to do it on their time. I’ve been spending a lot of time sitting quietly in L’s room as she does her solo play, just watching. Listening. I’ll watch her interact with her father and grandparents and I pay close attention to her interactions with me.

Tonight, I learned she wanted to do the dishes. She’s 16 months old and barely says a few words, so for some people, it’s hard to take her seriously. Steven was loading the dishwasher and L kept walking behind him, trying to imitate the things he was doing (which was pulling things out of the dishwasher). He would shoo her away and tell her no. Like most parents, he assumed she wanted to “play” with things that were not toys (and things that could be dangerous). But, she kept coming back. “Steven, I think she wants to help you do dishes” I said softly. He paused. He and I had talked extensively about children helping in the house – especially in regards to Montessori. “Let’s give her the silverware to sort,” I suggested.

And, sort she did. She was ready for the task, and for the next 10 minutes, she spent her time sorting dirty silverware and filling the basket (except for the knives. We put those in right before we closed the door.) In fact, she loved this so much, she got really mad when she was all finished. She was ready to dump them out and start over!

Although we now know that L CAN sort silverware, we are also aware that she may only hold interest in this particular task for a short time before she moves on to something new to learn. And, that’s okay. We thought we were saving our kid from having to do “non fun” stuff, when really we were keeping her from doing what she wanted most – being a working part of the family, doing “family” things. We are now fully aware and are immediately handing all housework over to the little one. Pronto. (Just kidding)

Welcome back!