The “Why I suck” or “My Beautiful Flaws” list - Inspired by Mr. Lady

I’m all about discovering yourself, accountability, and personal growth, but this one is kind of hard for me.  For a variety of reasons:  1, I’d rather not look too hard and 2, my husband doesn’t really vocalize my many shortcomings as a human, wife, and mother.  But, here goes.  You do it too if you have the balls, metaphorically speaking…or literally…whatever.

My husband’s pet peeves regarding Me….or what I think they would be…

1.  I’m a list-maker.  Every year, I make a master list of goals I want to accomplish.  They are my “resolutions” so to speak.  Every week, I make lists including stuff like: Clean this or that, or complete this project, etc.  And, then in my head I give myself so many “tasks” to do each day.  My husband?  Not so much.  He’s a free spirit.  So, we clash a lot.  I like to feel like SOMETHING is getting done, and he’s happy just being…  Sometimes I envy that (although then we might need a maid).

2.  I’m vocal.  As much as I talk and clean out my mind via conversation or this blog, I do hold a LOT in still.  But, still…from time to time something will happen and I kinda ream him in public I guess.  Most of the time it’s all in good humor…but there have been a few times on this blog (and in public) where I’ve called him out on something or totally vented.  I have trouble with where to draw the line, as this is virtually my blog - but, I have so many readers.  I don’t necessarily mean to “air my dirty laundry,” but this is my life…and my brutal honesty sometimes just gets in the way.

3.  I hate bad karaoke.  –Like the beginning of American Idol where they are sifting through the first batch of people.  It’s funny if I’m drinking or just for a little while, but REALLY obnoxious karaoke is like nails on a chalkboard.  This is sometimes a problem because hubs likes to sing.  And, sometimes he doesn’t know the words or the tune.  But, he still likes to just let it out and have fun.  Me, on the other hand…I like to be stupid when either I know the song…or the music is really loud.  Sometimes I need a break from my real-life musical - You just never know when he’ll break out into song and dance.

4.  I’m very budget oriented.  Mostly because I feel like I have to be (for now), but I won’t buy chips, or any totally non nutritious foods.  To me, it’s a waste of money - which could have been spent on healthier options.

5.  I almost have a heart attack for buying myself something nice that is kind of costly.  True story.  Used to, it wasn’t a problem.  But now?  I feel like I’m supposed to give it almost all up for my family.  If it doesn’t do something for the family, we don’t need it.  So, when the Cricut first came out (A $200 scrapbooking thing), I really wanted it.  Steven puts it in the cart.  I make it to the next aisle and grab it from the cart and put it back on the shelf.  He put it back in the cart.  He basically had to FORCE me to get it.  HE had no problem, but the guilt?  It was killing me.

6.  I won’t let him get a motorcycle.  In theory, I have no problem with them.  In reality, I don’t want my husband and the father of my child(ren) to get hurt.

7.  Me using the dishwasher is like…like throwing dishes into a cyclone.  Seriously for some reason or another, I do it wrong.  So, that, the trash, and kitty litter are his main chores.  For the most part I do the other main stuff.  I’m not necessarily saying I want to take on more chores, but it sometimes does cause fights.

8.  I’m not that great on keeping our house perfect.  If you walked in RIGHT now, the floors need to be vacuumed and mopped, the Living Room….err…all of the rooms…need to be picked up.  The Living Room and Nursery are totally Lorelei’s fault, but the Dining Room table is full of my craft stuff (I’m working on a bunch of projects), and the bedroom is kind of where we both have let stuff just…collect.  Shame on us.  Which is why I’m trying this whole Project Organization 2008.

9.  Sometimes I expect him to do things on my timeline.  I used to be okay with waiting it out…but then, weeks passed and it never got done…so I did it.  And, then it just ended up being a vicious cycle.  So, now…that’s where we are.

10.  Sometimes, I have a hard time at letting things go (like past hurts).  I really do try and I really do notice the great new things…but when things go bad, the old stuff still comes to mind…and I feel like we are falling back into that place again.

11.  I don’t do the whole ’50s housewife thing.  When we first got married he liked how it was.  Now, I’m not too sure.  I think he’d really like to come home to no chores at all, a perfectly clean house, and dinner on the table.

12.  I don’t get dressed up when I stay home all day.  I mean, I know all the psychology about getting dressed and how it’s supposed to make you feel great, but truly, that doesn’t work for me just staying home.  I tried it.  All I tend to think about is how the baby just rubbed banana and maple syrup on my blouse and now I have to change clothes…again.  Meaning, more washing.  I don’t think I fit into that whole Sexy housewife thing he had going on in his head when we got married.

13.  I internalize a lot.  And, when I get overly stressed (this takes a while…I slowly let it build up, until boom…it takes over)…which doesn’t happen often…but when it does - I just start crying.  I feel like I’m totally incapable of doing anything.  And, I lose my fight for a bit.  This is only when things get really rough and accumulate…which we’ve had our share in the past few years…but all the same, I’m sure it’s annoying.

Okay…I tried really hard to do this list…but, to be totally honest, that’s all I have.  Not necessarily the end of “why I suck” list, but what about it annoys my husband.  I’m sure I can be annoying, but he’s accepted me for who I am for the most part.  So, you’ll have to ask him.

Oh yeh.  #14.  I’m bossy as all get out.

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