Reminders…

Do you ever hear something that just really touches you, brings memories back? This afternoon, while getting ready, I was listening to the radio and this song came on (Bye Bye by Mariah Carey –above). And, I blinked back tears as I remembered those that have entered and left my life (one way or another) and the imprints that they left.

This…is for you.For my Gramps, who I miss so very much. I see you in so many things: riding lawn mowers, gourd bird houses (any birdhouse, actually), an empty ash tray, military medals, when someone says “You ordered it. You eat it.” And, so much more. I miss you Gramps, and I hope you know how much I love you. I really did mean to say goodbye…

For the many aunts and uncles who are no longer here. I miss you all, too. Uncle Paul, you inspired me. Aunt Pat, you were always so fun and so full of life - I remember you always smiling and laughing. Uncle Milo, I remember rides on your trike. Uncle Bo, you were always so kind and so sweet…and gone in an instant. Uncle Ed, I remember the way you made us all laugh, and you could entertain us for hours–like magic. Literally.

For D. my best friend, who chose to leave when I needed you the most. You turned your back on me and voluntarily walked out of my life. I miss the person you used to be. I miss the long phone calls, and the connection we shared. I miss the way we could make each other smile through the many tears. I hope life is treating you well…

For C., the boy who held my hand when I cried. Who defended me when people trashed my name. You were the first boy I fell in love with. You picked me up when I fell, defeated. And, then…you turned around and tried to break me. But, you didn’t. Sometimes, I miss you too. Or, who you used to be. We used to have a lot of fun, together. I miss the friendship. But, to be totally honest, I hope I see you soon. And, although I’m happy now, I hope I look kick ass and I hope you see me and feel a little regret. Just because you were a total ass when we said goodbye.

For J and B. You both changed my lives dramatically. You saved me from myself and you were there when I needed someone (and didn’t know that). Thanks for that. I miss you, both. Sorry I was an idiot. And, in case you care…things are pretty great now in my life.

For S.B., I never thought your story would end the way it did. I thought you were indestructible, I guess. My mom told me when she heard. I had to pull over on the side of the road as I cried. I miss you. You held my hand and you dried my tears when I’d come to school late, crying because I just had a fight with my mom. You’d threaten to kick the other boys stupid arses, which made me laugh. When B made cry, you ran after me — ignoring the “Girls” sign on the bathroom. You drug me out and you made me talk…and then you made him be nice. And, when B2 tried to humiliate me in class, you took care of it. You had my back. I had yours. We talked everyday, and then I went away. I’m so sorry that I didn’t keep in touch…and, now you’re gone…and, it’s too late. I thought I had forever, and I was wrong.

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