You know, I really do love my animals (we have 2 cats and a little Yorkie, all indoors). I do. Really. But, you know…I really didn’t think of the long term. I’m awful, I know.

I got Thomas…the fat cat in college. He was so sweet, and so pitiful looking. I found him at the pet shelter, covered in poo and crying. The only way I could get him to quit crying (his mama had died, so he didn’t have the comfort of her), was to sing Amazing Grace to him. And, in my arms, he’d fall asleep. My heart broke into a thousand tiny pieces, and I brought him home.

Meet Thomas.

Of course, now he’s bigger and fatter with green eyes. More like this…

And, with some of the softest fur EVER.

So, Thomas and I were happy. It was just the two of us, and we did great. And, then…one day at his regular checkup with the vet’s office, they laid it on me. There had been a kitten dropped off…only a couple of months old. Needed a home. Could have been from Thomas’ litter (LIARS)…would I please take him? They didn’t want an adoption fee AND they’d give me his first vet check up for FREE. Like I can say no to a homeless kitten? (Btw, I’ve since learned how, so don’t bring them over here.)

Meet Valentino (he didn’t come with a name, so I named him Valentino).

Yes, he’s in the toilet. At the apartment, I was training them to use the toilet (you insert a litterbox inside the lid…and hell, just google it). Anyways, I’ve since abandoned all efforts. They wouldn’t flush. They can use the litterbox like normal kitties.

Fast forward to 2006, and we got Glory. Our little ADHD Yorkie.

I never really thought about all the messes. All the hairballs. All the oopses. I never thought about what if Glory refused to be completely potty trained? – She “pretends” to potty outside (she can’t fake the pooping, but she can fake the squatting to pee), just to come inside and make me a puddle. She is no long allowed on carpeted areas unless she has JUST pottied OUTSIDE and I know FOR SURE. Which is never – I have better things to do to go see if she got the grass wet. I never thought about the constant shedding. Or, that we’d have to keep 2 litter boxes because that’s what the cats want, despite the fact that one is self cleaning. Or – that the cats would knock things in the floor just to watch Glory grab it and chew it into pieces…and then HER get into trouble. Or, that the cats would eat any flowers that Steven should bring me home. I’m really surprised they are still alive. Roses, Orchids, Daffodils, Lillies, Daisies…all of those are apparently not poisonous.

I love my animals…when I’m not cleaning up after them…and when Glory isn’t chasing after the cats yipping, or when she’s not sitting at the gate doing her combined yipping/crying.

But, this year…I think they are all getting shaved. Even hubs. I really do have better things to do than to sweep the house and vacuum EVERY day. I mean, I could be blogging.

I wanted to be a SAHM…not a SAH maid. Emphasis on the MOM…I wanted to be a stay at home MOM…meaning take care of my daughter…not stuff her in the play pen so I can do the dirty dishes hubs PROMISED every day LAST WEEK he’d do “TONIGHT”….and then, just to hit up the rest of the neverending chores…80 lbs of hubs’ laundry, picking up, sweeping, dusting, vacuuming, de-germing, hubs’ messes…etc.

I mean, what do I look like? No, don’t answer that. Really. But, seriously…this house. It’s making me crazy. I can clean ALL day, and you couldn’t even tell…because it’s all the little things. Dusting, sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing, etc. I’ve been trying to tell Steven for almost 3 years that I can’t do it by myself…or, rather…I won’t. He agrees…tells me he’ll do it…not to worry…and then…doesn’t do it.

I’m such a lucky wife. He’s damn lucky he brings me flowers.

That’s all I’m saying…that, and I want a raise.

Welcome back!

I’d love to tell you that I had the energy to clean today. That, however, would be a lie. Instead, I organized a few things upstairs and brought a busting-at-the-seams notebook downstairs – Purely with the intention of going through it to figure out what I’d like to keep, and what to throw out.

It was a large, blue, and battered (well, still is I suppose)…and it was from my Senior year in Highschool. An accumulation of some of the papers I kept from that year. AP English. AP Art. AP Biology. Most everything was from English class. But, stuck deep down in one of the folders was a purple piece of paper, folded in half. It read: “Welcome to the Real World.” It was from a life skills program from the 4-H program – aka Reality Store. This tiny paper only brought back a couple of memories for me. One, I won the “best kiss” contest and thus won play money for my Reality Store Purchases (and, for the “real world,” I won chocolates and some Mary Kay lipgloss). Two, I remember doing exceptionally well in the reality store, and telling them that they didn’t truly cover their bases – For, if I only had such little cash, I would not pay for my kid a haircut. I’d do it myself. And, I would not take them to GAP…we’d hit up the consignment stores.

That’s it. Those were my two memories. Intrigued, I opened the folded purple paper, and began to read:

Let’s pretend you are 25 years old. You are the sole support for your household. Please answer the following questions prior to entering the Reality Store:

1. What level of education do you plan to complete? PhD

2. What is your occupations? Psychologist.

3. How many children would you have? 1

List gender and ages: girl, 2 years

4. Would you rent or own a home? Own

Describe your home: big

5. What kind of car would you have? Mustang (blue)

6. What would you do for entertainment? work/sports/be with my family

7. Where would you go on vacation? depends

8 . How much money would you like to be able to save each month? $1,000

9. When you purchase groceries, would you buy mostly low-cost, moderately -priced, or high priced items? Circle one. Whichever suits my needs. (I didn’t circle any)

Whoa.

At 22 years of age, I can most certainly tell you that I will not have a PhD in 2.5 years. No way. I do, however have one daughter…and she will be almost 3 by the time I’m 25. I will probably never buy that blue (2001) Mustang. Some priorities just change when you get older wiser.

But, as I read back over the words “Let’s pretend you are 25 years old. You are the sole support for your household…”, I am haunted. At 17, did I know something about myself – that now, I can’t even see? I AM wanting to go back to college – for psychology. Not necessarily for my PhD – but, at this stage in my life, I feel I should be capable of taking care of myself (and L), no matter what life shall throw my way. I wish I could go back to the naive manner in which I looked at certain things in my life, but I can’t. And, for that…I am a little bit sad…but mostly smarter. In some ways, I hope that Psychology degree that I hope to earn within a couple of years will sit on a shelf to collect dust, never NEEDING to be used. But, in some ways…I can’t honestly say that’s NOT being naive.

So, back to the Reality Store. Just for giggles, I’ll tell you what I got. We drew our “salary/circumstances/job” out of a hat. Mine was (at 25): Married, Delivery/Route Driver (HS degree), 8 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. Salary: 18, 163/yr (Per month: 1,513). Additional income: $200.

I came out of the Reality Store with some extra money. Even though they made me hit up the mall for the kids’ clothes. AND a salon for kid haircuts. Which was stupid.

Most of us like to think that the widespread contamination of our groundwater, soil and air is entirely due to the irresponsibility of large industry. We refuse to accept the notion that in our own everyday lives we are contributing to the slow poisoning of the planet. But commonly used substances such as paint thinners, household pesticides, cleaners and solvents, and some aerosols produce hazardous waste. Our responsibility for them does not end at our curbside. Leaching out of municipal landfills into the groundwater, released into the air from garbage incinerators, or discharged from sewer systems into public waters, toxic waste comes back to haunt us.

Many of those same household products present a direct health hazard to you and your family. Most commercial polishes, for example, contain poisonous solvents that emit vapors. These products are often composed of the same toxic chemicals that industrial dumpers have used to pollute our land, air and water. The simple household pesticide you use to eliminate bugs in your garden is the same deadly poison which has given farm workers high rates of cancer. These persistent organic compounds are among the most deadly substances known.

Household toxics management programs in which citizens separate hazardous from non-hazardous wastes do not work. There is no safe way to dispose of toxic waste. The only long-term solution to keeping our water and air clean — and our homes safe — is reduction. Householders, like industry, must learn to live without many of the “wonder” products invented in the last 50 years. But when we remember that these products are identical to the substances which poison our water and air, we can readily commit ourselves to making responsible choices.

HERE ARE SOME GREEN CLEANING RECIPES:

Household Cleaners and Polishes
(Use caution with all cleaners. Even some non-toxic cleaners are unsafe for consumption.)

All-Purpose Cleaner
Mild Mixture:
1 gallon (4 L) hot water
1/4 C (50 ml) sudsy ammonia
1/4 C (50 ml) vinegar
1 T (5ml) baking soda

This solution is safe for all surfaces, can be rinsed with water, and is very effective for most jobs. For a stronger cleaner or wax stripper, double the amounts of all ingredients except water. Use gloves, and do not mix with other compounds, especially chlorine bleach. (Never mix ammonia and bleach: an extremely toxic gas is produced.)

Laundry

Add 1/3 C (80 ml) washing soda (sodium carbonate) to water as machine is filling.
Add clothes.
Add 1 1/2 C (375 ml) of soap.
If the water is hard, add 1/4 C (50 ml) soda or 1/4 C (50 ml) vinegar during the first rinse.

Detergents leave a residue on fabrics that must be removed with softeners. If you have been using detergents in your laundry, it is advisable to get rid of the detergent film. To prevent yellowing, run your laundry through the washer with 1/3 C (80 ml) washing soda before you convert to soap.

There are alternatives to enzyme presoaks and bleach for tough stains, too. Test each of the following remedies on your fabric first. If it starts to discolor, neutralize the cleaning agent immediately. Acids (lemon juice and vinegar) neutralize alkalies (baking soda and ammonia), and alkalies neutralize acids. Wash after application.

HEAVY SOILS: Rub with solution of 2 T (30 ml) washing soda in 1 C (250 ml) warm water.
SOILED DIAPERS: Presoak in 3 T (45 ml) baking soda dissolved in warm water in either tub or washing machine.
FRUIT AND WINE: Immediately pour salt or hot water on the stain and soak in milk before washing.
GREASE: Pour boiling water on stains and follow with dry baking soda. Or try ammonia and water.
INK: Soak in milk or remove with hydrogen peroxide.
BLOOD: Soak in cold water or remove with hydrogen peroxide. For a more stubborn stain, mix cornstarch, talcum powder, or cornmeal with water and apply the mixture. Allow to dry and brush away.
COFFEE: Mix egg yolk with luke-warm water and rub on stain.
CHEWING GUM: Rub with ice. Gum will flake off.
LIPSTICK: Rub with cold cream or shortening and wash with washing soda.
RUST: Saturate with sour milk (or lemon juice) and rub with salt. Place in direct sunlight until dry, then wash.
MILDEW: Pour strong soap and salt on the spots and place in sunlight. Keep the spots moist, and repeat as often as necessary.
SCORCHES: Boil scorched article in 1 C (250 ml) soap and 2 quarts (liters) milk.

Carpets
To fully clean and deodorize carpets, mix 2 parts cornmeal with 1 part borax. Sprinkle liberally, leave one hour, then vacuum. For tougher stains, repeatedly blot with vinegar in soapy, water. For red wine spills, blot with white wine and warm, soapy, water. Quick deodorizing is easy if you sprinkle the carpet with baking soda, then vacuum.

Polishing Metals
COPPER: Lemon juice and salt, or hot vinegar and salt.
CHROME: Rubbing alcohol, or a small amount of ammonia with hot water. Also try white flour in a dry rag.
BRASS: Equal parts salt and flour, with a little vinegar.
SILVER: Bring to boil in a large pan: 1 quart (1 litre) water; 1 T (15 ml) salt; 1 T (15 ml) baking soda. Drop in silver, boil for 3 minutes, and polish with a soft cloth. Or, polish with a paste of wood ash and water.

Ovens
Combine strong version of all-purpose cleaner with baking soda: wear gloves when scrubbing. An easier oven cleaner is ammonia: Place about 1/4 C (50 ml) in a shallow pan (not aluminum), and add enough water to cover the bottom of the pan. Heat oven for 20 minutes, turn off, and place pan in oven overnight. Baked-on foods will be loosened, and the oven can be cleaned with baking soda and scrubbing.

Drains
*Never pour liquid grease down a drain, and always use the drain sieve. I
once a week: Mix 1 C (250 ml) baking soda, 1 C (250 ml) salt, and 1/4 C (50 ml) cream of tartar. Pour 1/4 C of this mixture into drain. Follow with a pot of boiling water, and flush with cold water. This wil help your drain should remain open and odor-free.
In the event a drain becomes clogged, pour in 1/4 C (50 ml) baking soda followed by 1/2 C (125 ml) vinegar, close the drain until the fizzing stops, and flush with boiling water. As a last resource, use a plumber’s snake, available at most hardware stores, but be aware it can damage pipes.

Tub and Tile
Most commercial tile cleaners do more harm than good because many contain chlorine, a serious irritant to eyes, nose and skin, and one of the most dangerous chemicals found in municipal sewers. For bathroom cleaning, use a firm-bristled brush with either baking soda and hot water or the mild all-purpose cleaner.

Dishes
Set aside your dish detergent, and dissolve soap flakes in hot water. Add some vinegar to the water for tough grease.

Polishes
Most store-bought polishes contain solvents that are released into the air. Aerosol sprays are wasteful, and many contain gases harmful to the environment.
FURNITURE POLISH: Dissolve 1 t (5 ml) lemon oil in 1 pint (4/5 ml) mineral oil. Apply with a rag.
POLISHING CLOTH: Melt 1/4 C (50 ml) paraffin (wax) and 1/4 C (50 ml) vinegar together in a double boiler. Soak a dusting rag in the mixture for 1/2 hour, then squeeze and hang to dry.
FLOOR POLISH: Melt 1/8 C (25 ml) paraffin in a double boiler. Add 1 quart (I L) mineral oil and a few drops of lemon essence. Apply with a rag, allow to dry, and polish.

Mirrors, Glass and Windows
Wash with simple soap and water; rinse with a solution of 1 part vinegar to 4 parts water. Or use a spray bottle and a mixture of 1/2 C (120 ml) ammonia, 1/8 c (25 ml) vinegar, and a quart (1 L) of very warm water (the warmer the water, the faster the evaporation). Use washable, reusable cheese cloth rather than paper towels or dry with loosely crumpled sheets of newspaper.

Air fresheners
Commercial air fresheners work by masking smells, coating nasal passages and deadening nerves to chemically alter odors and diminish the sense of smell. Avoid these products. Grow house plants, which are an excellent source for air purification. Baking soda in your refrigerator or garbage can help reduce odors at their source. A small bowl of vineger in a room will help soak up odors as well.

Controlling Garden Pests
Find out which non-chemical fertilizers aid in controlling bugs, and how to fortify your plants with proper soil care. Pesticides carry the suffix “-cides.” which means “killer.” Natural pesticides are cheaper and safer for your family, and are usually “pest-specific”.
Learn to promote the population of beneficial pests such as lady bird beetles, bees, fly, larvae, lace-wing larvae (aphid lions), praying mantis, dragon flies, predacious mites and thrips, spiders, toads, garter snakes, and birds. Investigate “companion planting, which can provide a natural barrier to bugs.
Outdoor Pests
The following methods will assist in healthy gardening:
HANDPICKING is time-consuming but unbeatable. Use gloves, and remove all visible offending pests.
SPRAYING — on foliage:
TOBACCO WATER: Place a large handful of tobacco into 4 quarts (4 L) of warm water. Let stand for 24 hours. Dilute and apply with a spray bottle. This tobacco water is poisonous to humans — use caution when handling.
HOT PEPPERS: Blend 2 or 3 very hot peppers, 1/2 onion and 1 clove garlic in water, boil, steep for two days, and strain. This spray, will not damage indoor or outdoor plants and can be frozen for future use.
GARLIC: Mix 4 Q (4 L) water, 2 T (30 ml) garlic juice (do not use garlic powder, as it will burn the plants), 32 grams of diatomaceous earth (see below), and 1 t (5 ml) rubbling alcohol. Can be frozen for later use.
SOAP: Use only pure soap, as detergents will damage your plants. Liquid soaps: 2 T (30 ml) per quart (litre) of water. Dry soaps: 50 grams per quart (litre) of water.
Barriers
COLLARS: To stop hatching larvae from burrowing into the soil surrounding your plants, use “collars” made of stiff paper, heavy plastic or tar paper. Cut a piece a foot square and fit snugly around the stem of the plant on top of the soil. Use a paper clip to hold it in place.
NETTING: Fine netting such as cheese cloth, placed over the bed, will protect seedlings from chewing insects, keep cats and birds away, and prevent living insects from having eggs.
Please contact the organizations listed for more information. Greenpeace strongly. recommends that gardeners make full use of modern organic methods.
Formulated, biodegradable pest-control substances are commercially available. For example:
PYRETHRUM DUST: Very effective against soft-bodied insects such as caterpillars, with toxicity, to mammals. Avoid inhaling.
DIATOMACEOUS EARTH: made from the skeletons of tiny organisms, this dust controls pests by causing dehydration and death. Can be used indoors and out. Please follow manufacturer’s instructions carefully.
INSECTICIDAL SOAP: This soap is available in gardening, hardware, and drug stores.
Controlling Indoor Pests
ANTS: Locate the place of entry, squeeze a lemon onto it and leave the peel. Ants will also retreat from lines of talcum powder, chalk, damp coffee grounds, bone meal, charcoal dust and cayenne pepper.
COCKROACHES: Plug all small cracks along baseboards, wall shelves, and cupboards, and around pipes, sinks, and bathtub fixtures. A light dust of borax around the fridge, stove and ductwork is effective in controlling cockroaches. For a trap, lightly grease the inner neck of a milk bottle and put a little stale beer or a raw potato in it.
FRUIT FLIES: Pour a small amount of beer into a wide-mouth jar. Cut the corner out of a plastic bag and attach the bag to the jar with a rubber band. Flies will enter and be trapped. Change the beer when necessary.
FLIES: Sunny windows are flies’ most common entrance into your home, so close windows before the sun hits them. Use regular sticky flypaper to catch unwelcome flying guests. You can make your own with honey and yellow paper.
MOTHS: Keep vulnerable clothes dry and well aired. Camphor can be used, as it is the major, nontoxic ingredient of moth balls. To trap moths, mix 1 part molasses with 2 parts vinegar and place it in a yellow container. Clean regularly.
HOUSE PLANT PESTS: Hot-pepper spray will also help to control pests on the leaves. And don’t forget soap and water, but be sure to rinse the plants with fresh water afterwards.
SILVERFISH: Traps can be made with a mixture of 1 part molasses to 2 parts vinegar. Place near cracks and holes where pests live. Silverfish can be repelled by treating baseboards, table legs, and cracks in cupboards with a mixture of borax and sugar (or honey).
SPIDERS: Under ideal conditions, do not destroy spiders because they help control pests.
STORED FOOD PESTS: Keep mites and moths out of your staples by drying the food in a warm oven (70 F, 20 C) for one hour or by freezing for 2-3 days. Always store foods in air tight containers. Weevils’ favorite foods are beans and grains; to keep them away, hang small cloth sacks of black pepper in your food bins of around your food storage area. A few soapberries per bushel of stored wheat will also drive out weevils.
TICKS and FLEAS: If your pets are infested, wash them well with soap and warm water, dry them thoroughly, and use this herbal rinse: Add 1/2 C (125 mL) of fresh or dried rosemary to a quart (litre) of boiling water. Steep 20 minutes, strain, and allow to cool. Spray or sponge evenly onto pet and allow to air dry. Do not towel down, as this will remove the residue. Make sure pets are dry before letting them outside.

My sweet baby girl…

In less than 17 days, you will be ONE year old.  This past year has truly flown by.  I’ve watched you grow, and I was there for your first smile.  I am forever thankful for being so blessed to be your mommy.

In everything you do, you never cease to amaze me.  There are so many funny things….

Things like:  Your playpen.  You LOVE playing by yourself and will do so for 1-2 hours at a time.  I love listening you babble to your toys.  Of course, you love playing with us (and anyone else), too…but listening to you babble to your toys and stuffed animals delights me.  However, sometimes…you pretty much freak out if we need you to sit in the playpen (like when we’re making supper or have to clean).  You calm down, though, if we fold the one blanket that is in your playpen, and hang it on the side (should you get cold later), stack the plastic rings on the peg, fill the plush picnic basket back up with your play food and any other toys you’ve collected, set your mirror up, and move everything else to the outer edges.  Sometimes I actually wonder if I’m TEACHING you to be OCD.  Or, perhaps, I’m teaching you to be tidy?  I’m really hoping it’s the latter.  Maybe we should start working on that folding clothes thing again?

You now know the meaning of “no.”  Although, sometimes you still try to test us, with that sly little grin on your face, as if saying “and what are you going to do about it?”  And, if we do something you don’t like? – You will try to push our hands away saying “Don’t.”  Or, you’ll pat something saying “No, no, no.”  –Which all started when you tried to take your diaper off and I patted your hands and tried to be firm saying “No no no” about a couple of months ago.  And for weeks, you would pat your tummy and say “no no no!”

You know what pain is.  And, now you say “Ow.” – If it didn’t hurt too bad (otherwise you just cry).  You also know how to inflict pain…whether it’s by slapping mommy’s arm saying “Ow!” (our bad – we actually taught you that one) or when you throw your toys onto the ground saying “OW!”

Or, how WHEN YOU WANT, you’ll hand us a toy.  Especially if we ask nicely and hold our hand out for it.  You’ll put it in our hand.  But, then you get bored after repeated asking…so you flog us with them.  It really hurts when hard plastic is swung into your left temple, baby girl.  Maybe next time we could try the teddy bear?

You have started to show an interest in walking, as well.  Although…not too much.  You’d rather crawl.  You LOVE crawling.  You cruise around on furniture, and you will push your little cart around, constantly stopping to put animals and toys in…or evicting them from their seats, only to lick them and put them back in (did they pass the tase test?)  You are great at standing on your own, and every time you do it, I can see improvements on your balance.  Occasionally, you’ll get a little frustrated, and you’ll bump your head on the floor…or onto the cart.  Not repeatedly.  Just once, and you may even pause a moment to rest, but then you are at it again.  And, never with tears.

Food.  You LOVE food. Everyone’s telling me that you should be eating more solid food now, and about ready to give up your formula.  But, you love your bottle.  I’m not sure how that’s going to go over with you.  You love peas, bananas, and almost any other fruits.  You also love Mimi’s mac n cheese, bread dressing, and basically anything sweet or rich.  You are a true southern girl – and after my own heart.

But, that’s not all you like to eat.  You love tasting things.  Anything.  Apparently even your crib.  In fact, after years of that crib surviving mommy and uncle Josh, it now has marks where you’ve chewed on the wood.  I don’t ever recall bringing a hamster home.  I guess, better the crib than my fingers, though.

You have now latched onto the meaning of “bye bye.”  Anytime we leave a room, you wave goodbye.  In church, as people walk out the back door in mid-service to use the restrooms, you bid them all goodbye – with a wave and your precious voice “bye bye bye!”

You are also incredibly smart.  Somehow, you can retrieve your lovey (a small blanket) from the middle of the crib…while you stand on the outside.  You know how to put your hands “just so” on a laptop to type, and you know how to call people on the cell phone.  Like Granny.  Which you did.   Lucky for us, you haven’t found a cutie in China.  YET.

You love hugs.  You will crawl up to me while playing to sit in my lap, so I will read to you.  And, you will occasionally crawl over, stand up, and then reach out for a hug from mommy.  I cherish moments like these.

You love music, and you love dancing.  I love the way your eyes light up when you hear music.  Country, Oldies, R&B, Upbeat Gospel…you love it all.  Even Father Mike likes watching you dance in church.  You are beautiful, child.

You also love bath-time.  In fact, it measure closely to eating.  I’m not sure you’d know which to choose.  Both, actually.  You’d choose to drink your “ba-ba” in the bathtub.  Smart girl.

If you are hungry, and someone mentions “ba-ba,” you’ll go nuts (temporarily), until it’s in your mouth.  We have to speak in code when it’s dinner time for you.

Currently, you take naps 2-3 x a day, 1-2 hrs each.  You clutch your lovey and you put your thumb in your mouth.  It’s the only time you suck your thumb (right thumb).

You love people.  Having a full tummy and being well rested makes you love them more.  Certain people you get along with better.  You’re still getting used to Ma, Pa, Nana, and Papaw…  I’m not sure why you throw a fit when they try to hold you.  Their build?  Is their some smell that you pick up on and we just miss?  The way they talk?  What is it?  You have me accused of not “socializing ” you properly.  It’s okay though.  I’d love to hold you a bit longer.  And, when I’m tired – always be sure that Mimi is ready to hold you, too (and I better not leave Granny out!) lol

You’ll be one soon.  And, as happy as I am to see all the new things to come – this is bittersweet for me.  I’m reluctant to let my “baby” girl go.  But, even so…I look forward to the journey ahead.  With you.

Love,

Mommy

Sinking

by Ashley Wurth

Raindrops falling
In Steady beats
Gathering tears
At my feet
Rising silently
‘Til I can barely breathe

Still waters covering me
Clouding my eyes
Pressing down on me
My heart aches
And barely beats

Sinking deeper
Into the void
Until darkness speaks
And drowns out
All light

I thought I’d need this…you know, if I wanted to make a real attempt:

22 year old woman looking for a sugardaddy.

I’d like : some basic upgrades on my home – you know, the usual – A 70K inground pool with swim up bar, 3 new vehicles, a closet just for my shoes and shoes to fill them, nice carS. You know, nothing extravagant.

I’m looking for a sugardaddy that won’t be too demanding. I do have a family, you know. I don’t need you calling me all hours of the night asking where I’m at. I need someone who can go days without talking to me. In fact, I probably need a sugar daddy who understands that I need all this money up front…and someone who has great patience and will totally understand when I never call.

I’ll go ahead and post a few more pictures of myself, I hope you love them…as you imagine me swimming in my new pool, and ….laying out nude…and playing basketball…and whatever else.

Love Always,

Ashley

PS – Midgets are hawt.

The day that we’ve been dreading (and ignoring – as if that would help) has finally come. We no longer have deployment/full-time military (read: FREE) health insurance. Sure, it wasn’t the BEST stuff in the world. Actually, it sucked. Steven and I neglected going to our baffoon doctors because they were idiots…but Elle had a good doctor (that was actually covered). And, that’s what really mattered. But, it has ended. And now…we are insurance-less.

Of course…we can get insurance now through military OR through his work. Assuming we could afford it. If I have to go on a frozen chicken (we cook it first, but that’s the cheapest meat) diet again, I swear, I’m going after his boss with a stick. I’m tired of cheap Zatarain’s rice dinners. I’m tired of eating half of what I did eat. And, now…yes. I’m going to bitch. Why does everything have to cost so much? And, why can’t his stupid job do what they said they would MONTHS ago? You know…the PAY INCREASE? He was hired to do one job. When they increase responsibilities (he now does jobs that they were going to hire 2 other people for), they promised to increase his pay. But, when?

Whatever. Bite me.

A family member of ours grooms dogs. I’d noticed that Glory …our little Yorkie needed a haircut. Badly. She looked the part of a scroungy homeless dumpster dog. Except…she was clean and didn’t smell. And, didn’t have worms, fleas, or matted hair. Fine, tear that metaphor apart why don’t you?! Fine. She was scraggly. So, I nonchalantly asked how much she’d charge to give a dog LIKE MINE a cut. 30 dollars. I tried to hide my gasp. I do appreciate the art of dog hair cutting. I really do. But, no way in heck would I pay more for my dog to get her hair cut than I would my own. And, I’ve been given the “B” (is for budget) word, so no haircut for me. So, we got home and guess what I did? I cut Glory’s hair. Steven made her sit still (she will turn in circles and lay down). She was really good. In 30 minutes, she was a brand new dog (it’s a saying, people!). So, 30 minutes for 30 dollars? Hmm…Maybe I should become a dog groomer. Nah – It really wasn’t much fun.

Now, If only I could see the BACK of my head better, I might try to give myself a new cut. I guess I could do a trim….hmm. But I won’t.

I’ve been trying to find handy-dandy ways of cutting our bills and saving money. So, there. We saved 30 bucks on a doggy haircut.

We’re also canceling Steven’s internet for his PHONE. Which was shooting our bill up to a little over/around $100. We use cell phones and not regular phones, but still! So now…we are down to a much more manageable $65 (which is way cheaper than home phones in this area).

Next, we’re turning Dish Network off …again. Oh well. In a couple of months, there won’t be JACK on. Already, there isn’t much and we basically only watch movies that we get through Netflix or borrow. So, we won’t miss it.

And then…the electric bill. Can you believe our 1600 -ish sq foot home used $300 worth of electricity last month? I couldn’t. So, I called. I told them what was up in my 5 minute shpill and …they transferred me. Annoying. So, now that I was at the right person…I told them. They gave me a number. *sigh* I called it, told them what was going on – and by now my story was now 7 minutes. I’d forgotten some important details the first time. She transferred me. By the time I got to the person I needed to talk to, all I said was “I’m calling because our electric bill is really high. I have a story for you, but I just want to make sure you are who I needed to talk to before I start. I’ve been transferred 4 times.” She laughed and then helped me out. Said she’d send someone out to check the meter and then send me a checklist of things to watch for, things that could be running the electricity up.

So, I guess this means we will be walking around bundled up until our weather decides to settle down and play nice and give us some warm sunshiney days…weeks…years. Until then, break out the flannel. I can think of way more fun ways to spend money than on electricity for extra heat.

Hubby has mentioned getting a 2nd job. But, quite frankly, we don’t see him enough as it is. So…then there is the possibility that *I* could get a job. But, the price of daycare ALONE would kill me. Not like anything much job-wise is up right now anyways in this area.

I got it. I need a sugardaddy. You can apply here. Hell. I’ll take sugarmamas too. Oh, and if you were on my Thursday 13 list, consider yourself immediately “hired”…or um…whatever you’d call it. All 13 of you.

(Sorry Steven, you mentioned job. You never mentioned specifics.)

Hmmm…I think I might ration MY food out, so I can afford some new shoes. And yes. My priorities ARE straight.

Lotus over at Sarcastic Mom came up with this grand little idea of a Birth Story Carnival…and, I really couldn’t just say no. So, here it is.

I have to say, being pregnant with Lorelei was NOTHING like I expected. In fact, the models for maternity clothing made we want to cry. Here I was, swollen and waddling, and these chicks looked amazing…and in 5 inch heels? What the frick? Food made me want to vomit. For the entire first Trimester, I was in and out of the hospital, having IVs ran. I simply couldn’t keep food down. I would pass out for no reason and have blackouts. Half the time, I was so weak, I literally crawled through the house…and my husband? Well, he wasn’t nearly as supportive as I had imagined he’d be. For some crazy reason, I expected half an ounce of concern when I called to tell him I’d fallen…because I blacked out. Well, he did show concern, it just wasn’t for me. Moreso because I was keeping him from something.

So, after adding about 35-40 lbs to my tiny figure, I was ready for this kiddo to get out. I mean, I can only expand so much, right? She was gaining weight steadily (which is a good thing), but my doctor and I both agreed it was time for her to get out. I was hoping to not have an 8-12 lb kid exiting. That, and I was MISERABLE.

So, on April 11th, 2007, the date was set. We were to go to the hospital and be checked in to be induced (unless I had her before then). Husband and I headed out early to eat out at Olive Garden – Ravioli di Portobello and Spinach Artichoke Dip. Mmm. Except, there was the spinach scare (which had been months before), so no dip. And, they were fresh out of Ravioli Di Portobello. Oh well. So, I closed my eyes and picked a different entree (which ended up sounding much better than it tasted).

Next, we headed to to the hospital. We had been told to check in at the ER, then we’d be taken to the OB. I was hooked up to an IV – with medicine for a bladder infection and some regular fluids. They put the cervadil in, and attached a monitor to me, to monitor the baby’s heartbeat and my contractions (I was actually having contractions…I just hadn’t felt them until that point!). The contractions were very slow…and very sporadic. Probably even Braxton Hicks. Who knows.

The nurse examined me. I was a “fingertip” dilated. Whatever that is. I think she lied just to give me a glimmer of hope. My worst fear was that I’d go through it all and NOTHING would happen. Okay, that wasn’t my WORST fear…but it did scare me.

So, we cracked out the Mad Libs I’d packed. Talked. Laughed. The contractions gradually got stronger and stronger. The nurses gave me a couple of Ambien so I could sleep at around 10 pm. Steven made a run to Wendys AND McDonalds for me. I wanted a chocolate frosty and a cinnamon melt. He began to argue but with one look he was out the door. When you have the power to kick everyone out of the birthing room, they listen to you. So, I got my food and I went to sleep.

I slept off and on but my contractions kept getting stronger and stronger…and more regular. The nurses gave me Feenigrin (sp?) and Stadol through my IV for the pain – I couldn’t sleep. It mostly made me feel a little loopy. Around 5am, the nurses woke me up. This was my chance to take a shower. I knew it’d be a while til I felt like having a real shower again, so I took it! They unhooked the monitors and bagged what was attached. I took a LONG 30 minute shower. Mostly because I could barely move and I was trying to keep the bag dry…Then, Steven showered and the nurse started my Pitocin.

It was on.

A nurse checked me and I was a total of 1cm dilated. Oh woohoo. So, they turned the Pitocin back off. An hour later, they checked me again and I was 2 cm dilated. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the epidural. It was a little uncomfortable and I felt the sharp pinch of the numbing needle, but the rest was mostly pressure (like pressing on my back). And then…he hit a nerve. My ENTIRE left leg jerked out, making the rest of my body jerk. The nurse reprimanded me, told me to be still. Sorry bout that, but maybe next time, you could miss the nerve? So, the needle goes through something (he explained it like this…he basically did what he would if he were giving me a spinal tap…but with a bigger needle. Oops.). I was a bit loopy and…um…in labor…so forgive me for not remembering the technical jargon. I had a horrid headache – similar to a “brainfreeze”, it lasted for a bit but then subsided. He pulled the needle out and had to repeat the procedure (with a new needle). So, through the contractions, I had my second epidural for the day.

Thanks to some Stadol they gave me (right before the epidural), I got a little sleep (off and on). The next time they checked me, I was 6 cm dilated. Then, a few minutes (literally) later, another nurse checked. I was 8 cm. 30 cm later? 9 cm.

My parents, brother, and Steven’s parents all came in. They talked, and I mostly stared, trying to just remember to breathe. You know how you have to concentrate REALLY hard when you first wake up just to understand people? Yeh, that was me. Except, not only was I “out of it” …I was in pain.

My nurse ventured to tell me I had low pain tolerance. Maybe. But, if the epidural was working (it was not), I’d have felt a lot better. I’ve had an epidural before. And let me tell you…it worked. Fine. Dandy, actually. But, since the dude decided to hit a nerve…not so much now. The contractions were strong, so they gave me extra oxygen. I was having trouble “catching” my breath. A Eucharistic minister came in and gave myself and my dad Eucharist. And then…it was time to push.

I won’t tell you what it felt like. Either you know, or you don’t. And..no explanation will ever help you understand. In between pushes, I used my handy dandy oxygen mask. At that point, they’d told me to rest every other contraction. Right. Easier said than done. I think it’s like going against nature actually. My body and her body…wanted her OUT. Now. After 39 minutes of pushing, Lorelei was born. (12:39 in the afternoon)

For the pushing, I don’t remember a whole lot. Time was blurry. My mom and husband were present. He didn’t pass out. Mom couldn’t give me ice chips fast enough. I wanted them in between contractions, so by the time she got them to me, I was shoving them out of the way. I also remember there was a nurse gal in training. She actually “measured” my dilation at one point because my nurse, Sally, thought it’d be cool for her. Good for you, dear. This attraction/amusement park is now closed.

So, Lorelei came. She was blue and didn’t cry much at first. They put her on my chest and wiped her down, then put her under the heat lamp to do the suctioning and such. For a few minutes, I didn’t hear her cry. I kept asking “Is she okay? Is she okay?” Of course, they told me yes…but I could see worry in Steven’s face. Apparently, her cord had gotten around her neck a little tightly. She was okay, though.

Before I even laid eyes upon my daughter, I knew I loved her. It’s one of the deepest connections I have EVER felt. The deepest. And, when I laid eyes on that beautiful little face? I fell so deeply and madly in love all over again. Nothing else mattered…I just needed her in my arms.

Easter was…

Well, it wasn’t relaxing. But, it wasn’t difficult either. Saturday, we got to sleep in…until about 9am. -Ish. Then, we headed over to the in-laws (I’m starting to hate that word. They are actually more like a second set of parents. I’m so lucky )

So, Lorelei sported one of her new dresses, and we went over there, ate, L got a basket, and we played…

Then, Saturday evening, we went to Ma and Pa’s (my grandparents, mom’s side). It was…tiring. The food and company was nice, but baby Elle hadn’t had a nap ALL DAY. So, it was one of those…you better be in my face playing with me giving me your 100% or I will be miserable moods. So, we played and bounced until I could no longer take it. Luckily her Mimi (my mom) came and “borrowed” her for a good hour and kept her happily occupied.

Sunday morning…church. Which, was quite interesting. We got their late by a few minutes. We sat in the back and baby Elle did pretty well. She tends to like when we go to the Baptist church (well, one in particular) because the music is more upbeat…and she LOVES music and dancing. But my Catholic Church…eh, not so much. Well, not the one that is local. I digress. Every time anyone left out the doors, she would say “bye bye bye!” (during the service… people had to go that way for bathrooms.) Then, she kept throwing toys. We did learn a very valuable lesson. Do not pack toys that roll. Because they will. All. The. Way. To. The. Front. Of. The. Church. The blue easter egg underneath a few pews up from us? Yeh, sorry…that was ours.

So, after church, we raced home, and I finished preparing my cake. I was using the opportunity to PRACTICE for L’s bday cake. I’m glad I did. The icing turned out to be a glaze. So, not at all what I expected. The cake was really good…but looked like my mixing bowl threw up allover the place. Bleh. I was ashamed to bring it. (I tried to make homemade cake AND icing – strawberry) And, then some family brought in some nifty little cupcakes with wedding type icing. So, I ask how I could make some icing similar. Turns out they wouldn’t tell. Top secret ingredients. Whatever. So, me and nifty google are on it. It wasn’t a challenge, but now it is. I’m going to make the coolest and bestest icing EVER. So there.

ANYWAYS, we ate some awesome food and had a great time. Baby L played with everyone and was pretty cute. She took her first step. But, then she wobbled over and was done. One step. That’s it. No more. She’s not a fan of walking. Do you think if I refuse to walk and wail, people will carry me around? I think I might try it out tonight. I’ll let you know how that goes.

My baby brother and baby L on Easter.

Playing with eggs.

Playing with Mimi and Gramps

That was our Easter!

We received these wonderful cards from Mimi and Gramps (my parents) for Easter. (Thank you!)

Does the baby’s head looks familiar?

And then our card…

Wtf? What EXACTLY are you trying to say?

I don’t see any resemblance…do you?

(Thanks for the cards, mom We loved them )

Happy Easter, everyone!