Yesterday, I decided I would take on a new project.  – Not that I don’t have enough going on (in the world of craftiness – what, with making gifts and stuff for a swap, and all)…  I decided I’d try a new “sexy dress” I’d found online.  So, I grab my bag of material and the new thread and power up my sewing machine.  I was ready to rock and roll…err, sew.  Hubs was coming home early, but I still had a good hour or more before he’d be home, and I was elated that I’d be able to meet him at the door in my new dress.  After all, the chic said that the dress only took HER 30 minutes from start to finish.  And, I was a pro, right…as I’d already made one simple dress and a skirt that ended up not fitting my daughter AT ALL (I really should have rethought this).

So, I began.  I cut out my fabric, just winging it…as I had absolutely NO measurements to go by.  None.  She’s one of those geniuses that can do that and come up with stunning masterpieces…and I, well…I was hoping for the best.  Or, just stupid.  Whichever.  Anyhow, I soon figured out that I would have to modify her directions a bit (there were no patterns, just a rough explanation of how it was made to go by).  For starters, she had a um…perfect body.  Think Barbie.  No hips and a cute tiny butt.  I have hips and am ample booty.  So, yeh.  A straight triangle for my skirt-piece.  NOT gonna happen.  It suddenly became clear to me that I was going to have to make this dress …on me.  So, I sewed a little….then put it on….sewed some more…feverishly working, trying to finish before hubby got home.

Until my craft room gets totally organized (as I really REALLY need some shelving in there), my kitchen table is serving as my sewing center.  And, the only mirror is above the buffet table.  So, as I was fitting the skirt to my body, using pins to mark where the lines SHOULD be (but were not), I was also standing on a chair…in my kitchen…in my underwear.  And the skirt-part of the dress…which went right up to under my bust-line.  So, you can imagine my husband’s surprise when he walked into the door.

Not really what I had planned on.

Oh well.  At least there are LOTS of trees and we have blinds.  I really would like a sewing room now.  And a dress form to my measurements.

Oh yeh…and the dress?  It looks like it came straight out of an 80s nightmare.

Welcome back!

I’m all about discovering yourself, accountability, and personal growth, but this one is kind of hard for me.  For a variety of reasons:  1, I’d rather not look too hard and 2, my husband doesn’t really vocalize my many shortcomings as a human, wife, and mother.  But, here goes.  You do it too if you have the balls, metaphorically speaking…or literally…whatever.

My husband’s pet peeves regarding Me….or what I think they would be…

1.  I’m a list-maker.  Every year, I make a master list of goals I want to accomplish.  They are my “resolutions” so to speak.  Every week, I make lists including stuff like: Clean this or that, or complete this project, etc.  And, then in my head I give myself so many “tasks” to do each day.  My husband?  Not so much.  He’s a free spirit.  So, we clash a lot.  I like to feel like SOMETHING is getting done, and he’s happy just being…  Sometimes I envy that (although then we might need a maid).

2.  I’m vocal.  As much as I talk and clean out my mind via conversation or this blog, I do hold a LOT in still.  But, still…from time to time something will happen and I kinda ream him in public I guess.  Most of the time it’s all in good humor…but there have been a few times on this blog (and in public) where I’ve called him out on something or totally vented.  I have trouble with where to draw the line, as this is virtually my blog – but, I have so many readers.  I don’t necessarily mean to “air my dirty laundry,” but this is my life…and my brutal honesty sometimes just gets in the way.

3.  I hate bad karaoke.  –Like the beginning of American Idol where they are sifting through the first batch of people.  It’s funny if I’m drinking or just for a little while, but REALLY obnoxious karaoke is like nails on a chalkboard.  This is sometimes a problem because hubs likes to sing.  And, sometimes he doesn’t know the words or the tune.  But, he still likes to just let it out and have fun.  Me, on the other hand…I like to be stupid when either I know the song…or the music is really loud.  Sometimes I need a break from my real-life musical – You just never know when he’ll break out into song and dance.

4.  I’m very budget oriented.  Mostly because I feel like I have to be (for now), but I won’t buy chips, or any totally non nutritious foods.  To me, it’s a waste of money – which could have been spent on healthier options.

5.  I almost have a heart attack for buying myself something nice that is kind of costly.  True story.  Used to, it wasn’t a problem.  But now?  I feel like I’m supposed to give it almost all up for my family.  If it doesn’t do something for the family, we don’t need it.  So, when the Cricut first came out (A $200 scrapbooking thing), I really wanted it.  Steven puts it in the cart.  I make it to the next aisle and grab it from the cart and put it back on the shelf.  He put it back in the cart.  He basically had to FORCE me to get it.  HE had no problem, but the guilt?  It was killing me.

6.  I won’t let him get a motorcycle.  In theory, I have no problem with them.  In reality, I don’t want my husband and the father of my child(ren) to get hurt.

7.  Me using the dishwasher is like…like throwing dishes into a cyclone.  Seriously for some reason or another, I do it wrong.  So, that, the trash, and kitty litter are his main chores.  For the most part I do the other main stuff.  I’m not necessarily saying I want to take on more chores, but it sometimes does cause fights.

8.  I’m not that great on keeping our house perfect.  If you walked in RIGHT now, the floors need to be vacuumed and mopped, the Living Room….err…all of the rooms…need to be picked up.  The Living Room and Nursery are totally Lorelei’s fault, but the Dining Room table is full of my craft stuff (I’m working on a bunch of projects), and the bedroom is kind of where we both have let stuff just…collect.  Shame on us.  Which is why I’m trying this whole Project Organization 2008.

9.  Sometimes I expect him to do things on my timeline.  I used to be okay with waiting it out…but then, weeks passed and it never got done…so I did it.  And, then it just ended up being a vicious cycle.  So, now…that’s where we are.

10.  Sometimes, I have a hard time at letting things go (like past hurts).  I really do try and I really do notice the great new things…but when things go bad, the old stuff still comes to mind…and I feel like we are falling back into that place again.

11.  I don’t do the whole ’50s housewife thing.  When we first got married he liked how it was.  Now, I’m not too sure.  I think he’d really like to come home to no chores at all, a perfectly clean house, and dinner on the table.

12.  I don’t get dressed up when I stay home all day.  I mean, I know all the psychology about getting dressed and how it’s supposed to make you feel great, but truly, that doesn’t work for me just staying home.  I tried it.  All I tend to think about is how the baby just rubbed banana and maple syrup on my blouse and now I have to change clothes…again.  Meaning, more washing.  I don’t think I fit into that whole Sexy housewife thing he had going on in his head when we got married.

13.  I internalize a lot.  And, when I get overly stressed (this takes a while…I slowly let it build up, until boom…it takes over)…which doesn’t happen often…but when it does – I just start crying.  I feel like I’m totally incapable of doing anything.  And, I lose my fight for a bit.  This is only when things get really rough and accumulate…which we’ve had our share in the past few years…but all the same, I’m sure it’s annoying.

Okay…I tried really hard to do this list…but, to be totally honest, that’s all I have.  Not necessarily the end of “why I suck” list, but what about it annoys my husband.  I’m sure I can be annoying, but he’s accepted me for who I am for the most part.  So, you’ll have to ask him.

Oh yeh.  #14.  I’m bossy as all get out.

Jobs I’ve Had:

Babysitter:  I’ve babysat all sorts of monstrous delightful children.  I think I made around $5 an hour…not bad, I guess.  But, if I were to do it again, I’d charge much much more.  In fact, I don’t think I’d be affordable (unless you are my friend and your kids are disciplined).

Board of Education: This was actually a really nice job…except it was temporary.  For a short time, I answered phones and did secretarial jobs, and if I do say so myself, I was darn good at it.  I did my job and more.  In fact, I was told they’d love to have me back…

Tutor: I liked this one too…  I love teaching, and I might have been a teacher had I not have to put up with the parents…

Photography Studio :  I did the ordering, some light editing, acting for the company’s Halloween Haunted Themepark, and then training to be a wedding planner.  But, apparently it was my fault for my boss having bought some shoddy equipment and I got cussed out and called all sorts of wonderful names.  A week later, I quit.  Boss is one of those people that are great…just not necessarily as your boss.

Catering:  I dressed all snazzy, had french-braided hair and decorated tablescapes and buffets for large parties and weddings…and then, I served the food, cleaned up, and helped load the vans.  This was some of the most tiring work ever.  Get to work around 2 pm and leave around 11pm after being on your feet all day in the most uncomfortable black shoes.  And, at the end of the night, accidentally spill a huge cooler full of iced tea down your white shirt.  Love it.  At least the tie and pants were black.

Library:  I don’t know exactly what my job title was, but when I went to Eastern KY to school, one of the tricky fine print parts of the SCHOLARSHIP was that I had to have a job on campus and get paid $3/hr.  I have allergies and I slightly exaggerated, so I got out of having to clean with the harsh cleaners and some of the nastier outdoor jobs.  And, somehow I managed to not get a food job.  But, I did get the library.  It was easy, but not at all creative …or anything else for that matter.  I filed the little cards, put the metal strips in books, and worked in the micro fiche lab late at night.  What did I learn from that experience?  Where to rip if you want to sneak a book out.  Classy.

“The Big Cow”:  Restaurant actually.  We nicknamed it “The Big Cow”…well, not we…it had that name before I got there.  I switched towns, and this was another college job…at yet another college.  I was the hostess.  It was supposed to be temporary status, as the owner swore he’d move me to waitressing tables, since I did that AND take care of the salad bar anyways (when certain people couldn’t do their jobs).  But, he never moved me…despite my persistent asking.  This is also where I met my husband…and the other cute boys.  Haha (Love you dear.)  I walked out of this job.  No, actually, I called in and said “Hi, yeh.  I don’t think I’m gonna come in tomorrow (it was night).”  He asked me if I thought I owed him an explanation or at least 2 weeks.  I paused for a second in thought and replied:  “Um, no.  I really don’t!”  By the way, dude.  I totally heard you making comments to the “guys” in the back about me…

And then…jobs I wanted…or thought I did…

A Teacher:  I had this schoolroom barbie as a kid.  Funny thing is, I had a whole tote of barbies, but could only stand playing with them for short periods of time.  Anyways, I thought it’d be sooo cool to be a teacher.  I grew up in a small private Catholic schools, and most of the kids there were very behaved.  I liked most of my teachers and wanted to grow up to be just like them.  Only skinnier.  And, then, I went to a different private school (and a public one after that) and figured out really quick that a teacher is not what I wanted to be after all.  Not unless I get to pick the students.  That – and – I hate vomit.  Eww.

A Veterinarian:  I love animals, but I have this thing called allergies.  In fact, I used to get shots for said allergies.  Why would I want to be a vet, then – you ask?  Because I wanted to save animals.  Problem number 2 is that I hate cutting things open, stitching up skin and organs, poking things in rears, dealing with fecal or vomit matter,  and giving shots.  What exactly did I plan to do?  Stand there and WILL an animal back to life?  It never worked for the squirrels our cat caught, why would it then?

A rich housewife (and mom) in a huge house with 2 vacation properties:  I think this one is pretty self explanatory.  Oh, and did I mention that I want maids?  Yeh, I wanted to be a housewife in the effect that I would be home…err…shopping.  But, not so much cleaning.  Allergies, remember?  Or, that’s what I’m going with.

Psychologist:  This was actually my major in college.  And then, I met my husband.  I wanted to get my PhD and actually become a psychiatrist, so I could prescribe meds.  I was going to work for several years and then build my own office and clinic.  The problem with this whole plan, despite how much I LOVE psychology is that…it is very likely that I might meet some scaries…and for some reason or another they may decide that they should be homicidal, and the target should be me.  And, once I was engaged, I no longer wanted to have a job that could cause my family to be a target.

Wedding/Event Planner:  I love to throw parties.  Especially if I can spend someone else’s money to do it.  I love the planning and the decorating.  I LOVE it.  (So, um…if you need me, just call me).  I am even a certified wedding planner.  Yea!  Go me!  Turns out, people in Western KY are a bunch of cheapskates.  I kept getting a bunch of phone calls wanting my services…fo’ free.

Photographer:  Actually, I want to do this as a hobby.  I already do, actually.  I need to read my camera’s manual though.  *sigh*

Personal Shopper:  Guys, I’m so up for hire, here.  And, I will travel.  Just call me.  lol

Exotic Dancer:  I’ve always wanted to learn how to oh I’m so kidding mother.  Don’t have a heart-attack.  And, put down the phone…there’s no need to call Fr. Bruce.

So, what did I do?  I decided to become a mom!  Ha.  I get to craft for my family and make things (it’d be cool if I could sell some things too), and when Lorelei is older, I’ll homeschool.  So, I get to do the teacher thing, the psych thing, and event planner (lots of parties).  It’s like a win-win situation.  It would only be cooler if I got paid!  Haha. 

Your turn!

Husband: (in the other room singing very offkey and with no regards to the actual words of the song- any of them.  Singing the same “song” over and over and over and over and over.)

Me: (trying to read and concentrate on a very important Joeprah’s blog article.) Honey!  Would you please be quiet?  (in my sweetest tone)

Husband:  What for?

Me:  Because you’re annoying as hell.

Husband:  Heh.  You ain’t seen nothing yet.

(Oh boy.)

Alrighty, so this is a plug for my First Impressions blog, actually.  Please go here: http://firstimpressionsbaby.blogspot.com/2008/05/huge-giveaway.html

and help a girl out.  The directions for the giveaway (which is what the link is for) are there…and if you enter (by following said directions…which are REALLY easy), you will be helping me win something too!  So pretty please?  You get a chance to win and so do I!

And, if you are one of my beloved guy readers…you can join too!  It’s stationery type stuff (personalized), so if you aren’t into some cool “daddy cards,” and personalized notepads, etc…Mother’s day IS coming up.  So, please?  If nothing else, do it as a favor to me.  lol.  Yes, it does appear I’m begging.  So, pretty please?