Yesterday evening, my husband barged through the bathroom door - I was taking a shower (that HAD been relaxing)…and he had just gotten home from work. Let the interrogation begin.
Him: How was your day today?
Me: Sucked.
Him: Why?
Me: I just need some me time.
Him (CLEARLY not getting the picture): Oh. Well…what did you do today.
Me: Stuff.
Him (still not getting the picture): I know that…but what?!
Me (pulls back the curtain): You want a list?
Him: Sure!
Me: I don’t remember.
Him: How can you not remember?
Me: I choose not too.
Him: So, you had fun playing with Lorelei ALL DAY today?
Me: (gives him the eye…but the curtain is close so he doesn’t see). Oh. Yay.
Him: (laughs)
….
There’s more. But, I’m stopping there. Lorelei had truly been a grump yesterday, and I did tell him that - complete with my wonderful and quite entertaining story telling abilities. But, since you can’t see what I’m doing over here…you won’t get it anyways.
But, the thing is is that my husband ASSUMES (even though I correct him…often) that all I do ALL day is sit on my bum AND/OR play with Lorelei ALL DAY…having tons of fun while he has to sludge off to work (his dream job) and work all day (on stuff he loves doing). Poor him. Waah.
Today, I thought I’d make a list. So, when he asks me what I did today…I can tell him. Because I wrote it down.
My list:
8:30am - wakeup, bathroom, creep into Living Room, put load of laundry in washer, fix internet (it wasn’t working), check email and blogs, take the dog out to go pee
9:00am - clean up the dog’s messes (which Steven ignored and left ME to clean. How thoughtful.). Begin thawing strawberries for L’s breakfast. Clean microwave (something Steven was supposed to do last month last night …and didn’t). Make strawberry oatmeal for Lorelei. Get Lorelei up. Change her diarrhea diaper. Comfort one screaming baby.
9:30 am - Feed Lorelei
9:45 am - wrestle spoon away from Lorelei…which she throws to the dog. Tackle dog and get spoon back…throw it in the sink. Put bowl in the sink and rinse out. Calm pissed off baby. Wash baby’s face and hands. Call even more pissed off baby. Fix her bottle and give it to L. Start dishwasher. Sort mail from MONTHS ago (that Steven was supposed to sort…MONTHS ago - Mail that was his and had stuff like “last notice” and “payment Late” all over the front. Thanks for hiding that, dear.)
10:00 am - Put L in her playpen to play. Go back to sorting mail. Wash, dry, and put away dishes. Stop - baby is crying. Put L in crib for nap. Return to dishes (by hand).
10:30 am - Wash L’s plastic bibs. Stuff diapers. Put clothes in dryer. Sort and wash white clothes/towels. Sweep kitchen. Sweep kitchen again.
11:00 am - Empty Trash (ANOTHER one of the things Steven promised to do. Oh, and when I ask to “take trash out”…I don’t necessarily mean piling it up in the garage until we can no longer open any of the 3 garage doors.). Sweep bathroom. Scrub bathroom counter. Change TP out. Put laundry in laundry room. Clean bathroom mirror. Call Dish Network and cancel service because husband failed to do so ONE WEEK AGO and we can no longer afford it.
11:30 am - Have something similar to a mental breakdown (okay not exactly…but I was pretty pissed/upset). Work on ParentFISH. Respond to business emails. Check a few more blogs. Google “Estranged”.
…..
I had to stop there. The list was pissing me off. Every thing I began doing that Steven had swore he’d do…pisses me off. Normally, I do it…forget about it…and move on. But, writing it down? Not helpful. THIS is why I don’t want to talk about what ALL I did. That, and it’s way too much to tell. I do ALOT. I only listed a few hours of my day.
He wonders why I don’t read while he’s at work…instead of waiting til night-time…I’m sorry…when did I have time? According to him, though, I was just sitting on my butt all day playing with L.
Totally.
That’s exactly what I was doing.
And now? I’m going to go clean the commode…
….with your toothbrush.
So put that in your juice box and suck it.
Welcome back!
April 1st, 2008 at 1:06 pm
Anyone who does not stay at home with the kids, does not understand all that goes on. My dear hubby was as the same mind as his son until he spent a year at home with the kids and housework while I went to work. He definitely appreciated what I did (and me more) and was in a BIG hurry to go back to work.
Hang in there sweetie. Love ya.
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Love ya
I guess it’s good to know I’m not the only one. But, it really doesn’t make me feel MUCH better. Ha.
April 1st, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I did stay at home with my 2 daughters for about 3 months after a fall at work and a back injury. I thought “wow, this is so cool. i can hang out all day and watch TV and play with the kids.” Needless to say it did not work out quite that way. Kids are a handful and then some. The daily needs, the feedings (the kids were young 3 & 5), and all the daily routines of washing and cleaning and breaking up fights etc.
Although I can’t defend hubby for his lack of following thru on the bills and trash detail, I can say that most guys have no clue what it takes to stay at home with little kids. By the end of the day I was trashed and all I wanted was to be alone and for everyone to bug off for awhile.
My hat is off to all people (women and men) who have choosen to stay at home so that they can be there for their young kids in the early stages of life. It is well known that from birth until about 5 years old, the human brain becomes hard-wired and the personality is pretty much fixed by 5 years of age. The learning and the environment that the child is in during those important years will shape much of their attitude about life and how they react to life as older kids and adults.
Maybe let your hubby stay home with the baby for a couple days and you go out and do something for yourself (which i think is very important anyway since all day you give everything to your daughter). Maybe he will have a better understanding about what you go thru during a typical day with her.
I am sure he means well and that he loves you both beyond measure, but for him to really “get” what he just can’t see, he needs to experience that part for himself. As a guy and former single dad of 6 years I know the daily strength that is required to care for a child, so i have an inside track on it, that most dads don’t.
Just my 2-cents worth.
JD
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Great insight. Unfortunately, I don’t think a couple of days would do it. He’d have to see over a couple of months time, how not doing housework would collect up. Although, I really do need a break…so I may do that anyways
April 1st, 2008 at 3:09 pm
oh girlfriend. One day my husband asked me a question like that, and I wrote him a book. Then I took a day off and left him with my “instructions”
It was GOLD.
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My “instructions” do no good around here. He says he’ll do them “later”…translation: NEVER or IF I feel like it *sigh*
April 1st, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Oh snap!
Good for you girlie! Hugs and love! Maybe Cam can take care of my boys for a day, and Steven can take care of L for a day so that we can have a mommy’s day out! 
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I SO need a mommy’s day out. Something to refresh my soul. Feeling rather crummy lately.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:29 am
hi ash, oh you crack me up. funny post, i can almost see you rolling your eyes at him. thanks for the awesome sweetness you left on my blog last night.
you rock
sure am enjoying your chats a lot. great day girlie, kathleen xo
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LOL I gave up eye-rolling. I did it so much, it made my head hurt.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:15 am
I used to get the same response from my ‘working’ mom friends when I decided to ’stay’ home with my kids. Who do they think actually does all the work…. maid fairies?
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Maid Fairies. Dang. I knew I forgot something. Must have missed that chapter in the Secret Society of Women’s handbook. Crap. Do you have the number? I need one sent to my house right away. Oh, and how about the number for the whoop-ass fairy?
April 2nd, 2008 at 11:00 am
Ugh, questions and assumptions like that annoy me too. I don’t think anyone can understand what we have to do to manage a household and family alone all day, everyday unless they do it themselves….for months! Seriously, hubby would take care of our daughter for 1 weekend alone, and he said everything went great, and when I came home, it looked like a tornado went through the house…
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Oh gosh, could you imagine though? Leave them alone for months? *bites fingernails* I think I’d wanna doze the house rather than tackle that clean up job.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Okay so this is my 1st time on your blog and I am loving it! Have no clue how I even got here….
I stay home with my 3 darling children and sometimes I feel like I am drowning in chaos and that everyone around me has it so together. Glad to know I’m not alone! Makes getting through it a lil’ easier.
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Welcome to my blog! And, OH honey, you are SO not alone. You come back to visit anytime you need to feel better…I rant like a crazy woman. Fo’ shizzle.