I can’t get out of my head this crazy - and, very detailed - dream which I dreamt a few nights ago. I realize that some dreams are supposed to have meanings and all that jazz, but I’m a little befuddled as to what the meaning of my dream held. Actually, every person who asked me to tell it was immediately sorry they had, and looked at me as if I was pure craziness - which might not be that far from the truth, although I see not what the dream has to do with it.

I know you are all dying to know what my dream was about, and so I shall tell you. I don’t want anyone to hyperventilate out of the sheer torture of the unknown, so I’ll spill the morbid details:

Husband and I were standing on the sand of a lake-beach. It was late afternoon, and the crowd of people clustered across the beach, staring out over the large dock and dark waters. Suddenly, something flew low and over our heads, as if it had just taken off. Our immediate reaction was to think a plane had just taken off; but, upon a second look we realized that it was a four-wheeler. It rotated mid-air above the water, and the rider fell off. A swarm of off-duty lifeguards clustered together, intending to swim out to the man’s rescue. A young woman with dark bobbed hair pushed her way through the crowd of life guards, and was met with resistance only when the leader, another girl, told her to fall back “Lifeguards only.” The dark haired girl didn’t listen, and swam out. Together, the leader and the dark haired girl, brought the man out of the water and carried him to the LifeGuard vehicle/golf-cart. They motioned for us to come over, and we did. We figured they needed some sort of first-aid assistance and were surprised when they only asked if we had a camera. Then, they leaned in together with the deceased man’s head between their’s, hoisted up by his neck between his fingers as if he were some prized deer from a hunt. He mostly had no hair, and his skin had a grayish tinge with darkened hollows for eyes - as if he’d been there for a while. And, as they situated his body between them for the prize picture, I glimpsed a bloody mess beneath his clothes.

*End of dream*

So, let’s recap real quick: My dream was about a dead guy, dark water, and freaky lifeguards. Got it. As I was letting my daughter wind down tonight, I decided to borrow her dream book off her shelf. And, although I figured there’d be nothing much mentioned of sadistic lifeguards, bloody messes, and four-wheeler wrecks - I figured I could at least find keywords like death, water, and maybe even an emotion like fear (as “f*ed up” wasn’t an option).

I read the inside cover, and the book began to look more and more promising, telling about how if Julius Ceaser’s wife wouldn’t have ignored her dreams, the ending might’ve been different. And, how all of our dreams have either good or bad omens. So, I flipped through the pages, divided by keywords. Diamonds? No, no diamonds in this one. Kiss? No, none of those either. Naked? Eh, what kind of book is this again? Water? Ooooh there we go!

Water: To play in the water denotes a sudden awakening to love and passion. To have it sprayed on your head denotes that your passionate awakening to love will meet reciprocal consummation.

Right, well ermm…I think you’re wrong. Not only did I not get in the water, but I’m pretty sure this dude was mostly dead and not planning to wake up anytime soon. The rest of the book made me puke a little more in my mouth with each new topic - all sorts of fuzzy puppy dog butts and rainbow squirts (or something like that). I suppose a dream that includes death, sadistic lifeguards, wrecks, and scary looking dead people must mean one thing: Satan is living in my basement. Oh wait, I don’t have a basement.

Crap, I’m out of ideas then.

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