Questioning myself…

Approximately a week ago (maybe two), Lorelei started showing signs of seasonal allergies (pollen, grass, etc.).  I wasn’t too concerned as I have allergies as well, and so I can at least spot it and know what it is.

But, then…things changed.  A few days ago, we both developed new symptoms.  Maybe you remember me mentioning that after my garden planting palooza, I was rather tired?  –Well, I stayed that way…for an entire WEEK (still feel that way).  I have almost no energy.  I can take naps all day long and get to bed early…and still?  I wake up feeling like I never even went to bed.  Nap or no nap, I feel spent.  I tried it both ways.

After a few days of this, I began to realize it’s not in fact just the normal tiredness that accompanies manual labor.  My body is up to something - I just have no clue what!  But, then…around Thursday or so, Lorelei started showing extra symptoms.  She began to get fussy - which is NOT normal for her.  Her sleeping patterns became irregular, she was/is now waking up mid-nap cranky and upset (same thing in the middle of the night).  And then…she started the ear pulling and grabbing at her head.

I have been studying and researching some forms of natural healing.  And, I have to tell you: I’m at odds with myself.

Part of me says:

“There is no fever and snot is clear.  We both have the exact same symptoms, so despite the clear snot, it is most likely no longer allergies (I’ve had horrid allergies my whole life…this is NOT it)…in fact, I’m going to bet that it can be passed on (since we both have it), I can’t think of anything we’ve both come in contact with that would make us feel this way.  SO, it’ll likely just pass on its own. I can make her ear drops just in case the fluid builds in her ears and the drops will fight off infection.  I can use saline drops, the “booger snatcher”, humidifier, and then tylenol at night to help any pain that may wake her up at night.  We no longer have insurance, so the doctor visit will cost money.  If they swab her or do any pricks or blood tests…that’s more money…and then, since doctors are pretty much KNOWN to hand out prescriptions for WHATEVER…I have that too…  No fever.  No vomiting.  She acts giggly (but easily upset and a bit whiny) when she’s up.  She coughs MOSTLY while she’s laying down (indicating drainage…which I have all of this as well).  So…I should just keep her home and watch her closely for any signs of things getting worse (and continue the ear drops and other measures).”

The other part of me says:

“What?  Are you an idiot?  Take her to the doctor.  So what if she doesn’t need it?  So what if it just turns out to be … a cold.  At least then you won’t have to worry about the cough turning into something bad - or if it is an ear infection…that could be bad if the drops happen to not take care of it.  Besides, you’ve been wanting to have her checked out anyways in regards to her weight/height.  You can do this too at this appointment (I can go free for this part any day during the week if I call beforehand…I just don’t usually have a ride).  Besides, it’s your baby.  YOUR BABY!  *Queue memories of stories of kids dying tragic deaths because their parents didn’t take their kids to the doctor over seemingly simple symptoms.  Queue overwhelming guilt*  ”

Then, part one says:

” Um okay.  Sure.  Take her to the doctor for what is possibly a stupid cold.  Spend the money, and make your husband leave his job to drive all the way out of town and back again to take us all to the doctor.  Of course they said they need to see her if she has a cough and any signs of an ear ache.  But, she ALWAYS plays with her ears.  They don’t want to be liable, you dummy!  So, what if you take her and then guess what…maybe it’s nothing now…but they’ll still tell you to BRING HER BACK if you notice any change.  So, you can’t exactly STOP coughs moving to the chest or ear infections if there is no proof it’s there yet.  So, you can take her today and in a couple of weeks need to go again.  But, oh wait.  You can’t.  Want to know why?  Because you took her today! For. What. Is. Likely. To. Be. A. Cold.  Besides, you have the same thing…and are you about ready to die?  Hmm?  No!  Gaww…such a freaking wuss.  Seriously.”

Part two:

“But she’s your Baaaaaabbbbyyyy!!!  Besides, just because YOU have it…doesn’t mean hers isn’t developing differently…REMEMBER?  Could start out the same but have different outcomes because it’s two different bodies and two different immune systems.  OBVIOUSLY.  Besides…wouldn’t you feel just sooo awful if something did happen?  Hmm?  Oh and by the way: IF it’s an ear infection and isn’t cleared up, it can cause HUGE problems that last for the rest of her life.  How about that?”

Part two wins.  She’s going to the pediatrician at 2:20 pm for what is most likely a freaking cold.  Part two, along with other “advice” from outside (of my head) parties have made me feel incredibly guilty for even considering otherwise.  So, we will go.  I will be the whiny mother who rushes to the doctor every time her daughter sneezes.  (Well, not exactly).

So, does anyone else have these battles in their heads?  I mean…I’m not hearing voices, so you in the white coats can back up a little bit and stop crowding me over here…but…do you go back and forth?  - Or can you just make decisions about your child’s welfare without thinking again about it?

Or, maybe I should just go voluntarily release myself to the nearest psychiatric ward?

I'd love it if you stalked me (subscribe to my RSS feed). Thanks for visiting!